1 00:00:41,040 --> 00:00:46,120 Theatre – it can show us who we are, who we were and who we could be. 2 00:00:47,760 --> 00:00:50,360 It means imagining bigger, 3 00:00:50,480 --> 00:00:52,240 understanding better, 4 00:00:52,360 --> 00:00:54,560 feeling together – 5 00:00:54,680 --> 00:00:57,360 on our stages and on tour, 6 00:00:57,480 --> 00:00:59,200 in schools 7 00:00:59,320 --> 00:01:00,920 and with communities, 8 00:01:01,040 --> 00:01:03,440 on cinema screens worldwide 9 00:01:03,560 --> 00:01:05,560 and now at home. 10 00:01:05,680 --> 00:01:07,600 We are the National Theatre. 11 00:01:07,720 --> 00:01:10,640 We make theatre for everyone. 12 00:01:21,080 --> 00:01:23,920 Art helps us to see the world in new ways. 13 00:01:24,040 --> 00:01:27,080 The stories behind great works help to bring them to life, 14 00:01:27,200 --> 00:01:29,160 and hearing them shouldn't be a privilege. 15 00:01:29,280 --> 00:01:31,800 That's why we built Bloomberg Connects. 16 00:01:31,920 --> 00:01:36,520 An app that lets you discover a growing number of museums, gardens and parks, 17 00:01:36,640 --> 00:01:39,880 behind-the-scenes interviews and public art from around the world, 18 00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:43,440 all in a single download right in the palm of your hand. 19 00:01:43,560 --> 00:01:46,840 Bloomberg Connects offers a world of inspiration. 20 00:01:47,680 --> 00:01:51,480 Join the National Theatre community and hundreds of cultural institutions 21 00:01:51,600 --> 00:01:54,800 to get a deeper look into the world of art through Bloomberg Connects. 22 00:02:12,720 --> 00:02:16,640 (♪ THE SHIRELLES: "Will You Love Me Tomorrow") 23 00:02:30,040 --> 00:02:33,600 ♪ So tell me now 24 00:02:33,760 --> 00:02:37,880 ♪ And I won’t ask again 25 00:02:38,040 --> 00:02:42,520 ♪ Will you still love me tomorrow? 26 00:02:45,160 --> 00:02:50,400 ♪ Will you still love me tomorrow? 27 00:02:52,120 --> 00:02:57,040 ♪ Will you still love me tomorrow? ♪ 28 00:03:06,240 --> 00:03:07,240 Good morning. 29 00:03:07,760 --> 00:03:09,120 Good morning. 30 00:03:09,240 --> 00:03:11,120 Is Mr Essendine awake yet? 31 00:03:11,240 --> 00:03:12,480 He will ring. 32 00:03:12,640 --> 00:03:14,400 What time does he usually ring? 33 00:03:14,560 --> 00:03:17,000 That depends what time he went to bed. 34 00:03:17,440 --> 00:03:19,760 I'm afraid we were rather late last night. 35 00:03:19,880 --> 00:03:21,320 You see, we were at a party, 36 00:03:21,400 --> 00:03:23,800 and Mr Essendine very kindly said he'd drive me home, 37 00:03:23,920 --> 00:03:26,400 and then I found I had forgotten my latchkey. 38 00:03:26,560 --> 00:03:28,440 And I knew I shouldn't be able to make any of the servants hear, 39 00:03:28,520 --> 00:03:29,920 because they sleep at the top of the house. 40 00:03:30,040 --> 00:03:32,800 So, Mr Essendine said that I could spend the night here. 41 00:03:32,920 --> 00:03:34,680 And so I did. 42 00:03:34,760 --> 00:03:38,680 If you were very late, he will probably sleep until the afternoon. 43 00:03:38,800 --> 00:03:40,120 Oh, dear. Couldn't you call him? 44 00:03:40,240 --> 00:03:42,920 Alas, no. 45 00:03:43,960 --> 00:03:45,480 We can never call him. 46 00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:47,640 Well, do you think I could have some coffee and some orange juice? 47 00:03:47,720 --> 00:03:49,920 I will see. Fred! 48 00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:01,920 - Good morning. - Good morning. 49 00:04:02,040 --> 00:04:03,800 Have you any idea what time Mr Essendine will wake up? 50 00:04:03,920 --> 00:04:06,440 Might be any time. He didn't leave no note. 51 00:04:06,520 --> 00:04:08,320 Couldn't you call him? It's nearly 11 o'clock. 52 00:04:08,440 --> 00:04:11,720 The whole place goes up in smoke if we wake him by accident, let alone call 'im. 53 00:04:11,880 --> 00:04:13,240 Well, do you think I could have some breakfast? 54 00:04:13,360 --> 00:04:15,040 - What would you fancy? - Coffee, please. 55 00:04:15,160 --> 00:04:16,520 And some orange juice. 56 00:04:16,600 --> 00:04:17,960 Rightyo, Miss. 57 00:04:30,040 --> 00:04:33,960 Hello, hello, Cynthia, darling, it's Daphne. Yes, look, are you alone? 58 00:04:34,760 --> 00:04:37,440 Listen, I'm you know where. 59 00:04:39,040 --> 00:04:40,400 Yes, I did. 60 00:04:40,520 --> 00:04:41,720 No, he isn't awake yet. 61 00:04:41,840 --> 00:04:43,480 Look, I've only just got up. I'm not dressed or anything. 62 00:04:43,600 --> 00:04:47,400 If anyone rings up from home, will you swear to say I stayed with you? 63 00:04:48,400 --> 00:04:50,600 Darling, you promised! 64 00:04:51,760 --> 00:04:54,240 Well, in that case, say I'm in the bath or something. 65 00:04:55,280 --> 00:04:57,480 Yes, in about an hour, I should think. 66 00:04:57,600 --> 00:04:59,240 Of course, I can't wait to tell you. 67 00:04:59,400 --> 00:05:00,960 All right. 68 00:05:02,400 --> 00:05:04,320 - Good morning. - Good morning. 69 00:05:04,440 --> 00:05:08,920 I am Mr Essendine's secretary. Is there anything I can do for you? 70 00:05:09,720 --> 00:05:11,480 Well, I'm afraid it's rather awkward. 71 00:05:11,600 --> 00:05:14,400 You see, Mr Essendine drove me home last night from a party, 72 00:05:14,520 --> 00:05:16,320 and I idiotically forgot my latchkey. 73 00:05:16,440 --> 00:05:19,000 So, he very sweetly said that I could spend the night here. 74 00:05:19,120 --> 00:05:21,120 In the spare room, obviously. 75 00:05:21,240 --> 00:05:22,560 Obviously. 76 00:05:23,400 --> 00:05:26,280 I do hope you were warm enough in the spare room. 77 00:05:26,400 --> 00:05:27,760 Oh yes, quite, thank you. 78 00:05:27,840 --> 00:05:31,000 - It's liable to be a bit nippy in there. - I kept the heater on. 79 00:05:31,120 --> 00:05:32,160 Oh! Very sensible. 80 00:05:32,320 --> 00:05:36,880 And now I was wondering if someone could tell Mr Essendine that I'm, well, here. 81 00:05:36,960 --> 00:05:38,880 I expect he'll remember when he wakes up. 82 00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:41,280 - Have you any idea when that will be? - I'm afraid not. 83 00:05:41,440 --> 00:05:45,600 If he didn't leave any special time to be called, he might sleep on indefinitely. 84 00:05:46,080 --> 00:05:48,600 I don't want to go away without saying goodbye and thanking him. 85 00:05:49,040 --> 00:05:52,760 Well, if I were you, I should have some breakfast and dress. 86 00:05:52,880 --> 00:05:55,680 And if he isn't awake by then, you can leave a message for him. 87 00:05:55,800 --> 00:05:57,000 Have you asked for any breakfast? 88 00:05:57,120 --> 00:05:59,120 Yes, I think the man's bringing it. 89 00:05:59,240 --> 00:06:00,480 Uh... 90 00:06:00,640 --> 00:06:03,560 Have you known Mr Essendine long? 91 00:06:04,400 --> 00:06:06,440 Well, no, not exactly. 92 00:06:06,520 --> 00:06:09,320 I mean, of course I've known him for ages. I think he's wonderful. 93 00:06:09,400 --> 00:06:12,960 But we actually only met for the first time last night at Maureen Jarratt's party. 94 00:06:13,120 --> 00:06:14,600 I see. 95 00:06:14,680 --> 00:06:17,480 I think he's even more charming off the stage than on, don't you? 96 00:06:18,440 --> 00:06:21,720 - I can never quite make up my mind. - (Audience laughing) 97 00:06:21,800 --> 00:06:23,520 Have you been with him for a long time? 98 00:06:23,640 --> 00:06:25,600 Just on seventeen years. 99 00:06:25,720 --> 00:06:27,840 How wonderful! I expect you must know him better than anyone. 100 00:06:27,960 --> 00:06:30,920 - Less intimately than some, better than most. - (Audience laughing) 101 00:06:31,600 --> 00:06:35,480 Is he happy, do you think? 102 00:06:36,200 --> 00:06:38,880 - I mean really happy? - I don't believe I've ever asked him. 103 00:06:39,000 --> 00:06:40,800 He has a sad look in his eyes every now and then. 104 00:06:40,960 --> 00:06:43,080 Oh, you noticed that, did you? 105 00:06:43,200 --> 00:06:48,160 We talked for hours at the party last night. He told me all about his early struggles. 106 00:06:48,280 --> 00:06:52,120 He didn't by any chance mention that life was passing him by? 107 00:06:52,240 --> 00:06:54,040 I think he did say something like that. 108 00:06:54,160 --> 00:06:55,600 Oh, dear. 109 00:06:55,680 --> 00:06:56,800 Why? 110 00:06:56,920 --> 00:06:59,880 Never mind, I just wondered. 111 00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:02,280 You've no idea how I envy you, working for him. 112 00:07:02,400 --> 00:07:04,800 But then I expect everybody does. It must be absolute heaven. 113 00:07:04,960 --> 00:07:06,440 It's certainly not dull. 114 00:07:06,520 --> 00:07:09,120 I hope you don't think it's awful me spending the night here. 115 00:07:09,240 --> 00:07:10,760 I mean, it does look rather bad, doesn't it? 116 00:07:10,840 --> 00:07:12,080 Well, really, Miss... Miss... 117 00:07:12,200 --> 00:07:13,720 Stillington. Daphne Stillington. 118 00:07:13,840 --> 00:07:17,160 Miss Stillington, it's hardly any of my business, is it? 119 00:07:17,280 --> 00:07:19,360 Well, no, I suppose not, but I wouldn't like you to think... 120 00:07:19,480 --> 00:07:22,960 Seventeen years is a long time, Miss Stillington. 121 00:07:23,040 --> 00:07:27,960 I gave up that sort of thinking in the spring of 1922. 122 00:07:28,040 --> 00:07:29,080 Oh, I see. 123 00:07:29,200 --> 00:07:31,200 Will you 'ave it in here, Miss, or in the spare room? 124 00:07:31,360 --> 00:07:32,320 Here, please. 125 00:07:32,440 --> 00:07:35,120 I really think it would be more comfortable for you in the spare room. 126 00:07:35,240 --> 00:07:38,400 The studio becomes rather active round about 11:00. 127 00:07:38,520 --> 00:07:40,720 People call, you know, and the telephone rings... 128 00:07:40,800 --> 00:07:41,960 Very well. 129 00:07:42,120 --> 00:07:45,320 I'll let you know the minute he wakes up. 130 00:07:45,400 --> 00:07:46,720 Thank you so much. 131 00:07:46,840 --> 00:07:48,760 Oh! Is there soap in that bathroom? 132 00:07:48,880 --> 00:07:50,560 Yes, but the tap's a bit funny. 133 00:07:50,680 --> 00:07:53,200 - You 'ave to go on turning it till kingdom come. - Did you tell her? 134 00:07:53,280 --> 00:07:55,120 Uh... She'll find out for herself. 135 00:07:55,200 --> 00:07:57,880 Oh, we better send Miss Erikson in to her. 136 00:07:58,000 --> 00:08:00,440 She's gone to the grocer's, but I'll tell her when she comes back. 137 00:08:00,600 --> 00:08:02,120 Were you here last night, Fred? 138 00:08:02,200 --> 00:08:03,840 No. She's news to me. 139 00:08:03,960 --> 00:08:05,960 If he hasn't rung by 12, we'd better wake him. 140 00:08:06,040 --> 00:08:07,360 You know what happened last time. 141 00:08:07,480 --> 00:08:09,080 Well, it can't be helped. 142 00:08:09,200 --> 00:08:11,240 He's got to lunch out, anyhow. 143 00:08:11,400 --> 00:08:14,040 - If the balloon goes up, don't blame me. - Yes. 144 00:08:15,000 --> 00:08:16,800 - Uh... - (Audience chuckling) 145 00:08:20,360 --> 00:08:24,080 I suppose it's of no interest to any of you that I have been awakened 146 00:08:24,200 --> 00:08:30,120 from deep, deep sleep with the lot of you screaming like banshees! 147 00:08:30,840 --> 00:08:31,800 What's going on? 148 00:08:31,880 --> 00:08:34,280 I've been talking to Miss Stillington. 149 00:08:34,440 --> 00:08:36,280 Who the hell is Miss Stillington? 150 00:08:36,400 --> 00:08:37,720 She's in the spare room. 151 00:08:37,840 --> 00:08:40,480 I didn't ask where she was, I asked who she was. 152 00:08:40,600 --> 00:08:42,640 Oh, we might look her up in the telephone book. 153 00:08:42,720 --> 00:08:45,760 She lost her latchkey, if you know what I mean. 154 00:08:45,880 --> 00:08:47,920 (Audience laughing) 155 00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:50,080 - Go away, Fred, and get me some coffee. - Rightyo. 156 00:08:50,200 --> 00:08:51,360 And don't say, "Rightyo". 157 00:08:51,480 --> 00:08:52,760 Very good, sir. 158 00:08:52,880 --> 00:08:55,320 You met her at a party, and you brought her home here, 159 00:08:55,400 --> 00:08:58,080 and you told her about your early struggles, and she stayed the night. 160 00:08:59,120 --> 00:09:02,480 Oh, I remember now. She's a darling. I'm mad about her. 161 00:09:02,600 --> 00:09:04,800 (Audience laughing) 162 00:09:07,560 --> 00:09:08,920 What did you say her name was? 163 00:09:10,280 --> 00:09:11,320 Stillington. 164 00:09:11,440 --> 00:09:12,680 Daphne Stillington. 165 00:09:12,840 --> 00:09:15,800 I knew it was Daphne, but I hadn't the faintest idea it was Stillington. 166 00:09:15,920 --> 00:09:17,280 I hope you were nice to her. 167 00:09:17,440 --> 00:09:19,280 Has anyone given her anything to eat? 168 00:09:19,400 --> 00:09:21,320 Fred took her some coffee and orange juice. 169 00:09:21,400 --> 00:09:22,960 What's she doing now? 170 00:09:23,040 --> 00:09:24,840 I don't know. Drinking it, I suppose. 171 00:09:24,960 --> 00:09:28,720 (Whimpers) It's awful, isn't it? What are we to do? 172 00:09:29,200 --> 00:09:32,760 She wants to say goodbye to you and to thank you. 173 00:09:32,840 --> 00:09:34,240 Whatever for? 174 00:09:34,360 --> 00:09:36,920 That, Garry dear, I'm in no position to say. 175 00:09:38,320 --> 00:09:41,600 Why didn't you tell her to dress quietly like a mouse and go home? 176 00:09:41,760 --> 00:09:43,800 You know perfectly well it's agony here in the mornings 177 00:09:43,880 --> 00:09:45,280 with everybody banging about. 178 00:09:45,400 --> 00:09:48,760 Well, you might have thought of that before you asked her to stay the night. 179 00:09:48,880 --> 00:09:52,520 She had to stay the night. She'd lost her latchkey. 180 00:09:53,000 --> 00:09:57,000 The sooner we turn that spare room into a library, the better. 181 00:09:57,120 --> 00:09:59,240 She's probably in there now, sobbing her heart out. 182 00:09:59,320 --> 00:10:00,960 Well, why don't you go and see? 183 00:10:01,080 --> 00:10:02,880 Well, lend me a comb and I will. 184 00:10:03,040 --> 00:10:04,120 Here. 185 00:10:04,720 --> 00:10:07,960 - Good God, I look 98! - (Audience laughing) 186 00:10:08,080 --> 00:10:09,560 Never mind. 187 00:10:10,720 --> 00:10:12,880 In two years from now, I shall be bald as a coot, 188 00:10:12,960 --> 00:10:13,920 and then you'll be sorry. 189 00:10:14,400 --> 00:10:17,000 On the contrary, I shall be delighted. 190 00:10:17,480 --> 00:10:22,080 There will be fewer eager, young scunners ready to lose their latchkey for you 191 00:10:22,200 --> 00:10:25,360 when you've got a toupee perched on the top of your head. 192 00:10:25,440 --> 00:10:28,800 I shall never wear a toupee, Monica, however bald I get. 193 00:10:28,960 --> 00:10:30,520 Perhaps on the stage, a little... 194 00:10:32,520 --> 00:10:34,560 ...front piece, but in life, never. 195 00:10:34,720 --> 00:10:36,600 I intend to grow old with distinction. 196 00:10:37,240 --> 00:10:39,320 Well, I'm sure that will be a great relief to all of us. 197 00:10:39,440 --> 00:10:41,480 Here's your sordid little comb. 198 00:10:41,960 --> 00:10:44,920 Now, do go and do a nice goodbye scene, and get rid of her as quickly as possible. 199 00:10:45,040 --> 00:10:47,920 We've got to do the morning mail, and Morris might appear at any minute. 200 00:10:48,080 --> 00:10:51,640 And we can't have her littering up the place, getting in everybody's way. 201 00:10:51,760 --> 00:10:53,200 Garry, I thought I heard your voice. 202 00:10:53,360 --> 00:10:54,400 Darling! 203 00:10:54,520 --> 00:10:56,840 Now, Garry, you won't forget, will you, 204 00:10:56,920 --> 00:11:00,000 that at 12:00 noon, you have given an appointment 205 00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:01,640 - to Mr Roland Maule? - No, Monica. 206 00:11:01,800 --> 00:11:04,880 And at 12:30, Morris is coming to discuss what understudies 207 00:11:05,000 --> 00:11:06,720 - you need to take to Africa. - No, Monica. 208 00:11:06,840 --> 00:11:08,920 And immediately after lunch, Mr Roderick is coming 209 00:11:09,040 --> 00:11:11,280 to discuss your special broadcast on the 17th. 210 00:11:11,440 --> 00:11:13,600 Thank you, Monica. I shall remember. 211 00:11:13,720 --> 00:11:15,360 I'm so glad. 212 00:11:16,120 --> 00:11:18,160 Goodbye, Miss Stillington. 213 00:11:18,240 --> 00:11:20,840 I do hope we shall meet again. 214 00:11:20,920 --> 00:11:22,360 Goodbye. 215 00:11:22,480 --> 00:11:24,280 Garry. Oh, Garry! 216 00:11:24,400 --> 00:11:25,560 Darling. 217 00:11:26,080 --> 00:11:28,000 I'm ridiculously happy. 218 00:11:28,120 --> 00:11:30,440 - I'm so glad, darling. - Are you? 219 00:11:30,600 --> 00:11:31,680 - Happy? - Yes. 220 00:11:31,840 --> 00:11:34,240 There's something awfully sad about happiness, isn't there? 221 00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:36,200 (Chuckles) What a funny thing to say. 222 00:11:36,360 --> 00:11:37,640 It wasn't supposed to be funny. 223 00:11:37,800 --> 00:11:40,200 I've been in love with you for such a long time. 224 00:11:40,320 --> 00:11:43,680 - Don't... Don't say that. - (Audience laughing) 225 00:11:43,840 --> 00:11:45,600 Why? What's the matter? 226 00:11:45,760 --> 00:11:47,720 Don't love me too much, darling. 227 00:11:47,800 --> 00:11:50,560 Promise me you won't. You'll only be unhappy. 228 00:11:50,680 --> 00:11:53,000 No good can come from loving anybody like me. 229 00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:55,200 I'm not worthy of it. Really, I'm not. 230 00:11:55,360 --> 00:11:58,160 You're more worthy of it than anyone in the whole world. 231 00:11:58,280 --> 00:11:59,640 Foolish child. 232 00:11:59,720 --> 00:12:01,640 I'm not a child. I'm twenty-four. 233 00:12:01,800 --> 00:12:03,040 Twenty-four? 234 00:12:04,600 --> 00:12:06,440 (Audience laughing) 235 00:12:07,200 --> 00:12:08,160 Twenty-four! 236 00:12:08,280 --> 00:12:10,560 What does age matter when people love each other? 237 00:12:10,680 --> 00:12:13,560 I wonder how tragically often that's been said. 238 00:12:13,640 --> 00:12:15,280 Well, it's true. 239 00:12:15,360 --> 00:12:18,120 Look at me, Daphne. Look at me kindly. 240 00:12:18,240 --> 00:12:22,080 Clearly and honestly, look at the lines on my face, my thinning hair. 241 00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:23,800 Look at my eyes! 242 00:12:23,920 --> 00:12:24,960 You're not so very old. 243 00:12:25,120 --> 00:12:27,840 - I didn't say I was so very old, Daphne. - (Audience laughing) 244 00:12:28,680 --> 00:12:29,920 I just said look at me. 245 00:12:30,040 --> 00:12:31,560 (Audience laughing) 246 00:12:31,680 --> 00:12:33,400 As a matter of fact, I'm only just 40. 247 00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:36,160 - What's 40? - Too old for 24. 248 00:12:36,680 --> 00:12:37,880 You mean you don't love me? 249 00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:39,560 I don't mean any such thing. 250 00:12:39,640 --> 00:12:41,160 Do you love me? Say it. Do you? 251 00:12:41,280 --> 00:12:43,120 - Of course I do. - Say it. 252 00:12:43,200 --> 00:12:45,040 I love you, Daphne. 253 00:12:45,120 --> 00:12:47,520 - Oh, darling... - But this is goodbye! 254 00:12:47,640 --> 00:12:49,880 (Audience laughing) 255 00:12:50,000 --> 00:12:51,000 Goodbye? 256 00:12:51,080 --> 00:12:54,720 It's inevitable. Not for my sake, but for yours. 257 00:12:55,280 --> 00:12:56,720 I don't know what you're talking about. 258 00:12:56,840 --> 00:13:00,000 Listen to me, Daphne. You're not in love with me, the real me. 259 00:13:00,160 --> 00:13:02,200 You're in love with an illusion. 260 00:13:02,320 --> 00:13:04,600 The illusion I gave you when you saw me on the stage. 261 00:13:04,720 --> 00:13:06,360 Last night I ran a terrible risk. 262 00:13:06,440 --> 00:13:09,520 I ran the risk of breaking that dear young illusion forever. 263 00:13:09,600 --> 00:13:12,160 But I didn't, I didn't. It's still there. I can see it in your eyes. 264 00:13:12,280 --> 00:13:16,600 But never again. Never, never again. 265 00:13:16,720 --> 00:13:20,000 That's all I can dare to hope for now, moments... 266 00:13:20,160 --> 00:13:21,960 (Audience laughing) 267 00:13:22,080 --> 00:13:24,840 Like last night. That's why I'm so lonely sometimes. 268 00:13:25,520 --> 00:13:28,120 So desperately, desperately lonely. 269 00:13:28,240 --> 00:13:30,520 But I have learned one bitter lesson in my life, 270 00:13:30,640 --> 00:13:32,840 and that lesson is to be able to say goodbye. 271 00:13:33,000 --> 00:13:34,160 - But, Garry... - Let me go on! 272 00:13:34,280 --> 00:13:35,440 But I really don't see why... 273 00:13:35,520 --> 00:13:38,960 "We meet not as we parted, We feel more than all may see; 274 00:13:39,080 --> 00:13:43,480 "My bosom is heavy-hearted, And thine full of doubt for me: 275 00:13:43,960 --> 00:13:46,520 "One moment has bound the free. 276 00:13:46,640 --> 00:13:49,120 "That moment has gone for ever." 277 00:13:51,840 --> 00:13:53,720 (Audience laughing) 278 00:13:53,840 --> 00:13:56,160 "Like lightning that flashed and died-- 279 00:13:56,280 --> 00:13:58,280 "Like a snowflake upon the river-- 280 00:13:58,440 --> 00:14:02,400 "Like a sunbeam upon the tide, Which the dark shadows hide." 281 00:14:02,520 --> 00:14:04,960 - Yeah, but, Garry... - Be quiet for a moment, darling. 282 00:14:05,080 --> 00:14:06,040 (Audience laughing) 283 00:14:06,160 --> 00:14:10,880 "That moment from time was singled As the first in a life of pain; 284 00:14:11,720 --> 00:14:17,880 "The cup of its joy was mingled Delusion too sweet though vain! 285 00:14:18,840 --> 00:14:21,200 "Too sweet to be mine again." 286 00:14:24,960 --> 00:14:27,560 (Exhales) There now, that was Shelley. Don't you think it's beautiful? 287 00:14:28,120 --> 00:14:29,080 Yes, but... 288 00:14:29,200 --> 00:14:31,360 There was nothing Shelley didn't know about love. 289 00:14:31,480 --> 00:14:36,400 All the sadness, all the joy, all the unbearable pain... 290 00:14:36,480 --> 00:14:38,400 I don't see why love should be so miserable. 291 00:14:38,520 --> 00:14:43,680 That's because you're young, my darling. Young and eager and greedy for life! 292 00:14:43,840 --> 00:14:47,920 No, you said last night that I was the one you had been searching for always, 293 00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:50,320 and that now you had found me you would never let me go! 294 00:14:50,400 --> 00:14:52,800 That was perfectly true. I shall never let you go. 295 00:14:52,960 --> 00:14:56,920 You shall be here in my heart forever. 296 00:14:57,040 --> 00:14:59,680 - Oh, Garry! - Don't cry! 297 00:14:59,800 --> 00:15:02,200 Darling, please don't cry. I can't bear it. 298 00:15:02,320 --> 00:15:07,440 But how can you say that I'm only in love with an illusion and not the real you at all? 299 00:15:09,040 --> 00:15:10,480 Because it's true! 300 00:15:10,560 --> 00:15:13,560 No, it isn't, it isn't. It was the real you last night. 301 00:15:13,640 --> 00:15:15,920 You weren't on the stage, and you weren't acting. 302 00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:18,040 I'm always acting! 303 00:15:18,160 --> 00:15:20,720 Watching myself go by. That's what's so horrible. 304 00:15:20,840 --> 00:15:25,440 I see myself all the time eating, drinking, loving, suffering. 305 00:15:25,600 --> 00:15:27,320 Sometimes I think I shall go mad! 306 00:15:27,440 --> 00:15:29,160 I could help you if only you'd let me. 307 00:15:29,280 --> 00:15:31,160 If only you could, but it's too late! 308 00:15:31,280 --> 00:15:34,840 No! It isn't, it isn't! I swear it isn't. I'll prove it to you. 309 00:15:34,960 --> 00:15:37,040 Listen to me, Daphne. It isn't that I don't love you, I do. 310 00:15:37,160 --> 00:15:41,240 I knew it the first moment I took you in my arms, last night. 311 00:15:42,240 --> 00:15:46,640 But my life is not my own. I belong to the public. 312 00:15:46,760 --> 00:15:48,400 (Audience laughing) 313 00:15:49,040 --> 00:15:50,200 And to my work. 314 00:15:50,320 --> 00:15:54,240 I'm not free like other men, to take happiness when it comes to them. 315 00:15:54,400 --> 00:15:59,240 In two weeks' time I am going to Africa with a repertory of six plays. 316 00:15:59,320 --> 00:16:00,440 Do you understand what that means? 317 00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:03,440 The work, the drudgery, the nerve strain? 318 00:16:03,560 --> 00:16:07,560 That is my job, the one thing to which I must be faithful. 319 00:16:07,680 --> 00:16:09,400 And when I come back, if I come back... 320 00:16:09,520 --> 00:16:10,840 Oh, Garry! 321 00:16:10,960 --> 00:16:13,600 Just kiss me once, just once and then go... 322 00:16:13,720 --> 00:16:15,520 (Inhaling) 323 00:16:15,640 --> 00:16:18,040 Au revoir... 324 00:16:18,720 --> 00:16:23,040 Not goodbye, just au revoir. 325 00:16:24,360 --> 00:16:26,320 (Audience chuckling) 326 00:16:26,400 --> 00:16:28,800 (Applause) 327 00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:36,600 Do you want your coffee in here or in your bedroom? 328 00:16:36,680 --> 00:16:38,480 Anywhere. Just put it anywhere. 329 00:16:39,760 --> 00:16:42,160 I would have brought it in before, but I 'eard you was doing Shelley. 330 00:16:42,320 --> 00:16:43,480 Thought I'd better wait. 331 00:16:43,600 --> 00:16:45,960 (Audience laughing) 332 00:16:51,280 --> 00:16:52,520 Just put the tray down, Fred, and go away. 333 00:16:52,680 --> 00:16:53,760 - Rightyo. - (Phone ringing) 334 00:16:53,880 --> 00:16:57,080 Oh, my God, there's no peace! There's no peace anywhere! 335 00:16:57,200 --> 00:16:59,520 I switched it in here because we've got to do the mail 336 00:16:59,640 --> 00:17:02,880 and I can't keep darting in and out of the office all the time. 337 00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:05,480 Hello, Mr Essendine's secretary speaking... 338 00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:08,800 No, I'm afraid he's not available at the moment. 339 00:17:08,920 --> 00:17:10,280 Is there anything I can do? 340 00:17:11,520 --> 00:17:15,360 No, I'm sorry, that's quite impossible. 341 00:17:16,400 --> 00:17:18,360 Very well. Not at all. Goodbye. Ooh! 342 00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:21,280 - Who was that? - A Mr Bramble. 343 00:17:21,400 --> 00:17:22,360 Never heard of him. 344 00:17:22,480 --> 00:17:24,960 He said you promised to look at his invention. 345 00:17:25,120 --> 00:17:26,320 What sort of an invention? 346 00:17:26,400 --> 00:17:28,000 I haven't the faintest idea. 347 00:17:28,120 --> 00:17:30,400 Fred said I have to go and speak to the young lady. 348 00:17:30,520 --> 00:17:31,600 Very well, Miss Erikson. 349 00:17:31,680 --> 00:17:33,800 - What shall I say to her? - I really don't know. 350 00:17:33,880 --> 00:17:35,320 I have been to the grocer's... 351 00:17:35,440 --> 00:17:37,240 Well, that's as good an opening gambit as any. 352 00:17:38,880 --> 00:17:44,440 Just see that she has everything she wants, Miss Erikson, and turn on a bath for her. 353 00:17:44,560 --> 00:17:47,680 Alas, that I cannot do, the tap makes no water. 354 00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:49,640 - Do the best you can. - I will try. 355 00:17:49,720 --> 00:17:52,320 There's not much this morning, I'll go through them quickly. 356 00:17:52,440 --> 00:17:54,520 This coffee tastes of curry powder. 357 00:17:54,640 --> 00:17:55,600 Ooh! Never mind. 358 00:17:55,760 --> 00:17:59,800 I wish I had a French chef instead of a Scandinavian Spiritualist. 359 00:17:59,920 --> 00:18:03,640 You could never get rid of Miss Erikson - she worships you. 360 00:18:03,760 --> 00:18:06,680 Everybody worships me, it's nauseating. 361 00:18:06,800 --> 00:18:08,440 There's hell to pay if they don't. 362 00:18:08,560 --> 00:18:09,920 What's that blue letter? 363 00:18:10,080 --> 00:18:11,680 Oh, that's Sylvia Laurie. 364 00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:15,240 She says, uh... she simply must see you before you go away. 365 00:18:15,360 --> 00:18:16,520 - Well, she can't. - No. 366 00:18:16,680 --> 00:18:19,480 And there's another from Lady Worrall. 367 00:18:19,600 --> 00:18:21,600 Lunch on Friday or dinner on Tuesday. 368 00:18:21,760 --> 00:18:23,000 - Neither. - Neither. 369 00:18:23,120 --> 00:18:27,560 And you better look at this one yourself. It's from a naval officer in Rugby. 370 00:18:28,680 --> 00:18:30,120 What does he want? 371 00:18:30,240 --> 00:18:33,200 Well, it seems you met him at a dance in Edinburgh 372 00:18:33,320 --> 00:18:34,840 when you were up there with Laughter in Heaven, 373 00:18:34,960 --> 00:18:39,080 and swore to him that if he left the Navy, 374 00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:41,760 you'd give him a job on the stage. 375 00:18:43,880 --> 00:18:45,400 I never said any such thing. 376 00:18:46,440 --> 00:18:48,200 He has left the Navy. 377 00:18:48,360 --> 00:18:50,120 (Audience laughing) 378 00:18:51,040 --> 00:18:54,040 Well, give him some letters of introduction, then. Don't just sit there. 379 00:18:54,160 --> 00:18:56,880 Well, I don't know anything about him, do I? 380 00:18:57,880 --> 00:18:58,920 What does he look like? 381 00:18:59,040 --> 00:19:01,920 Absolutely marvellous. 382 00:19:02,560 --> 00:19:06,400 If it's the one I'm thinking of, vast strapping shoulders 383 00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:09,520 - and tiny, tiny hips. - Ooh! 384 00:19:10,440 --> 00:19:11,720 Like a wasp. 385 00:19:11,800 --> 00:19:13,360 - Oh... - (Audience laughing) 386 00:19:13,440 --> 00:19:15,240 (Both) Mm... 387 00:19:17,080 --> 00:19:19,320 - Can he act? - How should I know? 388 00:19:19,400 --> 00:19:21,560 - Just put it in Mount Pleasant. - (Phone ringing) 389 00:19:21,680 --> 00:19:24,280 We're gonna have to go through Mount Pleasant before you go, 390 00:19:24,400 --> 00:19:25,920 it's overflowing. 391 00:19:26,600 --> 00:19:28,600 Hello, Mr Essendine's secretary speaking... 392 00:19:29,280 --> 00:19:30,720 Oh, Tony... 393 00:19:30,840 --> 00:19:34,640 Um, yes, hold on, Tony. He's just here, Tony. 394 00:19:34,760 --> 00:19:37,080 He wants to know what you thought about the play last night. 395 00:19:37,160 --> 00:19:38,960 Oh, I'll tell him. (Clears throat) 396 00:19:39,560 --> 00:19:41,480 Tony... (Gasps) 397 00:19:41,560 --> 00:19:43,400 That was a pretty thing, wasn't it? 398 00:19:43,560 --> 00:19:46,560 What persuaded Laura to do it? 399 00:19:48,080 --> 00:19:51,720 Yes, but it wasn't even a good part, all that turgid nonsense... 400 00:19:51,840 --> 00:19:54,120 And what were they wearing? 401 00:19:55,680 --> 00:19:58,520 Medieval, my foot! They just looked like bananas. 402 00:19:58,640 --> 00:20:00,480 (Audience laughing) 403 00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:03,080 No, I haven't read any of them. I don't read the notices. 404 00:20:04,040 --> 00:20:07,200 Oh, well, if they think all that ramping and roaring is good acting, 405 00:20:07,360 --> 00:20:09,600 I'm thankful I'm going to Africa. 406 00:20:10,160 --> 00:20:11,240 Yes, Tony, about 6:00. 407 00:20:11,400 --> 00:20:13,600 Liz will probably be here, she's coming back today, I think. 408 00:20:13,720 --> 00:20:14,680 All right, darling. 409 00:20:14,800 --> 00:20:16,440 Is Miss Stillington dressed yet? 410 00:20:16,600 --> 00:20:19,200 Yes, but she is crying, which makes her slow. 411 00:20:19,320 --> 00:20:20,320 Oh! 412 00:20:20,440 --> 00:20:21,960 The bath was on the blink. 413 00:20:22,080 --> 00:20:24,200 - You'd better get yourself sorted, Garry. - Well, you'd better come in with me, 414 00:20:24,280 --> 00:20:25,800 we can do the rest of the letters while I'm in the bath. 415 00:20:25,920 --> 00:20:28,120 There's only two more. Oh... 416 00:20:28,240 --> 00:20:31,200 An invitation, uh... from Gertrude Lovat. 417 00:20:31,320 --> 00:20:33,880 She's giving a coming-out dance for that pompous-looking daughter of hers... 418 00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:35,240 - Polite refusal. - Yes. 419 00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:38,080 And rather a sweet one from a troop of boy scouts. 420 00:20:38,200 --> 00:20:39,480 Oh, good God! 421 00:20:39,560 --> 00:20:42,040 Apparently, you're a patron to their dramatic club, 422 00:20:42,160 --> 00:20:43,560 which I have to say I'd completely forgotten, 423 00:20:43,680 --> 00:20:47,040 and they're giving a performance of Laughter in Heaven, blah, blah. 424 00:20:47,200 --> 00:20:48,480 And they want you to send them a message. 425 00:20:48,600 --> 00:20:50,120 All right, just send them one. 426 00:20:50,280 --> 00:20:51,800 Well, what shall I say? 427 00:20:51,920 --> 00:20:55,320 Monica, darling, don't tell me you have arrived at the ripe old age of 89 428 00:20:55,400 --> 00:20:59,320 unable to send a little message of hope to a handful of boy scouts. 429 00:20:59,440 --> 00:21:01,480 - Ah! - (Audience laughing, telephone rings) 430 00:21:01,640 --> 00:21:02,880 Uh... 431 00:21:06,400 --> 00:21:08,120 Hello, Mr Essendine's sec... 432 00:21:08,240 --> 00:21:10,560 - Oh, Helen. - (Doorbell buzzing) 433 00:21:10,720 --> 00:21:14,840 Uh, yes, Helen, he's here, but he's just gone to his bath. 434 00:21:16,040 --> 00:21:17,080 Today? 435 00:21:17,200 --> 00:21:19,560 I thought you weren't going until the end of the week. 436 00:21:19,680 --> 00:21:21,520 - Hello, Miss Erikson. - (Monica) Yes, of course. 437 00:21:21,600 --> 00:21:23,680 - Is everybody in? - (Monica) He's not lunching until half-past. 438 00:21:23,800 --> 00:21:27,080 - Yes, all right, Helen. Yes, I'll tell him. - Some bread... from Paris. 439 00:21:27,240 --> 00:21:29,240 Good morning, Monica dear. 440 00:21:29,360 --> 00:21:32,600 Liz! We didn't expect you back until tonight. 441 00:21:32,720 --> 00:21:38,600 I came over on the plane, loaded with gifts like an Eastern potentate. 442 00:21:38,760 --> 00:21:40,960 - Here's one for you. - Oh, how lovely! 443 00:21:41,080 --> 00:21:43,120 It's a bottle of scent and very expensive. 444 00:21:43,200 --> 00:21:46,440 Oh, thanks ever so much, Liz, you're a darling. 445 00:21:46,560 --> 00:21:48,480 - What's God up to? - He's in the bath. 446 00:21:48,640 --> 00:21:49,920 I've brought him a dressing gown. 447 00:21:50,080 --> 00:21:53,080 Oh, how thoughtful. He's only got 18. 448 00:21:53,960 --> 00:21:55,320 Don't be acid, Monica. 449 00:21:55,400 --> 00:21:58,280 You know he loves peacocking about in something new. 450 00:21:58,360 --> 00:22:02,560 This looks wonderful, Liz. I shan't open it properly until I get home. 451 00:22:02,680 --> 00:22:06,320 Miss Erikson looked more peculiar than ever this morning. 452 00:22:06,440 --> 00:22:08,840 Is her spiritualism getting worse? 453 00:22:09,480 --> 00:22:15,320 Well, she got in touch with a dead friend at a séance on Saturday, 454 00:22:15,440 --> 00:22:19,080 and all he said was, "No, No, No". 455 00:22:20,360 --> 00:22:23,160 And, "Christmas Day"! 456 00:22:23,240 --> 00:22:24,960 It upset her very much. 457 00:22:25,080 --> 00:22:28,800 - (Phone ringing) - This damned thing never stops! 458 00:22:28,960 --> 00:22:30,720 Hello, Mr Essendine's... 459 00:22:30,840 --> 00:22:32,160 Oh, Morris? 460 00:22:32,920 --> 00:22:35,160 Uh, yes, he's here, Morris, but he's just gone to his bath. 461 00:22:35,240 --> 00:22:37,160 But Liz is here if you want to talk to her. 462 00:22:37,240 --> 00:22:40,240 Yes, I know. She's just arrived this very minute. 463 00:22:41,480 --> 00:22:43,360 Good morning, Morris darling. 464 00:22:44,080 --> 00:22:46,240 No, on the plane. 465 00:22:46,360 --> 00:22:48,080 Yes, I saw the play twice. 466 00:22:48,200 --> 00:22:51,240 We shall have to alter the end for England, but I talked to Vallion, 467 00:22:51,360 --> 00:22:54,800 and he didn't seem to mind what happened, as long as Garry played it. 468 00:22:55,800 --> 00:22:59,200 I told him your idea about Janet playing Eloise, 469 00:22:59,320 --> 00:23:02,520 and he said that although he knew she was a formidable actress, 470 00:23:02,600 --> 00:23:05,280 he'd rather someone who looked less like a guinea pig. 471 00:23:05,400 --> 00:23:06,440 (Audience laughing) 472 00:23:06,600 --> 00:23:09,560 No, he said it in French. Cochon d'Inde. 473 00:23:10,480 --> 00:23:12,840 Quite literally, pig of India. 474 00:23:13,440 --> 00:23:16,800 No, he's a very sweet little man, and I adore him. 475 00:23:17,360 --> 00:23:19,880 I'll come to the office directly after lunch, yes. All right. 476 00:23:21,040 --> 00:23:22,240 Good morning, Miss. 477 00:23:22,920 --> 00:23:25,160 Hello, Fred, how's everything? 478 00:23:25,320 --> 00:23:27,080 Bit of a lash-up, Miss, as usual. 479 00:23:27,720 --> 00:23:31,000 Do you think I could have a cup of coffee? I feel a sinking. 480 00:23:31,120 --> 00:23:33,880 - Rightyo, Miss. - Oh, bring me one too, please, Fred. 481 00:23:35,520 --> 00:23:38,760 It's very resolute of Fred to go on calling me "Miss". 482 00:23:38,880 --> 00:23:40,720 - Isn't it? - Yes. 483 00:23:40,800 --> 00:23:45,040 I think he has this sort of idea that when you gave up being Garry's wife, 484 00:23:45,120 --> 00:23:48,200 you automatically reverted to maidenhood. 485 00:23:48,360 --> 00:23:50,080 It's a very pretty thought. 486 00:23:50,880 --> 00:23:52,040 I beg your pardon. 487 00:23:52,200 --> 00:23:55,640 Oh, I'm most awfully sorry about the bath, Miss Stillington. 488 00:23:56,080 --> 00:23:57,080 Didn't matter a bit. 489 00:23:57,200 --> 00:24:01,160 This is Mrs Essendine, Miss Stillington. 490 00:24:01,840 --> 00:24:03,800 - Oh! - (Audience laughing) 491 00:24:03,960 --> 00:24:05,480 How do you do? 492 00:24:07,320 --> 00:24:08,840 Mrs Essendine. You mean... 493 00:24:08,920 --> 00:24:10,160 I mean... 494 00:24:10,280 --> 00:24:11,960 - Are you Garry's wife? - Yes. 495 00:24:12,080 --> 00:24:14,400 - Oh, I thought he was divorced. - We never quite got round to it. 496 00:24:14,520 --> 00:24:16,520 - Oh, I see. - But please don't look agitated. 497 00:24:16,600 --> 00:24:18,720 I upped and left him years ago. 498 00:24:18,840 --> 00:24:22,560 Miss Stillington lost her latchkey last night... 499 00:24:22,680 --> 00:24:24,560 (Audience laughing) 500 00:24:25,720 --> 00:24:30,320 ...so she stayed in the spare room, obviously. 501 00:24:31,600 --> 00:24:36,840 Oh, you poor dear. You must be absolutely congealed. 502 00:24:36,960 --> 00:24:38,320 (Audience chuckling) 503 00:24:39,760 --> 00:24:42,160 (Audience laughing) 504 00:24:42,240 --> 00:24:44,160 Do you think I could get a taxi? 505 00:24:44,320 --> 00:24:46,040 - Oh, yes, I'll ring up for one. - Oh, no, don't do that. 506 00:24:46,160 --> 00:24:48,480 My car's downstairs, it can take you wherever you want to go. 507 00:24:48,600 --> 00:24:50,120 That's most awfully kind of you. 508 00:24:50,200 --> 00:24:51,840 Not at all. The chauffeur's got bright red hair, 509 00:24:51,960 --> 00:24:53,560 and his name's Frobisher. You can't miss him. 510 00:24:53,680 --> 00:24:56,040 Thanks ever so much, if you're sure it's not inconvenient? 511 00:24:56,160 --> 00:24:58,680 Not in the least. Just tell him to come straight back here after he's dropped you. 512 00:24:58,760 --> 00:25:00,560 Oh, yes, of course. I will. 513 00:25:00,680 --> 00:25:02,200 Thank you. Goodbye. 514 00:25:02,320 --> 00:25:03,640 Goodbye. 515 00:25:04,320 --> 00:25:06,240 I do hope you haven't caught a cold. 516 00:25:06,400 --> 00:25:07,680 No, I don't think so. Goodbye. 517 00:25:07,840 --> 00:25:09,600 - I'll see you out. - Oh, please, don't trouble. 518 00:25:09,760 --> 00:25:11,880 No trouble at all. 519 00:25:12,000 --> 00:25:15,160 - Do you want anything with it, Miss? - No, thank you, Fred, just the coffee. 520 00:25:16,120 --> 00:25:17,920 I'll tell his nibs you're here. I don't think he knows. 521 00:25:18,040 --> 00:25:19,480 Thank you, Fred. 522 00:25:19,600 --> 00:25:20,800 Oh... (Huffs) 523 00:25:20,920 --> 00:25:24,120 Has that been going on long or is it new? 524 00:25:24,200 --> 00:25:26,280 Quite new. 525 00:25:26,400 --> 00:25:29,760 I found it flitting around first thing in its wings. 526 00:25:30,920 --> 00:25:32,360 Very discouraging. 527 00:25:32,440 --> 00:25:33,480 Yes. 528 00:25:34,760 --> 00:25:36,200 Oh... 529 00:25:36,280 --> 00:25:37,840 Do you know, Liz, 530 00:25:39,240 --> 00:25:43,200 I really think it's time we all went for Garry again, 531 00:25:43,360 --> 00:25:46,440 if only out of consideration for Africa. 532 00:25:47,200 --> 00:25:50,400 He's not really nearly as flamboyant as he pretends to be, 533 00:25:50,520 --> 00:25:54,640 he's just incapable of saying "no" or "goodbye". 534 00:25:54,720 --> 00:25:56,800 Oh, he says goodbye often enough, 535 00:25:56,920 --> 00:25:58,960 he just always manages to give the impression 536 00:25:59,040 --> 00:26:00,760 that he doesn't really mean it. 537 00:26:00,880 --> 00:26:02,120 I'll have a go at him. 538 00:26:02,280 --> 00:26:06,640 Well, if you think a big scene's necessary, we can get Morris and Helen, as well, 539 00:26:06,720 --> 00:26:10,640 have a real rouser the night before he sails. 540 00:26:10,760 --> 00:26:13,600 It's generally more effective when we all do it together. 541 00:26:13,720 --> 00:26:16,240 Morris is awfully hysterical these days, 542 00:26:16,320 --> 00:26:20,160 and Helen's not nearly so reliable since she married Joe. 543 00:26:22,840 --> 00:26:24,200 Do you like him? 544 00:26:24,960 --> 00:26:26,040 Joe? 545 00:26:26,960 --> 00:26:30,440 He's a handsome creature, but tricky. 546 00:26:31,840 --> 00:26:33,760 Yes, I think I like him all right. 547 00:26:35,240 --> 00:26:36,480 I don't. 548 00:26:37,240 --> 00:26:40,040 You never would, darling, he's not your cup of tea at all. 549 00:26:40,120 --> 00:26:42,320 - Who isn't? - Joe. Helen's Joe. 550 00:26:42,440 --> 00:26:46,080 He's all right, bit predatory perhaps. 551 00:26:46,200 --> 00:26:48,440 But then as far as I can see, everyone's a bit predatory 552 00:26:48,560 --> 00:26:50,040 in some form or another. 553 00:26:50,120 --> 00:26:52,520 - I shall give it up for Lent. - Hello, darling, welcome back. 554 00:26:52,680 --> 00:26:54,680 - Where's my present? - It's over there. 555 00:26:54,800 --> 00:26:56,520 (Audience laughing) 556 00:26:58,240 --> 00:27:01,040 It's not another glass horse, is it? 557 00:27:01,160 --> 00:27:02,880 No, it's a dressing gown. 558 00:27:03,040 --> 00:27:05,640 Oh...! 559 00:27:05,760 --> 00:27:09,400 How wonderful! 560 00:27:09,520 --> 00:27:12,200 It's nice and thin, and highly suitable for Africa. 561 00:27:12,360 --> 00:27:14,840 Just what I wanted. 562 00:27:14,960 --> 00:27:17,480 Thank you, darling. It's absolutely charming. 563 00:27:17,640 --> 00:27:19,840 I'm mad about it. 564 00:27:19,960 --> 00:27:21,520 (Audience laughing) 565 00:27:23,240 --> 00:27:26,600 Helen rang up. She's going to Brussels this afternoon, 566 00:27:26,760 --> 00:27:28,120 and she's coming in to see you before she goes. 567 00:27:28,240 --> 00:27:29,360 - All right. - With Morris, too, I think. 568 00:27:29,480 --> 00:27:30,520 Well, go away then, Monica. 569 00:27:30,640 --> 00:27:33,800 I must talk to Garry before Morris gets here, it's important. 570 00:27:33,960 --> 00:27:37,720 Well, you better be quick because that Mr Maule's gonna be here any minute. 571 00:27:37,840 --> 00:27:39,760 - Who's he? - Och, you know perfectly well. 572 00:27:39,840 --> 00:27:43,200 He's the young man who wrote that mad play half in verse 573 00:27:43,360 --> 00:27:44,440 and caught you on the telephone, 574 00:27:44,560 --> 00:27:48,880 and you were so busy being attractive and unspoiled by your great success 575 00:27:49,040 --> 00:27:50,280 that you promised him an appointment. 576 00:27:50,400 --> 00:27:52,280 Well, I can't see him. 577 00:27:52,400 --> 00:27:54,440 You ought to protect me from things like that. 578 00:27:54,520 --> 00:27:59,160 You must see him, he's coming all the way from Uckfield. 579 00:27:59,240 --> 00:28:00,400 And it serves you right 580 00:28:00,480 --> 00:28:02,840 for snatching the telephone away from me when I wasn't looking. 581 00:28:02,960 --> 00:28:06,360 I've noticed a great change in you lately, Monica. 582 00:28:06,440 --> 00:28:10,520 I don't know whether it's because you've given up cramming yourself with potatoes 583 00:28:10,640 --> 00:28:12,760 or what it is, 584 00:28:12,880 --> 00:28:17,560 but you're getting nastier and nastier 585 00:28:17,680 --> 00:28:20,120 with every day that passes. 586 00:28:20,240 --> 00:28:21,520 Go away. 587 00:28:21,600 --> 00:28:22,840 (Audience laughing) 588 00:28:22,960 --> 00:28:23,920 I'm going. 589 00:28:24,080 --> 00:28:25,160 - Who gave you that? - Liz. 590 00:28:25,320 --> 00:28:26,600 Most unsuitable. 591 00:28:26,680 --> 00:28:28,600 If you want me, Garry, I shall be in the office. 592 00:28:28,720 --> 00:28:29,960 Of course you'll be in the office, 593 00:28:30,120 --> 00:28:32,920 spinning awful plots and intrigues against me. 594 00:28:33,040 --> 00:28:36,000 - I will if I can think of any. - Go away, go away. 595 00:28:36,160 --> 00:28:41,400 Oh, Liz, do try and persuade him to have some electric treatments on his hair - 596 00:28:41,480 --> 00:28:43,200 it's getting terribly thin! 597 00:28:43,360 --> 00:28:45,760 (Audience laughing, phone ringing) 598 00:28:47,440 --> 00:28:49,640 And switch the telephone off! 599 00:28:49,800 --> 00:28:51,160 (Monica) All right! 600 00:28:51,280 --> 00:28:53,760 - Now then, tell me everything. - I saw the play. 601 00:28:53,920 --> 00:28:55,400 - It was good? - Yes, very. 602 00:28:55,560 --> 00:28:56,640 We shall have to change it a bit, 603 00:28:56,800 --> 00:28:59,120 but Vallion is quite willing to let us do what we like. 604 00:28:59,240 --> 00:29:02,000 But I don't want to go on about it now until I've mulled it over a little more. 605 00:29:02,120 --> 00:29:03,360 I'm seeing Morris after lunch. 606 00:29:03,520 --> 00:29:05,080 Well, I've told him I can't open till November. 607 00:29:05,200 --> 00:29:07,400 I must have a holiday after Africa. 608 00:29:07,560 --> 00:29:09,120 And it depends on what theatre we get. 609 00:29:09,280 --> 00:29:13,240 Now then, I want to talk to you about something else. 610 00:29:13,360 --> 00:29:15,840 I don't like that tone at all. What's on your mind? 611 00:29:16,000 --> 00:29:17,760 You. Your general behaviour. 612 00:29:17,880 --> 00:29:19,480 (Whimpers) 613 00:29:19,600 --> 00:29:21,640 Liz, really, what have I done now? 614 00:29:21,800 --> 00:29:25,160 Don't you think it's time you started to relax? 615 00:29:25,320 --> 00:29:26,400 What on earth are you talking about? 616 00:29:26,560 --> 00:29:29,960 Who was that poor little creature I saw here this morning in fancy dress? 617 00:29:30,040 --> 00:29:32,800 - She'd lost her latchkey! - (Audience laughing) 618 00:29:32,920 --> 00:29:34,840 - They often do! - Now listen to me, Liz... 619 00:29:34,960 --> 00:29:37,720 - You're over forty, you know. - Only just. 620 00:29:37,840 --> 00:29:39,040 And in my humble opinion, 621 00:29:39,160 --> 00:29:43,600 all this casual scampering about on to anything on two legs is rather undignified. 622 00:29:43,680 --> 00:29:44,640 Scampering indeed. 623 00:29:44,800 --> 00:29:46,760 You have a genius for putting things unpleasantly. 624 00:29:46,920 --> 00:29:50,520 Don't misunderstand me, I'm not taking a moral view. 625 00:29:50,600 --> 00:29:53,240 I gave that up as hopeless years ago. 626 00:29:53,360 --> 00:29:59,920 I'm merely basing my little homily on reason, dignity, position, 627 00:30:00,000 --> 00:30:02,600 and, let's face it, age. 628 00:30:03,520 --> 00:30:05,200 Perhaps you'd like me to live in a bath chair! 629 00:30:05,280 --> 00:30:07,000 It would certainly have its compensations. 630 00:30:07,120 --> 00:30:09,120 It's all very well for you to come roaring back from Paris 631 00:30:09,240 --> 00:30:12,120 where you've been up to God knows what and start to bully me... 632 00:30:12,200 --> 00:30:13,880 - I'm not bullying you. - Yes, you are. 633 00:30:14,000 --> 00:30:16,800 You're sitting there, smug as be damned on your awful little cloud 634 00:30:16,920 --> 00:30:18,240 - blowing down on me. - Don't bluster. 635 00:30:18,360 --> 00:30:21,280 Who deserted me and left me prey to everybody in the first place? 636 00:30:21,400 --> 00:30:22,360 Answer me that! 637 00:30:22,480 --> 00:30:23,680 - I did, thank God. - Well then. 638 00:30:23,800 --> 00:30:25,080 Well, would you have liked me to have stayed? 639 00:30:25,160 --> 00:30:27,160 - Certainly not, you drove me mad. - (Audience laughing) 640 00:30:27,280 --> 00:30:29,600 Well, stop shilly-shallying about, then, and pay attention. 641 00:30:29,760 --> 00:30:33,120 This, to date, is the most irritating morning of my life. 642 00:30:33,280 --> 00:30:34,960 (Audience laughing) 643 00:30:35,800 --> 00:30:37,880 I can remember better ones. 644 00:30:38,000 --> 00:30:39,440 Where were we? 645 00:30:39,560 --> 00:30:42,720 Be good. There's a darling, I mean it. 646 00:30:42,880 --> 00:30:45,760 - Mean what? - Exactly this. 647 00:30:45,880 --> 00:30:50,880 You have reached a moment in life when a little restraint would be becoming. 648 00:30:51,040 --> 00:30:54,200 You are no longer a debonair, irresponsible juvenile. 649 00:30:54,320 --> 00:30:55,760 You are an eminent man 650 00:30:55,880 --> 00:30:59,640 advancing, with every sign of reluctance, into middle age. 651 00:30:59,720 --> 00:31:01,120 May God forgive you. 652 00:31:02,480 --> 00:31:03,840 Never mind about that. 653 00:31:04,000 --> 00:31:08,240 Listen, we all know about your irresistible charm. 654 00:31:08,920 --> 00:31:11,720 We've watched it going on monotonously for twenty years. 655 00:31:11,880 --> 00:31:16,880 (Chuckling) I met you for the first time exactly eleven years ago next August, 656 00:31:17,000 --> 00:31:19,200 and you were wearing a very silly hat. 657 00:31:19,320 --> 00:31:20,920 Will you be serious? 658 00:31:21,680 --> 00:31:23,800 Your behaviour naturally affects all of us. 659 00:31:23,920 --> 00:31:26,120 Morris, Helen, Monica and me. 660 00:31:26,960 --> 00:31:30,520 You're responsible for us, and we are responsible for you. 661 00:31:31,400 --> 00:31:33,520 You're fine when dealing with other people's problems, 662 00:31:33,600 --> 00:31:36,680 but when it comes to your own, you're not so hot. 663 00:31:36,840 --> 00:31:38,120 Of all the base ingratitude! 664 00:31:38,280 --> 00:31:41,440 I think the time has come for you to look very carefully at yourself 665 00:31:41,560 --> 00:31:44,640 and see how much you really need all this buccaneering. 666 00:31:44,760 --> 00:31:47,120 Buccaneering? What have you been reading? 667 00:31:48,120 --> 00:31:51,840 Think what fun it would be to be unattractive for a minute or two. 668 00:31:52,480 --> 00:31:55,160 Why, you might take to it like a duck to water, 669 00:31:55,280 --> 00:31:57,200 and honestly, it would be a wonderful change. 670 00:31:57,320 --> 00:31:58,840 Darling Liz. (Kissing) 671 00:31:58,960 --> 00:32:00,280 You really are very sweet. 672 00:32:00,400 --> 00:32:02,600 Oh, dear, I might just as well have been talking Chinese. 673 00:32:02,760 --> 00:32:04,520 Oh, don't be cross, Liz darling. 674 00:32:04,680 --> 00:32:06,360 I do see what you mean, I do. 675 00:32:06,440 --> 00:32:08,080 Honestly, I do, I do. 676 00:32:08,160 --> 00:32:09,760 (Audience chuckling) 677 00:32:10,840 --> 00:32:12,280 Well, that's rather sudden, isn't it? 678 00:32:12,400 --> 00:32:14,400 After your belligerence a few moments ago? 679 00:32:14,560 --> 00:32:17,480 Well, surely, I may be allowed a little change of mood? 680 00:32:17,560 --> 00:32:20,320 - You're acting again! - (Chuckling) 681 00:32:20,440 --> 00:32:23,040 Seriously, though, don't you think you've been a little harsh on me? 682 00:32:23,160 --> 00:32:26,200 I admit I'm a trifle feckless every now and then, 683 00:32:26,320 --> 00:32:28,280 but I really don't do any harm to anybody. 684 00:32:28,440 --> 00:32:31,480 You do harm to yourself and to the few... 685 00:32:31,600 --> 00:32:35,040 Well, the very few, who really mind about you. 686 00:32:35,640 --> 00:32:39,360 I suppose you've discussed all this with Monica and Helen and Morris? 687 00:32:39,480 --> 00:32:43,280 No, I haven't yet, but I will unless I see some signs of improvement. 688 00:32:43,400 --> 00:32:44,840 - Oh, blackmail, huh? - Why not? 689 00:32:45,000 --> 00:32:48,680 The thing that fascinates me in life is people's arrogance. 690 00:32:48,840 --> 00:32:50,560 It's fantastic. 691 00:32:50,680 --> 00:32:53,760 Look at you all. Gossiping in corners, whispering behind fans, 692 00:32:53,920 --> 00:32:55,560 telling me what to do, what not to do. 693 00:32:55,680 --> 00:32:57,800 It's downright sauce, that's what it is. 694 00:32:57,880 --> 00:33:01,880 What happens if I release my loving hold on any of you for a minute? 695 00:33:02,000 --> 00:33:03,280 Disaster! 696 00:33:03,360 --> 00:33:06,720 I happen to go to New York to play a three-month season. 697 00:33:06,840 --> 00:33:09,560 Helen immediately gets pneumonia, goes to Portofino to recover, 698 00:33:09,680 --> 00:33:11,240 meets Joe and marries him! 699 00:33:11,320 --> 00:33:14,480 I have a brief holiday to St Tropez for a month in 1937, 700 00:33:14,600 --> 00:33:16,200 and when I come back, what do I discover? 701 00:33:16,320 --> 00:33:20,800 You and Morris between you have bought the dullest Hungarian play ever written 702 00:33:20,920 --> 00:33:24,880 and put it into rehearsals with Phoebe Lucas in the leading part. 703 00:33:24,960 --> 00:33:29,480 Phoebe Lucas as a glamorous courtesan... 704 00:33:30,880 --> 00:33:33,880 ...with about as much sex appeal as a haddock! 705 00:33:34,000 --> 00:33:35,400 (Audience laughing) 706 00:33:35,520 --> 00:33:36,760 How long did it last? 707 00:33:36,880 --> 00:33:38,400 One week! 708 00:33:38,560 --> 00:33:41,000 And that was only because the press said it was lascivious. 709 00:33:41,160 --> 00:33:43,000 - Isn't all this a little beside the point? - Certainly not. 710 00:33:43,120 --> 00:33:46,040 Twenty years ago, Helen put all her money into The Lost Cavalier. 711 00:33:46,200 --> 00:33:51,080 And who played it for eighteen months to capacity with extra matinées? 712 00:33:51,160 --> 00:33:52,120 I did. 713 00:33:52,240 --> 00:33:55,400 And who started his entire career as a producer on that play? 714 00:33:55,560 --> 00:33:56,560 Morris! 715 00:33:56,640 --> 00:34:00,680 I wish you'd stop asking questions and answering them yourself. 716 00:34:00,840 --> 00:34:02,080 It's making me giddy. 717 00:34:02,200 --> 00:34:03,800 Where would you all be if it wasn't for me? 718 00:34:03,920 --> 00:34:06,440 Where would Monica be if I hadn't snatched her away 719 00:34:06,520 --> 00:34:08,640 from that sinister old aunt of hers and given her a job? 720 00:34:08,800 --> 00:34:09,880 With the sinister old aunt. 721 00:34:10,000 --> 00:34:16,120 And you! One of the most depressing, melancholy actresses on the English stage. 722 00:34:17,160 --> 00:34:21,320 Where would you be if I hadn't forced you to stop acting and start writing? 723 00:34:21,400 --> 00:34:24,280 - Probably acting. - Good God, I even had to marry you to do it. 724 00:34:24,400 --> 00:34:26,120 Oh, and a fine gesture that turned out to be. 725 00:34:26,280 --> 00:34:29,360 Well, I was in love with you longer than I was with anybody else, you can't grumble. 726 00:34:30,040 --> 00:34:31,280 I never grumbled. 727 00:34:31,400 --> 00:34:34,360 I believe in going through any experience, however shattering. 728 00:34:34,480 --> 00:34:36,480 (Chuckling) 729 00:34:37,640 --> 00:34:40,880 You adored me. You know you did. 730 00:34:41,480 --> 00:34:43,120 (Grunts) 731 00:34:43,200 --> 00:34:44,640 I still do, darling. 732 00:34:45,400 --> 00:34:48,000 You're so chivalrous, rubbing it in how dependent we all are on you 733 00:34:48,160 --> 00:34:50,000 - for every breath we take. - I didn't say that. 734 00:34:50,120 --> 00:34:52,880 You're just as dependent on us, anyway, now. 735 00:34:53,000 --> 00:34:57,080 We stop you being extravagant and buying houses every five minutes. 736 00:34:57,200 --> 00:35:01,080 We stopped you, in the nick of time, from playing Peer Gynt. 737 00:35:01,160 --> 00:35:03,360 (Audience laughing) 738 00:35:06,360 --> 00:35:09,040 I still maintain I should have been magnificent as Peer Gynt. 739 00:35:09,120 --> 00:35:13,400 But above all, we stop you from overacting. 740 00:35:18,120 --> 00:35:19,600 You have gone too far now, Liz. 741 00:35:19,680 --> 00:35:21,760 - (Audience laughing) - I think you'd better go away somewhere. 742 00:35:21,880 --> 00:35:23,320 Oh, but I've only just come back. 743 00:35:23,440 --> 00:35:25,320 Monica! Monica! Come here at once. 744 00:35:25,920 --> 00:35:26,880 What on earth's the matter? 745 00:35:27,000 --> 00:35:29,400 Have you or have you not ever seen me overact? 746 00:35:29,480 --> 00:35:30,440 Frequently. 747 00:35:30,600 --> 00:35:32,360 It's a conspiracy! I knew it! 748 00:35:32,520 --> 00:35:35,040 As a matter of fact, you're overacting now. 749 00:35:35,200 --> 00:35:37,560 Oh, very well, I give in, everybody is against me. 750 00:35:37,640 --> 00:35:40,480 It doesn't matter about me. Oh, no, I'm only the breadwinner. 751 00:35:40,600 --> 00:35:43,760 It doesn't matter how much I'm wounded and insulted! 752 00:35:44,360 --> 00:35:48,600 It doesn't matter how much my timorous belief in myself is subtly undermined. 753 00:35:48,680 --> 00:35:52,120 Your belief in yourself is about as timorous as Napoleon's. 754 00:35:52,960 --> 00:35:56,120 And look what happened to him. He died forsaken and alone 755 00:35:56,240 --> 00:35:58,560 on a beastly little island in the middle of the sea. 756 00:35:58,680 --> 00:36:00,080 Islands have that in common. 757 00:36:00,200 --> 00:36:01,720 (Audience chuckling) 758 00:36:01,840 --> 00:36:03,640 You're trying to be funny now because you're ashamed. 759 00:36:03,760 --> 00:36:05,240 You're ashamed because you know perfectly well 760 00:36:05,400 --> 00:36:06,800 that you've hurt me unbearably. 761 00:36:06,920 --> 00:36:10,680 I doubt if any of you would care a fig if I were exiled forever tomorrow. 762 00:36:10,760 --> 00:36:12,280 You'd probably be delighted. 763 00:36:12,400 --> 00:36:14,960 I expect that's why I'm being forced to go to Africa. 764 00:36:15,080 --> 00:36:19,360 - You are longing to go, and you know it! - Forced! Forced! 765 00:36:19,480 --> 00:36:22,240 But, oh, darling, do be careful when you're there for heaven's sake, 766 00:36:22,360 --> 00:36:24,360 and don't go having affairs with everybody 767 00:36:24,480 --> 00:36:27,280 and showing off and letting down the whole thing. 768 00:36:27,360 --> 00:36:28,600 I shall live like a monk. 769 00:36:28,720 --> 00:36:33,880 I shall spend my entire time there in a sad, grey, dilapidated hotel, all by myself, 770 00:36:34,000 --> 00:36:35,640 and I won't speak to a living soul, 771 00:36:35,720 --> 00:36:38,960 and if I die of melancholia, perhaps you'll all be satisfied. 772 00:36:39,080 --> 00:36:40,240 (Audience laughing) 773 00:36:41,760 --> 00:36:44,440 Now then, about Morris. I want you to concentrate for a minute. 774 00:36:44,560 --> 00:36:45,640 How can I concentrate? 775 00:36:45,800 --> 00:36:47,680 You come here, and you say the most awful things to me, 776 00:36:47,800 --> 00:36:51,040 and then say calmly, "Now then, about Morris", as if you'd been discussing the weather. 777 00:36:51,160 --> 00:36:52,520 - I'm very worried. - Serves you right. 778 00:36:52,600 --> 00:36:54,120 About Morris! 779 00:36:54,240 --> 00:36:55,760 What about Morris? What's wrong with him? 780 00:36:55,880 --> 00:36:58,640 Well, I'm not definitely sure that anything is, really, 781 00:36:58,760 --> 00:37:00,000 but I've heard things. 782 00:37:00,160 --> 00:37:01,440 What things? 783 00:37:02,200 --> 00:37:04,040 - It's Joe. - Joe? 784 00:37:05,200 --> 00:37:07,400 Apparently, Morris is in love with him. 785 00:37:08,080 --> 00:37:09,680 I don't know how far it's gone, or any details, 786 00:37:09,800 --> 00:37:13,080 but I do know that if it's true, something ought to be done about it 787 00:37:13,160 --> 00:37:14,360 before Helen finds out. 788 00:37:15,480 --> 00:37:17,480 Morris and Joe! Who told you? 789 00:37:17,560 --> 00:37:19,400 Bobbie first, when we were driving out from Versailles, 790 00:37:19,480 --> 00:37:21,000 but I didn't pay much attention to that, 791 00:37:21,120 --> 00:37:24,560 because we all know he's the world's worst mischief maker anyhow. 792 00:37:24,680 --> 00:37:28,720 But then about two nights later, Louise tackled me about him in Maxim's. 793 00:37:28,800 --> 00:37:30,400 And you know how she adores Helen. 794 00:37:30,520 --> 00:37:32,640 Does Helen suspect anything? 795 00:37:32,760 --> 00:37:35,040 I don't think so, but then she never would, would she? 796 00:37:35,160 --> 00:37:36,640 Until it was shoved under her nose. 797 00:37:36,760 --> 00:37:40,440 She ought never to have married Joe. I always said it was a grave mistake. 798 00:37:40,520 --> 00:37:41,720 He's dangerous, all right. 799 00:37:41,840 --> 00:37:43,480 I've always run a mile from him. 800 00:37:49,640 --> 00:37:52,040 Morris! He couldn't be such a fool, could he? 801 00:37:52,120 --> 00:37:53,560 I had a feeling something was wrong. 802 00:37:53,680 --> 00:37:57,640 Oh, God, just when I'm going to Africa and everything. 803 00:37:59,600 --> 00:38:02,120 This might just bust up the whole firm. 804 00:38:02,280 --> 00:38:05,200 If Helen finds out, it certainly will. 805 00:38:05,280 --> 00:38:06,440 What are we to do? 806 00:38:06,520 --> 00:38:09,600 Well, you'd better first of all find out from Morris whether it's true or not, 807 00:38:09,720 --> 00:38:13,720 and if it is, how far it's gone, and then read the riot act and get him away. 808 00:38:13,840 --> 00:38:15,840 Take him with you to Africa - anything! 809 00:38:16,000 --> 00:38:17,400 - (Doorbell buzzing) - Oh, God! 810 00:38:17,480 --> 00:38:20,640 That beastly young man from Uckfield. I can't face him. 811 00:38:20,760 --> 00:38:23,640 It might not be the young man at all, it might be Morris. 812 00:38:23,720 --> 00:38:25,440 To hell with Morris. To hell with everybody. 813 00:38:25,560 --> 00:38:29,080 Don't be idiotic. You know as well as I do that if there is any truth in this Joe business, 814 00:38:29,200 --> 00:38:31,280 it'll land us all in the most sordid complications 815 00:38:31,400 --> 00:38:33,600 and probably wreck everything. 816 00:38:33,760 --> 00:38:35,200 You have got to find out. 817 00:38:35,320 --> 00:38:38,040 And if you don't, I shall. I'm seeing him at 2:30. 818 00:38:38,120 --> 00:38:39,360 Well, he's not gonna tell you anything. 819 00:38:39,480 --> 00:38:41,680 He'll only fly into a rage and tell you to mind your own business. 820 00:38:41,760 --> 00:38:44,240 I shall be in until 1:15. Telephone me when he's gone. 821 00:38:44,360 --> 00:38:46,080 He won't go, I'm lunching with him. 822 00:38:46,200 --> 00:38:48,760 I can't give you a detailed report of his love life over the telephone 823 00:38:48,880 --> 00:38:50,280 with him still in the room. 824 00:38:50,800 --> 00:38:54,160 Well, dial my number by mistake and just say, "Sorry, it's a wrong number", 825 00:38:54,320 --> 00:38:55,640 - and then I shall know. - What will you know? 826 00:38:55,760 --> 00:38:57,200 That everything's all right. 827 00:38:57,320 --> 00:38:59,400 But if you say, "I'm so terribly sorry, it's a wrong number", 828 00:38:59,520 --> 00:39:02,280 I shall know that everything's all wrong and be round in a flash to back you up. 829 00:39:02,400 --> 00:39:03,920 (Audience laughing) 830 00:39:04,040 --> 00:39:05,200 Intrigue! 831 00:39:05,280 --> 00:39:06,720 (Audience laughing) 832 00:39:06,880 --> 00:39:09,960 My whole existence is enmeshed in intrigue. 833 00:39:10,080 --> 00:39:11,600 Have you got that clear? 834 00:39:11,720 --> 00:39:13,640 "Sorry, it's a wrong number", everything all right. 835 00:39:13,720 --> 00:39:16,000 "So terribly sorry, it's a wrong number", everything all wrong. 836 00:39:16,120 --> 00:39:17,480 - Yes. - (Doorbell buzzing) 837 00:39:17,640 --> 00:39:20,040 I'll tell you another fascinating thing about my life if you're interested. 838 00:39:20,160 --> 00:39:21,960 Nobody, under any circumstances, 839 00:39:22,080 --> 00:39:24,680 ever answers a doorbell in under half an hour. 840 00:39:25,560 --> 00:39:27,160 Fred, Miss Erikson... 841 00:39:27,280 --> 00:39:28,240 Will you promise to do it? 842 00:39:28,400 --> 00:39:31,680 Miss Erikson, the front doorbell has been pealing incessantly for twenty minutes. 843 00:39:32,440 --> 00:39:36,280 Alas, yes, but there's a woman at the back door with a tiny baby. 844 00:39:36,400 --> 00:39:39,440 - What does she want? - I do not know, there was no time to ask her. 845 00:39:39,560 --> 00:39:41,840 Monica! Monica! 846 00:39:41,960 --> 00:39:44,840 There's a woman at the back door with a tiny baby! 847 00:39:44,920 --> 00:39:48,120 - What does she want? - That can only be discovered by asking her. 848 00:39:48,200 --> 00:39:49,520 Kindly do so. 849 00:39:49,640 --> 00:39:51,840 There's no need to snap at me. 850 00:39:52,000 --> 00:39:55,000 I'm going now. Remember, I shall be in until I hear from you. 851 00:39:55,120 --> 00:39:56,920 - Mr Maule. - How do you do? 852 00:39:57,040 --> 00:39:59,880 - How do you do? - This is my wife, Mr Maule. 853 00:40:00,000 --> 00:40:03,160 She's just popped in for a minute, she's about to pop out again. 854 00:40:03,280 --> 00:40:06,040 I know you have an appointment with Garry, and I wouldn't interrupt it for the world, 855 00:40:06,160 --> 00:40:07,680 - so I'll say goodbye. - Bye. 856 00:40:07,800 --> 00:40:09,680 Don't forget, I'll be sitting by the telephone. 857 00:40:09,800 --> 00:40:11,720 Yes, all right. Do sit down. 858 00:40:11,800 --> 00:40:13,160 Thank you. 859 00:40:13,640 --> 00:40:15,040 Cigarette? 860 00:40:15,160 --> 00:40:17,000 Uh... no. No, thank you. 861 00:40:17,080 --> 00:40:18,360 - Don't you smoke? - No. 862 00:40:18,440 --> 00:40:20,280 - Drink? - No, thank you. 863 00:40:20,360 --> 00:40:21,400 How old are you? 864 00:40:21,520 --> 00:40:23,000 Twenty-five, why? 865 00:40:23,120 --> 00:40:24,200 No reason. Just wondered. 866 00:40:24,760 --> 00:40:25,720 Well, how old are you? 867 00:40:26,800 --> 00:40:28,520 (Audience chuckling) 868 00:40:29,640 --> 00:40:32,160 Forty in December. 869 00:40:32,920 --> 00:40:34,680 Jupiter, you know, very energetic. 870 00:40:34,760 --> 00:40:36,160 (Chuckling) 871 00:40:36,280 --> 00:40:37,920 Yes, of course, yeah. 872 00:40:38,080 --> 00:40:40,240 So, you've come all the way from Uckfield? 873 00:40:40,320 --> 00:40:43,480 - Isn't very far. - It sort of sounds far, doesn't it? 874 00:40:44,320 --> 00:40:46,040 It's quite near Lewes. 875 00:40:46,840 --> 00:40:49,360 Then there's nothing to worry about, is there? 876 00:40:49,440 --> 00:40:52,520 It's a sweet wee thing, but it looks far from well. 877 00:40:52,680 --> 00:40:53,840 - What did she want? - Her sister. 878 00:40:53,960 --> 00:40:55,000 Well, we haven't got her. 879 00:40:55,120 --> 00:40:58,040 Oh, she lives two doors down in the Mews, it was all a mistake. 880 00:40:58,160 --> 00:40:59,120 How do you do? 881 00:40:59,240 --> 00:41:01,360 This is my secretary, Miss Reed, Mr Maule. 882 00:41:01,440 --> 00:41:03,920 I have got your script in the office if you want to take it away with you. 883 00:41:04,040 --> 00:41:06,240 - Thank you very much. - I'll put it in an envelope. 884 00:41:06,400 --> 00:41:08,320 So, I want to talk to you about your play. 885 00:41:09,480 --> 00:41:11,400 Well, I expect you hated it. 886 00:41:11,520 --> 00:41:14,040 Well, to be candid, I thought it was a little uneven. 887 00:41:14,120 --> 00:41:15,840 Yeah, I thought you'd say that. 888 00:41:15,960 --> 00:41:18,520 - I'm glad I'm running so true to form. - (Chuckling) 889 00:41:18,640 --> 00:41:22,080 Well, I mean, it really isn't the sort of thing you would like, is it? 890 00:41:22,240 --> 00:41:23,960 In that case, why did you send it to me? 891 00:41:24,560 --> 00:41:25,520 I just took a chance. 892 00:41:25,640 --> 00:41:29,440 I mean, I know you only play rather trashy stuff as a rule... 893 00:41:30,160 --> 00:41:31,320 Um... 894 00:41:31,880 --> 00:41:33,320 (Audience laughing) 895 00:41:34,440 --> 00:41:37,720 And I... I thought you just might like to have a shot at something deeper. 896 00:41:42,360 --> 00:41:44,640 (Audience laughing) 897 00:41:45,880 --> 00:41:50,200 And what is it in your play, Mr Maule, that you consider so deep? 898 00:41:50,320 --> 00:41:53,560 Apart from the plot, which is completely submerged 899 00:41:53,680 --> 00:41:55,160 after the first four pages. 900 00:41:55,280 --> 00:41:59,040 Plots aren't important, it's ideas that matter. Look at Chekhov. 901 00:41:59,200 --> 00:42:00,440 In addition to ideas, 902 00:42:00,560 --> 00:42:04,320 I think we might concede Chekhov a certain flimsy sense of psychology, don't you? 903 00:42:04,440 --> 00:42:06,400 You mean, my play isn't psychologically accurate? 904 00:42:06,520 --> 00:42:07,960 It isn't very good. 905 00:42:08,080 --> 00:42:09,560 (Audience chuckling) 906 00:42:11,240 --> 00:42:12,440 You know? 907 00:42:13,840 --> 00:42:15,160 Really, it isn't. 908 00:42:15,760 --> 00:42:16,920 I think it's very good indeed. 909 00:42:17,080 --> 00:42:19,320 I understand that perfectly, but you must admit that my opinion, 910 00:42:19,400 --> 00:42:23,320 based on a lifelong experience of the theatre, might be the right one. 911 00:42:23,440 --> 00:42:25,920 - The commercial theatre. - Oh, dear. 912 00:42:27,080 --> 00:42:31,200 I suppose you'll say that Shakespeare wrote for the commercial theatre, 913 00:42:31,320 --> 00:42:35,040 and that the only point of doing anything with the drama at all is to make money. 914 00:42:35,200 --> 00:42:36,480 All those old arguments. 915 00:42:36,600 --> 00:42:39,840 What you don't realise is that the theatre of the future is the theatre of ideas. 916 00:42:40,000 --> 00:42:42,920 That may be, but currently I'm occupied with the theatre of the present. 917 00:42:43,680 --> 00:42:48,080 What do you do with it? Every play you appear in is exactly the same, 918 00:42:48,200 --> 00:42:52,520 superficial, frivolous and without the slightest intellectual significance. 919 00:42:52,680 --> 00:42:57,320 You have a great following and a strong personality, 920 00:42:57,480 --> 00:43:00,960 and all you do is prostitute yourself every night of your life. 921 00:43:01,080 --> 00:43:04,960 All you do with your talent is to wear dressing gowns 922 00:43:05,080 --> 00:43:06,920 and make witty remarks 923 00:43:07,080 --> 00:43:10,080 when you might be really helping people, making them think. Making them feel! 924 00:43:10,200 --> 00:43:13,880 There can be no two opinions. I'm having a most discouraging morning. 925 00:43:14,000 --> 00:43:15,520 (Audience laughing) 926 00:43:15,640 --> 00:43:21,680 If you want to live in people's memories, to go down to posterity as an important man, 927 00:43:21,800 --> 00:43:23,200 you'd better do something about it quickly. 928 00:43:23,320 --> 00:43:24,680 There isn't a moment to be lost! 929 00:43:24,760 --> 00:43:27,440 I don't give a hoot about posterity! 930 00:43:27,560 --> 00:43:29,560 Why should I worry about what people think about me 931 00:43:29,680 --> 00:43:31,320 when I'm dead as a doornail, anyhow? 932 00:43:31,400 --> 00:43:33,760 My worst defect is that I am apt to care too much 933 00:43:33,880 --> 00:43:35,400 about what they think about me when I'm alive. 934 00:43:35,520 --> 00:43:37,560 But I'm not going to do that anymore. I'm changing my methods, 935 00:43:37,640 --> 00:43:39,000 and you're my first experiment. 936 00:43:39,080 --> 00:43:42,520 As a rule, when insufferable young beginners have the impertinence to criticise me, 937 00:43:42,640 --> 00:43:44,840 I dismiss the whole thing lightly because I'm embarrassed for them 938 00:43:45,000 --> 00:43:46,760 and consider it not quite fair game 939 00:43:46,840 --> 00:43:49,640 to puncture their inflated egos quite too sharply. 940 00:43:49,800 --> 00:43:53,080 But this time, my highbrow young friend, you're going to get it in the neck. 941 00:43:53,200 --> 00:43:54,600 (Audience laughing) 942 00:43:54,720 --> 00:43:57,400 To begin with, your play is not a play at all. 943 00:43:57,520 --> 00:44:01,240 It's a meaningless jumble of adolescent, pseudo-intellectual poppycock. 944 00:44:01,360 --> 00:44:04,320 It bears no relation to the theatre or to life or to anything, really. 945 00:44:04,440 --> 00:44:06,800 And you yourself wouldn't be here at all 946 00:44:06,920 --> 00:44:08,920 if I hadn't been bloody fool enough to pick up the telephone 947 00:44:09,040 --> 00:44:10,440 when my secretary wasn't looking. 948 00:44:10,560 --> 00:44:12,680 Now that you are here, however, I want to tell you this. 949 00:44:12,760 --> 00:44:14,040 If you wish to be a playwright, 950 00:44:14,120 --> 00:44:17,560 then just leave the theatre of tomorrow to take care of itself. 951 00:44:17,680 --> 00:44:21,880 Go and get yourself a job as a butler in a repertory company if they'll have you. 952 00:44:22,000 --> 00:44:25,840 Learn from the ground up how plays are constructed 953 00:44:26,000 --> 00:44:28,120 and what is actable and what isn't. 954 00:44:28,240 --> 00:44:32,240 Then sit down and write at least twenty plays, one after the other, 955 00:44:32,360 --> 00:44:36,600 and if you can get the twenty-first produced for a Sunday night performance, 956 00:44:36,680 --> 00:44:38,400 you'll be damned lucky. 957 00:44:42,520 --> 00:44:44,920 I'd no idea you were like this. You're wonderful. 958 00:44:45,040 --> 00:44:46,360 - Oh, my God! - (Audience laughing) 959 00:44:48,960 --> 00:44:53,000 No, I'm awfully sorry if you think that I was impertinent, 960 00:44:53,080 --> 00:44:55,680 but I'm awfully glad, too, because if I hadn't been, 961 00:44:55,840 --> 00:44:57,120 you wouldn't have got angry, 962 00:44:57,280 --> 00:44:59,800 and if you hadn't got angry, then I wouldn't have known what you were really like. 963 00:44:59,920 --> 00:45:01,720 You don't know in the least what I'm really like. 964 00:45:01,840 --> 00:45:04,040 - Oh, yes, I do now. - I don't see how it matters anyhow. 965 00:45:04,120 --> 00:45:05,200 - It matters to me. - Why? 966 00:45:05,280 --> 00:45:07,560 - (Scoffs) Do you really want to know? - What on earth are you talking about? 967 00:45:07,680 --> 00:45:09,280 - It's rather difficult to explain, really. - What is? 968 00:45:09,400 --> 00:45:10,840 - What I feel about you. - Yes... 969 00:45:10,960 --> 00:45:12,760 Just, please... Just... 970 00:45:12,880 --> 00:45:13,920 Just let me speak. 971 00:45:16,920 --> 00:45:22,560 You see, in a way, I've been rather unhappy about you 972 00:45:22,680 --> 00:45:24,640 for quite a long time. 973 00:45:24,760 --> 00:45:27,640 Although, you've been a sort of obsession with me. 974 00:45:27,760 --> 00:45:31,120 I saw you in your last play forty-seven times. (Sobbing) 975 00:45:31,280 --> 00:45:33,400 (Audience laughing) 976 00:45:39,760 --> 00:45:40,720 In one week. 977 00:45:40,880 --> 00:45:42,240 I came every night... 978 00:45:43,960 --> 00:45:45,120 ...in the pit 979 00:45:45,280 --> 00:45:47,200 because I was up in town trying to pass an exam. 980 00:45:47,320 --> 00:45:48,360 Did you pass it? 981 00:45:49,440 --> 00:45:50,400 No, I didn't. 982 00:45:51,520 --> 00:45:52,800 I'm not entirely surprised. 983 00:45:54,840 --> 00:45:57,760 My, um... My father wants me to be a lawyer. 984 00:45:57,880 --> 00:45:59,400 (Coughing) 985 00:46:00,560 --> 00:46:02,400 A lawyer, that's what the exam was for. 986 00:46:03,240 --> 00:46:07,680 But, um... actually, I've been studying psychology a great deal, 987 00:46:07,800 --> 00:46:13,720 because I felt somehow that I wasn't at peace with myself, 988 00:46:14,320 --> 00:46:18,360 and gradually, bit by bit, I began to realise... 989 00:46:19,200 --> 00:46:22,000 ...you signified something to me. 990 00:46:22,760 --> 00:46:23,720 What sort of something? 991 00:46:24,760 --> 00:46:26,400 I... I... 992 00:46:26,560 --> 00:46:28,320 I don't quite know. (Chuckles) 993 00:46:29,280 --> 00:46:30,720 Not yet. 994 00:46:31,960 --> 00:46:35,640 That "not yet" is the most sinister remark I've ever heard in my life. 995 00:46:35,720 --> 00:46:37,440 (Audience laughing) 996 00:46:40,880 --> 00:46:42,520 No, don't laugh at me, please. 997 00:46:42,640 --> 00:46:45,200 I'm always sick if anyone laughs at me. 998 00:46:46,000 --> 00:46:48,800 - You really are the most peculiar young man. - (Audience chuckling) 999 00:46:48,960 --> 00:46:50,600 (Taking deep breaths) 1000 00:46:56,040 --> 00:46:59,320 - I'm all right now. I feel fine. - I'm delighted. 1001 00:46:59,440 --> 00:47:01,560 (Chuckling awkwardly) 1002 00:47:02,560 --> 00:47:04,040 Um... 1003 00:47:05,000 --> 00:47:06,240 Um... 1004 00:47:06,400 --> 00:47:07,960 Can I... 1005 00:47:08,920 --> 00:47:10,080 Can I come and see you again? 1006 00:47:11,800 --> 00:47:13,360 I'm afraid I'm going to Africa. 1007 00:47:15,360 --> 00:47:17,680 Would you see me if I came to Africa, too? 1008 00:47:18,720 --> 00:47:21,400 I really think you'd be happier in Uckfield. 1009 00:47:21,520 --> 00:47:22,560 (Audience laughing) 1010 00:47:23,800 --> 00:47:27,520 I expect you think I'm mad, 1011 00:47:27,640 --> 00:47:29,000 but I'm not, really. 1012 00:47:29,080 --> 00:47:32,120 I just mind deeply about certain things. 1013 00:47:32,240 --> 00:47:33,760 But I feel much better now, 1014 00:47:33,880 --> 00:47:38,560 because I think I shall be able to sublimate you all right. 1015 00:47:38,680 --> 00:47:40,120 Sublimate me? 1016 00:47:42,360 --> 00:47:43,640 Yeah. 1017 00:47:46,960 --> 00:47:48,600 Good. 1018 00:47:48,680 --> 00:47:50,880 Now, I'm afraid I'm going to have to turn you out, 1019 00:47:51,040 --> 00:47:54,040 because I'm expecting my manager, and we do have a great deal to discuss. 1020 00:47:54,160 --> 00:47:56,640 - It's all right. I'm going immediately. - Shall I get you your script? 1021 00:47:56,800 --> 00:47:59,800 No, no, no. Tear it up. You were quite right about it. 1022 00:47:59,920 --> 00:48:02,520 It was only written with a part of myself. I can see that now. 1023 00:48:03,160 --> 00:48:04,320 - Goodbye. - Goodbye. 1024 00:48:04,480 --> 00:48:06,600 - Ha! Ooh... - (Audience laughing) 1025 00:48:21,600 --> 00:48:23,680 (Audience laughing) 1026 00:48:28,240 --> 00:48:30,680 - Monica...! - (Audience laughing) 1027 00:48:32,840 --> 00:48:34,440 Has he gone? 1028 00:48:34,560 --> 00:48:36,960 If that young man ever rings up again, 1029 00:48:37,080 --> 00:48:39,160 get rid of him at all costs. 1030 00:48:39,280 --> 00:48:41,000 He's mad as a hatter. 1031 00:48:41,080 --> 00:48:42,720 Why, what did he do? 1032 00:48:42,840 --> 00:48:47,800 He started by insulting me, and he finished by sublimating me. 1033 00:48:47,920 --> 00:48:49,360 Oh! 1034 00:48:49,520 --> 00:48:51,440 You poor dear. 1035 00:48:51,560 --> 00:48:53,760 You look quite shattered. 1036 00:48:54,400 --> 00:48:55,480 Have a glass of sherry. 1037 00:48:55,600 --> 00:48:59,000 Those are the first kind words I've heard this morning. 1038 00:49:00,760 --> 00:49:03,040 I think I'll have a wee nip, too. 1039 00:49:03,160 --> 00:49:05,160 - (Doorbell buzzing) - Oh, God! 1040 00:49:05,680 --> 00:49:08,080 That's Morris. What time is it? 1041 00:49:08,160 --> 00:49:10,960 Twenty to one. Here. I'll let him in. 1042 00:49:11,040 --> 00:49:14,560 It's all right, Miss Erikson. Miss Reed has gone to the door. 1043 00:49:16,720 --> 00:49:18,520 Thank you. 1044 00:49:18,640 --> 00:49:20,640 - M'wah! Darling! - (Kissing) 1045 00:49:20,760 --> 00:49:22,760 There's a strange young man sitting by the lift. 1046 00:49:22,920 --> 00:49:25,040 - What's he doing? - Crying. 1047 00:49:25,720 --> 00:49:28,600 - What have you been up to, Garry? - I haven't been up to anything. 1048 00:49:28,720 --> 00:49:30,640 I merely told him what I thought of his play. 1049 00:49:30,720 --> 00:49:33,480 M'wah! Glad to see you haven't lost your touch. 1050 00:49:33,600 --> 00:49:35,160 - Sherry, Morris? - Yes, thanks. 1051 00:49:35,240 --> 00:49:36,280 Helen? 1052 00:49:36,400 --> 00:49:38,560 Is it the same sherry that you always have? 1053 00:49:39,040 --> 00:49:40,000 (Monica) Yes. 1054 00:49:40,120 --> 00:49:41,560 No, thank you. 1055 00:49:41,680 --> 00:49:42,960 Why not? What's the matter with it? 1056 00:49:43,120 --> 00:49:44,760 Nothing much, it's just not very nice. 1057 00:49:44,840 --> 00:49:47,000 Yeah, she's quite right, it's disgusting. 1058 00:49:47,120 --> 00:49:50,560 If anybody complains about anything else, I shall go out of my mind. 1059 00:49:50,680 --> 00:49:52,880 This studio's been like a wailing wall all morning. 1060 00:49:53,760 --> 00:49:55,080 What's the matter with him, Monica? 1061 00:49:56,040 --> 00:49:58,280 Oh, Liz was just here, and she went for him a bit, 1062 00:49:58,360 --> 00:50:00,640 and then I told him he overacted. 1063 00:50:00,760 --> 00:50:02,360 He really has had rather a beastly time. 1064 00:50:02,480 --> 00:50:05,480 And then that curious young man, on top of everything. 1065 00:50:05,560 --> 00:50:09,600 Well, never mind, Garry, God's in His Heaven, and all's right with the world. 1066 00:50:09,760 --> 00:50:11,920 I've got some lovely bad news for you. 1067 00:50:12,680 --> 00:50:15,960 - Why, what's wrong? - Nora Fenwick can't come to Africa. 1068 00:50:16,040 --> 00:50:17,240 Why not? What's the matter with her? 1069 00:50:17,360 --> 00:50:20,360 - She's broken her leg. - Oh, wow, really? 1070 00:50:20,440 --> 00:50:22,560 It isn't actually so terribly important. 1071 00:50:22,680 --> 00:50:24,760 Oh, no, Helen, it couldn't matter less! 1072 00:50:24,880 --> 00:50:27,480 It only means that I have to spend the entire voyage out there 1073 00:50:27,560 --> 00:50:30,720 rehearsing a new woman in in six different character parts! 1074 00:50:30,880 --> 00:50:32,240 How did the silly fool do it? 1075 00:50:32,360 --> 00:50:34,560 She fell down at Victoria Station. 1076 00:50:34,720 --> 00:50:36,760 Well, she had no right to be at Victoria Station. 1077 00:50:36,880 --> 00:50:37,840 Who do we get? 1078 00:50:38,280 --> 00:50:41,560 Morris wants Beryl Willard, but I don't think she's quite right. 1079 00:50:42,040 --> 00:50:44,640 So, Morris wants Beryl Willard, does he? 1080 00:50:44,760 --> 00:50:47,240 Why not? She's extremely competent. 1081 00:50:47,400 --> 00:50:49,440 I agree. I quite agree. 1082 00:50:49,920 --> 00:50:53,280 Beryl Willard is extremely competent. 1083 00:50:53,440 --> 00:50:55,600 She has been extremely competent, 1084 00:50:55,680 --> 00:50:58,960 man and boy, for well over forty years. 1085 00:50:59,640 --> 00:51:03,080 In addition to her extreme competence, 1086 00:51:03,160 --> 00:51:06,120 she has managed to sustain a spotless reputation 1087 00:51:06,240 --> 00:51:09,120 for being the most paralysing, epoch-making, 1088 00:51:09,280 --> 00:51:12,000 monumental, earth-shattering, 1089 00:51:12,120 --> 00:51:16,120 God-awful bore that ever drew breath! 1090 00:51:16,240 --> 00:51:18,120 Now, really, Garry, I don't see... 1091 00:51:18,240 --> 00:51:21,000 You don't see? Very well, I shall explain further. 1092 00:51:23,720 --> 00:51:26,600 Just one thing, and it's this. 1093 00:51:28,520 --> 00:51:32,240 No prayer, no bribe, no threat, 1094 00:51:32,360 --> 00:51:35,640 no power, human or divine, 1095 00:51:35,720 --> 00:51:37,360 would induce me... 1096 00:51:37,440 --> 00:51:39,040 (Audience chuckling) 1097 00:51:39,160 --> 00:51:40,800 ...to go to Africa... 1098 00:51:40,960 --> 00:51:42,400 (Audience laughing) 1099 00:51:43,280 --> 00:51:45,080 ...with Beryl Willard. 1100 00:51:45,200 --> 00:51:46,760 (Audience laughing) 1101 00:51:46,920 --> 00:51:51,280 I wouldn't go as far as Wimbledon... 1102 00:51:51,360 --> 00:51:53,240 (Audience laughing) 1103 00:51:59,400 --> 00:52:02,480 ...with Beryl Willard. 1104 00:52:02,600 --> 00:52:03,800 (Audience chuckling) 1105 00:52:03,920 --> 00:52:08,240 What he's trying to say is that he doesn't care for Beryl Willard. 1106 00:52:08,360 --> 00:52:11,800 All right, all right, she's out. Whom do you suggest? 1107 00:52:11,920 --> 00:52:15,000 Just a minute, if you're gonna start one of those casting arguments, I'm going. 1108 00:52:15,160 --> 00:52:17,080 I've got to catch a plane for Brussels. 1109 00:52:17,200 --> 00:52:19,680 I only wanted to let you know that you can't have the Mayfair Theatre 1110 00:52:19,800 --> 00:52:21,800 - for the French play in the autumn. - Why not? 1111 00:52:21,960 --> 00:52:24,640 Because Robert's got it for the whole season, starting in September. 1112 00:52:24,760 --> 00:52:26,360 Why did you let him? You knew I wanted it. 1113 00:52:26,800 --> 00:52:29,840 The Forum's much nicer, anyhow, and the capacity's bigger. 1114 00:52:29,960 --> 00:52:31,680 It's a conspiracy. 1115 00:52:31,800 --> 00:52:35,640 You've both of you have been trying to get me into that underheated morgue for years. 1116 00:52:35,720 --> 00:52:38,200 It's been done up and redecorated. 1117 00:52:38,320 --> 00:52:43,200 It'll have to be rebuilt brick by brick before I set foot in it. 1118 00:52:43,360 --> 00:52:44,840 Arrange it later, will you, Morris? 1119 00:52:45,000 --> 00:52:47,600 He's obviously in one of his states this morning. I can't stop now. 1120 00:52:47,720 --> 00:52:49,560 What are you going to Brussels for, anyhow? 1121 00:52:49,640 --> 00:52:53,560 Business. Nice, ordinary, straightforward business. 1122 00:52:53,680 --> 00:52:56,600 Nothing to do with the theatre at all. I can't wait to get there. 1123 00:52:56,760 --> 00:52:58,520 Mm... M'wah! 1124 00:52:58,640 --> 00:53:00,080 Goodbye, sweetie. 1125 00:53:00,200 --> 00:53:02,680 Try to be a little more amiable when I get back. 1126 00:53:02,800 --> 00:53:04,520 Goodbye, Monica. (Kissing) Goodbye, Morris. 1127 00:53:04,680 --> 00:53:08,640 Oh... by the way, you might call up Joe. He's all alone. 1128 00:53:08,760 --> 00:53:12,480 I have. I'm taking him to the opening at the Haymarket tomorrow night. 1129 00:53:12,600 --> 00:53:13,920 Fine. Goodbye. 1130 00:53:14,040 --> 00:53:16,280 - Do you want me anymore? - Why, where are you going? 1131 00:53:16,880 --> 00:53:21,320 I'm going to write to Beryl Willard and ask her to come and live with you. 1132 00:53:21,480 --> 00:53:23,480 (Audience laughing) 1133 00:53:25,440 --> 00:53:27,720 (Applause) 1134 00:53:33,480 --> 00:53:37,040 So, you're taking Joe to the Haymarket tomorrow night, are you? 1135 00:53:37,160 --> 00:53:38,800 - Yes, why? - Why not? 1136 00:53:42,240 --> 00:53:43,560 Why not, indeed? 1137 00:53:45,880 --> 00:53:47,520 I think I shall come, too. 1138 00:53:47,680 --> 00:53:50,960 All right, that'll be grand. I've got a box, there's plenty of room. 1139 00:53:51,080 --> 00:53:53,000 Why have you been so mournful lately? 1140 00:53:53,480 --> 00:53:55,480 I haven't been in the least mournful. 1141 00:53:55,600 --> 00:53:57,400 Yes, you have. Liz has noticed it, and so have I. 1142 00:53:57,520 --> 00:53:59,880 Well, you're both quite wrong. I'm perfectly happy. 1143 00:54:00,000 --> 00:54:01,240 Oh, Morris. 1144 00:54:02,280 --> 00:54:04,120 - What? - You like Joe, don't you? 1145 00:54:04,240 --> 00:54:05,800 Of course I do, he's a sweetheart. 1146 00:54:05,960 --> 00:54:07,360 I wouldn't call him a sweetheart exactly, 1147 00:54:07,480 --> 00:54:09,800 but then I don't see very much of him. I gather you do. 1148 00:54:10,440 --> 00:54:11,400 What are you getting at? 1149 00:54:11,520 --> 00:54:13,640 - People are talking, Morris. - What about? 1150 00:54:13,720 --> 00:54:16,120 About you and Joe. Are you in love with him? 1151 00:54:16,720 --> 00:54:18,920 In love with Joe? Of course I'm not. 1152 00:54:19,080 --> 00:54:21,120 Are you preparing to be? 1153 00:54:21,240 --> 00:54:23,240 (Audience chuckling) 1154 00:54:23,320 --> 00:54:28,520 I can usually tell when you're about to embark on one of your emotional rampages. 1155 00:54:29,200 --> 00:54:32,160 Well, I like that, I must say. What about you? 1156 00:54:32,320 --> 00:54:33,760 Never mind about me for a moment. 1157 00:54:33,880 --> 00:54:36,080 Look at Tristan Fleming. Hmm? 1158 00:54:36,200 --> 00:54:38,800 You carried on like a maniac over him for weeks. 1159 00:54:38,880 --> 00:54:41,360 - All that sobbing and screaming. - That was years ago. 1160 00:54:41,480 --> 00:54:44,160 Never mind when it was. It was! 1161 00:54:44,280 --> 00:54:46,680 And if that wasn't emotional, I should like to know what is. 1162 00:54:46,760 --> 00:54:47,880 You wore us all to shreds! 1163 00:54:48,000 --> 00:54:51,480 I notice you've turned this conversation very adroitly into an attack on me. 1164 00:54:51,560 --> 00:54:53,000 - Now, listen, Garry... - Do you swear 1165 00:54:53,080 --> 00:54:55,080 that you haven't had an affair with Joe? 1166 00:54:55,200 --> 00:54:57,560 - I'm not gonna be cross-questioned like this. - Have you or haven't you? 1167 00:54:57,680 --> 00:54:58,680 Mind your own business! 1168 00:54:58,760 --> 00:55:01,640 My God, if this isn't my business, then nothing is. 1169 00:55:01,800 --> 00:55:05,000 If you're fooling about with Joe and Helen finds out, 1170 00:55:05,160 --> 00:55:06,720 do you understand what that means? 1171 00:55:06,840 --> 00:55:08,560 I refuse to go on with this conversation. 1172 00:55:08,640 --> 00:55:10,960 You can refuse until you're blue in the face, you're going to listen to me. 1173 00:55:11,040 --> 00:55:12,920 - No, I'm not. - So, it's true then, is it? 1174 00:55:13,040 --> 00:55:15,520 - Leave me alone. - Sit down! This really is serious. 1175 00:55:15,640 --> 00:55:18,680 I've no intention of submitting to one of your finger-wagging tirades. 1176 00:55:18,800 --> 00:55:19,800 I'm sick to death of them. 1177 00:55:19,880 --> 00:55:21,600 Well, years ago, Morris, very many years ago, 1178 00:55:21,720 --> 00:55:23,240 before you were so sick to death of them, 1179 00:55:23,400 --> 00:55:25,800 you may as well just admit that they helped you considerably. 1180 00:55:25,920 --> 00:55:27,320 Of course I admit it. So what? 1181 00:55:27,440 --> 00:55:30,320 We've never lied to each other about anything truly vital to us, have we? 1182 00:55:30,440 --> 00:55:32,160 - No. - And it would be really rather foolish, 1183 00:55:32,320 --> 00:55:35,160 after all these turbulent years, to start now, wouldn't it? 1184 00:55:36,000 --> 00:55:37,560 All right. 1185 00:55:37,640 --> 00:55:40,120 All right, but nobody has as far as I can see. 1186 00:55:40,240 --> 00:55:42,040 I'm not gonna ask you any more questions. 1187 00:55:42,920 --> 00:55:44,440 I'm not even going to shout at you... 1188 00:55:46,360 --> 00:55:48,000 - ...much. - (Audience chuckling) 1189 00:55:48,160 --> 00:55:50,960 But that all depends on whether or not you annoy me. 1190 00:55:51,080 --> 00:55:52,960 (Audience laughing) 1191 00:55:55,360 --> 00:55:59,040 I am, however, going to make you see one thing clearly, 1192 00:55:59,200 --> 00:56:00,680 and that one thing is this. 1193 00:56:00,840 --> 00:56:05,160 You and Helen and Monica and Liz and I 1194 00:56:05,280 --> 00:56:09,040 share something of inestimable importance, 1195 00:56:09,120 --> 00:56:12,000 and that something is mutual respect... 1196 00:56:14,000 --> 00:56:15,280 ...and trust. 1197 00:56:16,120 --> 00:56:18,120 God knows it's been hard won. 1198 00:56:18,240 --> 00:56:21,280 But now, now that we're all middle-aged... 1199 00:56:21,400 --> 00:56:23,240 (Audience laughing) 1200 00:56:25,320 --> 00:56:29,840 ...we can admit with a certain mellow tranquillity 1201 00:56:29,960 --> 00:56:31,360 that it's been worth it. 1202 00:56:31,480 --> 00:56:35,440 Here we are, five people closely woven together 1203 00:56:35,520 --> 00:56:38,680 through work and affection and... 1204 00:56:39,640 --> 00:56:41,560 ...intimate knowledge of one other. 1205 00:56:42,720 --> 00:56:45,880 It's too important a setup to risk breaking 1206 00:56:46,000 --> 00:56:49,320 for any outside emotional reason whatsoever. 1207 00:56:49,440 --> 00:56:51,360 Joe is alien to us. 1208 00:56:51,520 --> 00:56:53,840 He doesn't really belong to us, and he never could. 1209 00:56:53,960 --> 00:56:55,360 But don't for a minute think 1210 00:56:55,480 --> 00:56:57,600 that he isn't a potential danger, because he is! 1211 00:56:57,720 --> 00:56:59,320 He's exceedingly attractive, 1212 00:56:59,440 --> 00:57:02,360 and ruthless in the pursuit of anything he wants. 1213 00:57:02,480 --> 00:57:05,760 If he could succeed in wreaking havoc amongst all of us, 1214 00:57:05,920 --> 00:57:09,240 I'm quite sure he would leave no stone unturned. 1215 00:57:09,320 --> 00:57:11,920 So, all I implore you is this. 1216 00:57:13,840 --> 00:57:15,120 - Be careful! - Now, Garry... 1217 00:57:15,280 --> 00:57:16,720 You don't have to say anything. 1218 00:57:17,680 --> 00:57:19,000 Just... 1219 00:57:20,440 --> 00:57:21,800 ...be careful. 1220 00:57:23,800 --> 00:57:25,240 (Exhales) 1221 00:57:25,360 --> 00:57:26,520 Is that clear? 1222 00:57:27,240 --> 00:57:28,760 - Clear. - Good. 1223 00:57:28,880 --> 00:57:30,200 (Laughs) 1224 00:57:30,320 --> 00:57:31,560 I think I will have a little sherry. 1225 00:57:31,680 --> 00:57:33,120 Get me one. I need it. 1226 00:57:34,640 --> 00:57:36,160 (Exhales, Morris chuckles) 1227 00:57:39,160 --> 00:57:40,320 Oh, God, is that the time? 1228 00:57:40,440 --> 00:57:43,200 I forgot to telephone the restaurant and make a reservation. 1229 00:57:44,560 --> 00:57:46,720 There's no need, we can always eat at the bar. 1230 00:57:46,840 --> 00:57:48,160 It'll only take a minute. 1231 00:57:55,120 --> 00:57:56,720 Oh, hello, I'm sorry, 1232 00:57:56,840 --> 00:57:59,240 it's the wrong number! 1233 00:57:59,400 --> 00:58:03,000 (♪ THE BLUEBEATERS: "Toxic [One Drop Version]") 1234 00:58:03,080 --> 00:58:05,080 ♪ Baby, can't you see 1235 00:58:05,200 --> 00:58:06,920 ♪ I'm calling 1236 00:58:07,080 --> 00:58:10,560 ♪ A girl like you should wear a warning 1237 00:58:10,680 --> 00:58:12,400 ♪ It's dangerous 1238 00:58:12,480 --> 00:58:14,480 ♪ I'm falling 1239 00:58:16,800 --> 00:58:20,440 ♪ With a taste of your lips I'm on a ride 1240 00:58:20,560 --> 00:58:22,680 ♪ Got spinning 'round and 'round and 'round 1241 00:58:22,840 --> 00:58:24,280 ♪ Toxic, toxic 1242 00:58:24,400 --> 00:58:27,640 ♪ With a taste of a poison paradise 1243 00:58:27,760 --> 00:58:29,640 ♪ Got spinning 'round and 'round 1244 00:58:29,760 --> 00:58:31,320 ♪ 'Round and 'round and 'round 1245 00:58:31,400 --> 00:58:34,840 ♪ With a taste of your lips I'm on a ride 1246 00:58:34,960 --> 00:58:37,120 ♪ Got spinning 'round and 'round and 'round 1247 00:58:37,240 --> 00:58:38,680 ♪ Toxic, toxic 1248 00:58:38,800 --> 00:58:42,080 ♪ With a taste of a poison paradise 1249 00:58:42,240 --> 00:58:43,880 ♪ Got spinning 'round and 'round 1250 00:58:44,360 --> 00:58:46,080 ♪ 'Round and 'round and 'round 1251 00:58:46,240 --> 00:58:48,960 ♪ Ooh-hoo ♪ 1252 00:59:06,440 --> 00:59:08,840 I'm off now. You got everything you want? 1253 00:59:09,000 --> 00:59:10,920 You're very dressy, Fred. Where are you off to? 1254 00:59:11,040 --> 00:59:12,400 - Tagani's. - Where's that? 1255 00:59:12,480 --> 00:59:13,600 Tottenham Court Road. 1256 00:59:13,720 --> 00:59:15,560 Is it a night club, or a dance hall, or what? 1257 00:59:15,640 --> 00:59:17,960 Uh... Bit of all sorts, really. 1258 00:59:18,040 --> 00:59:20,160 - Doris works there. - What does she do? 1259 00:59:20,320 --> 00:59:22,080 She sings a couple of numbers, 1260 00:59:22,200 --> 00:59:24,760 and she does a dance with a skipping rope. 1261 00:59:24,880 --> 00:59:26,800 (Audience laughing) 1262 00:59:28,520 --> 00:59:31,160 - I see. - I think it's a bit wet if you ask me. 1263 00:59:31,280 --> 00:59:33,280 Still, it goes down all right. 1264 00:59:33,800 --> 00:59:34,840 Are you going to marry Doris? 1265 00:59:34,960 --> 00:59:37,080 Marry? No, thank you. 1266 00:59:38,120 --> 00:59:40,440 You really are dreadfully immoral, Fred. 1267 00:59:41,280 --> 00:59:42,440 That's right. 1268 00:59:42,520 --> 00:59:44,040 (Audience laughing) 1269 00:59:44,160 --> 00:59:47,520 (Chuckles) I know for a fact you've been taking advantage of Doris 1270 00:59:47,680 --> 00:59:49,040 for well over two years now. 1271 00:59:49,160 --> 00:59:50,400 Why not? 1272 00:59:50,520 --> 00:59:54,040 She likes it, I like it, good time's had by all. 1273 00:59:54,840 --> 00:59:56,240 Do you really mind about her at all? 1274 00:59:56,360 --> 00:59:58,480 I mean, do you ever think about her when she's not there? 1275 00:59:59,200 --> 01:00:00,400 Well, she always is there. 1276 01:00:01,640 --> 01:00:03,320 What's she gonna do when we go to Africa? 1277 01:00:03,440 --> 01:00:04,800 Oh, she'll manage. 1278 01:00:04,920 --> 01:00:07,360 She's got a couple of blokes running round after her now. 1279 01:00:07,480 --> 01:00:10,240 Quite posh, one of 'em is. He's in the silk business. 1280 01:00:10,360 --> 01:00:12,080 Oh, I see, she's... 1281 01:00:13,840 --> 01:00:14,960 ...communal. 1282 01:00:15,080 --> 01:00:16,120 (Audience laughing) 1283 01:00:17,200 --> 01:00:18,600 Mm... 1284 01:00:23,520 --> 01:00:25,800 Will you ring in the morning as usual, or do you want to be called? 1285 01:00:25,920 --> 01:00:27,480 I'll ring. Has Miss Erikson gone home? 1286 01:00:28,240 --> 01:00:31,120 Yes. She had a come over about six o'clock and 'opped it. 1287 01:00:31,200 --> 01:00:32,840 She's gone to her mate in Hammersmith. 1288 01:00:34,240 --> 01:00:38,400 She told me they turn off all the lights, play the gramophone, and talk to dead people. 1289 01:00:38,560 --> 01:00:41,280 (Chuckles) I suppose if it makes her happy, that's all right. 1290 01:00:42,160 --> 01:00:43,840 She's a good worker, 1291 01:00:43,960 --> 01:00:47,320 even if she's a bit scatty, but you can't have everything, can ya? 1292 01:00:48,880 --> 01:00:51,160 - Will that be all? - That's everything, Fred. Thanks. 1293 01:00:51,280 --> 01:00:52,800 - Enjoy yourself. - Same to you. 1294 01:00:53,960 --> 01:00:55,160 Be good. 1295 01:00:56,040 --> 01:00:57,880 (Phone rings) 1296 01:01:05,280 --> 01:01:07,080 (Imitating Fred) 'Ello? Who's that speaking? 1297 01:01:07,200 --> 01:01:08,640 (Audience laughing) 1298 01:01:08,800 --> 01:01:10,920 Nah... (Normal voice) Oh, hello, Liz. 1299 01:01:11,040 --> 01:01:12,880 (Laughing) 1300 01:01:12,960 --> 01:01:14,680 Yes, darling, I'm quite alone. 1301 01:01:14,800 --> 01:01:17,160 I've turned over a new leaf, hadn't you heard? 1302 01:01:17,960 --> 01:01:19,560 Yes, with both of them last night, 1303 01:01:19,680 --> 01:01:21,960 and I dined with them afterwards at the Savoy, 1304 01:01:22,080 --> 01:01:24,560 and Morris and I dropped Joe home. 1305 01:01:25,240 --> 01:01:28,000 No, I didn't go on about it anymore, I thought it wiser not. 1306 01:01:28,880 --> 01:01:30,360 You sound a little sceptical. 1307 01:01:31,000 --> 01:01:32,520 No, as a matter of fact, he was rather charming. 1308 01:01:32,640 --> 01:01:34,080 He's quite intelligent, you know, 1309 01:01:34,200 --> 01:01:37,920 and I must say he is a permanent pleasure on the eye. 1310 01:01:38,520 --> 01:01:39,720 (Chuckling) 1311 01:01:39,840 --> 01:01:43,800 All right? Yes, darling, I'm going straight to bed now. 1312 01:01:43,880 --> 01:01:45,560 Good ni... 1313 01:01:46,840 --> 01:01:48,120 Good night. 1314 01:01:56,800 --> 01:01:58,160 Uh... 1315 01:02:04,440 --> 01:02:06,040 (Doorbell buzzing) 1316 01:02:06,880 --> 01:02:08,800 (Audience laughing) 1317 01:02:11,440 --> 01:02:12,400 (Door slams shut) 1318 01:02:12,560 --> 01:02:14,080 (Doorbell buzzing) 1319 01:02:26,800 --> 01:02:29,480 I can't tell you how relieved I am that you're in. 1320 01:02:29,640 --> 01:02:33,000 - I've done the most idiotic thing. - Why, what's happened? 1321 01:02:33,120 --> 01:02:35,400 I've forgotten my latchkey. 1322 01:02:35,520 --> 01:02:37,440 (Audience laughing) 1323 01:02:41,080 --> 01:02:42,040 Oh, Joe. 1324 01:02:42,160 --> 01:02:44,720 It's no good looking at me like that. 1325 01:02:44,840 --> 01:02:47,160 I'm not in the least inefficient as a rule. 1326 01:02:47,240 --> 01:02:50,040 This is the first time I've ever done such a thing in my life. 1327 01:02:50,120 --> 01:02:51,320 I'm in an absolute fury. 1328 01:02:51,440 --> 01:02:53,760 I had to dress in the most awful rush to dine with Freda 1329 01:02:53,880 --> 01:02:55,680 and go to the Toscanini concert, 1330 01:02:55,840 --> 01:02:57,280 and I left it in my other jacket. 1331 01:03:01,440 --> 01:03:03,080 Would you like a drink? 1332 01:03:03,160 --> 01:03:05,640 Very much indeed. I'm exhausted. 1333 01:03:05,760 --> 01:03:08,240 We must decide what's best to be done. 1334 01:03:08,360 --> 01:03:10,480 I went to a phone box, and I rang up Liz, 1335 01:03:10,560 --> 01:03:13,240 but she must be out, because there wasn't any reply. 1336 01:03:13,360 --> 01:03:15,360 You rang up Liz, and there wasn't any reply? 1337 01:03:15,520 --> 01:03:16,800 Yes. 1338 01:03:16,960 --> 01:03:19,840 - And as I hadn't any more change... - (Audience laughing) 1339 01:03:19,960 --> 01:03:22,480 ...and the taxi man hadn't either, I came straight here. 1340 01:03:22,560 --> 01:03:23,800 I see. 1341 01:03:26,560 --> 01:03:27,920 Here you are. 1342 01:03:30,440 --> 01:03:31,880 - Thank you. - Cigarette? 1343 01:03:33,040 --> 01:03:34,240 Thank you. 1344 01:03:45,200 --> 01:03:47,320 You're looking very whimsical. Don't you believe me? 1345 01:03:47,440 --> 01:03:48,800 Of course I believe you, Joe... 1346 01:03:49,840 --> 01:03:51,640 (Audience laughing) 1347 01:03:52,600 --> 01:03:53,960 Why on earth shouldn't I believe you? 1348 01:03:54,120 --> 01:03:56,040 Oh, I don't know. 1349 01:03:56,160 --> 01:03:59,160 You always look at me as though you didn't trust me an inch. 1350 01:03:59,240 --> 01:04:01,840 It's a shame because I'm so nice, really. 1351 01:04:03,040 --> 01:04:04,520 I'm sure you are. 1352 01:04:05,480 --> 01:04:07,320 You've never liked me, really, have you? 1353 01:04:07,400 --> 01:04:09,600 - No, not particularly. - (Audience laughing) 1354 01:04:09,720 --> 01:04:10,680 I wonder why. 1355 01:04:10,760 --> 01:04:12,480 I always had a feeling that you were rather tiresome. 1356 01:04:12,640 --> 01:04:13,720 In what way, "tiresome"? 1357 01:04:13,840 --> 01:04:15,560 I don't know. There's a certain arrogance about you, 1358 01:04:15,720 --> 01:04:17,280 a little too much self-assurance. 1359 01:04:17,400 --> 01:04:19,480 You don't care for competition, I see. 1360 01:04:19,600 --> 01:04:21,760 You're very good-looking, of course. I've always thought that. 1361 01:04:21,880 --> 01:04:23,960 - Thank you. - If perhaps a little too aware of it. 1362 01:04:24,080 --> 01:04:25,240 Mm. 1363 01:04:26,120 --> 01:04:28,760 Now, you are being conventionally odious, 1364 01:04:28,880 --> 01:04:30,720 but somehow it doesn't quite ring true. 1365 01:04:30,840 --> 01:04:33,560 But then you never do quite ring true, do you? 1366 01:04:33,680 --> 01:04:36,000 I expect it's because you're an actor. 1367 01:04:36,120 --> 01:04:38,320 They're always apt to be a bit papier mâché. 1368 01:04:38,400 --> 01:04:40,040 Oh, just puppets, Joe darling, 1369 01:04:40,200 --> 01:04:43,160 creatures of tinsel and sawdust, how clever of you to have noticed it. 1370 01:04:43,280 --> 01:04:46,360 I wish you'd stop being suave, just for one minute. 1371 01:04:46,480 --> 01:04:48,880 What would you like me to do, fly into a tantrum? Burst into tears? 1372 01:04:49,040 --> 01:04:50,880 I think I should like you to be kind. 1373 01:04:52,320 --> 01:04:54,040 - Kind? - Yes. 1374 01:04:54,160 --> 01:04:55,960 At least kind enough to make an effort 1375 01:04:56,080 --> 01:04:59,040 to overcome your perfectly obvious prejudice against me. 1376 01:04:59,200 --> 01:05:00,160 I'm sorry it's so obvious. 1377 01:05:00,280 --> 01:05:02,320 Well, I am not quite an idiot. 1378 01:05:02,400 --> 01:05:04,800 Although I must say you always treat me as if I were. 1379 01:05:06,160 --> 01:05:09,120 I know you resented me marrying Helen, you all did, 1380 01:05:09,240 --> 01:05:12,880 and I entirely see why you should have, anyhow at first. 1381 01:05:12,960 --> 01:05:15,560 But after all, that was five years ago, 1382 01:05:15,720 --> 01:05:19,000 and during that time, I have done my best not to obtrude myself, 1383 01:05:19,120 --> 01:05:21,760 not to encroach on any special preserves. 1384 01:05:21,880 --> 01:05:25,040 And my reward, it's been rather meagre, from you particularly. 1385 01:05:25,160 --> 01:05:29,200 Nothing but artificial politeness and slightly frigid tolerance. 1386 01:05:29,280 --> 01:05:30,400 Oh, poor Joe. 1387 01:05:31,680 --> 01:05:35,240 I see my appeal has fallen on stony ground. I am so sorry. 1388 01:05:35,320 --> 01:05:36,920 What is all this? What are you up to? 1389 01:05:37,040 --> 01:05:39,000 - I'm not up to anything. - Then sit down again. 1390 01:05:39,080 --> 01:05:40,680 I'd like you to call me a taxi. 1391 01:05:40,800 --> 01:05:43,000 Nonsense! There's nothing you'd hate more. 1392 01:05:43,120 --> 01:05:44,440 You came here for a purpose. 1393 01:05:44,560 --> 01:05:46,440 Of course I did. I lost my key. 1394 01:05:46,560 --> 01:05:48,680 - I knew you had a spare room, and... - Yes? 1395 01:05:50,280 --> 01:05:52,120 I wanted to get to know you a little better. 1396 01:05:55,680 --> 01:05:57,560 - I see. - No, you don't. 1397 01:05:58,480 --> 01:06:00,440 I know exactly what you think. 1398 01:06:01,160 --> 01:06:03,240 Of course, I can't altogether blame you. 1399 01:06:03,920 --> 01:06:06,920 In your position as one of the world's most famous romantic comedians, 1400 01:06:07,000 --> 01:06:09,120 it's only natural that you should imagine 1401 01:06:09,240 --> 01:06:12,480 that every person is anxious to hurl themselves at your head. 1402 01:06:12,600 --> 01:06:15,640 I'm sure, for instance, you don't believe for a moment that I lost my latchkey. 1403 01:06:15,760 --> 01:06:17,920 You're good. My God, you're good. 1404 01:06:18,040 --> 01:06:19,480 (Audience chuckling) 1405 01:06:19,600 --> 01:06:22,240 What is the number of the taxi rank? I will ring up myself. 1406 01:06:22,360 --> 01:06:24,680 Sloane 2-6-6-4. 1407 01:06:31,360 --> 01:06:33,120 Hello, Sloane 2-6-6-4. 1408 01:06:34,240 --> 01:06:35,800 I'm so sorry, it's the wrong number. 1409 01:06:35,920 --> 01:06:37,920 (Audience chuckling) 1410 01:06:38,080 --> 01:06:40,600 (Laughing) 1411 01:06:40,720 --> 01:06:42,840 - What you are laughing at? - You, Joe. 1412 01:06:42,920 --> 01:06:45,200 You're enjoying yourself enormously, aren't you? 1413 01:06:45,320 --> 01:06:47,240 - All right, you win. - Don't be so infuriating. 1414 01:06:47,400 --> 01:06:48,560 - Have another drink? - No, thank you. 1415 01:06:48,680 --> 01:06:50,120 - A cigarette? Please, I'm sorry. - No. 1416 01:06:50,200 --> 01:06:52,320 - I wish you were really sorry. - Maybe I am. 1417 01:07:00,880 --> 01:07:02,480 (Audience chuckling) 1418 01:07:02,600 --> 01:07:03,840 Oh, dear. 1419 01:07:07,680 --> 01:07:09,400 (Audience chuckling) 1420 01:07:15,280 --> 01:07:17,280 Conversation seems to have come to a standstill. 1421 01:07:17,440 --> 01:07:19,000 (Audience laughing) 1422 01:07:23,040 --> 01:07:25,720 I think, perhaps, I would like another drink after all. 1423 01:07:26,960 --> 01:07:28,280 A very small one. 1424 01:07:47,040 --> 01:07:49,920 You make me feel extraordinarily self-conscious. 1425 01:07:51,160 --> 01:07:54,840 Of course, that's one of your most renowned gifts, isn't it? Frightening people. 1426 01:07:55,360 --> 01:07:58,840 You're not gonna pretend that I frighten you, are you? 1427 01:07:58,960 --> 01:08:01,160 It's personality, I expect, 1428 01:08:01,320 --> 01:08:04,520 plus a reputation for being, well, rather ruthless. 1429 01:08:04,680 --> 01:08:07,480 - Amorously or socially? - Both. 1430 01:08:07,600 --> 01:08:08,640 (Chuckling) 1431 01:08:08,800 --> 01:08:11,040 - How are we doing? - Better, I think. 1432 01:08:21,960 --> 01:08:24,440 You look strangely young every now and then. 1433 01:08:24,560 --> 01:08:26,600 (Audience laughing) 1434 01:08:32,160 --> 01:08:34,520 It would be nice to know what you were really like 1435 01:08:34,640 --> 01:08:36,400 under all the trappings. 1436 01:08:37,080 --> 01:08:38,880 Just a lost boy... 1437 01:08:41,000 --> 01:08:42,600 ...stinking with idealism. 1438 01:08:42,720 --> 01:08:45,680 Are you happy on the whole? 1439 01:08:46,560 --> 01:08:47,960 Ecstatically. 1440 01:08:48,080 --> 01:08:51,040 Why, you never get tired of fixing people's lives, 1441 01:08:51,160 --> 01:08:54,040 of being the boss, of everybody adoring you and obeying you? 1442 01:08:54,160 --> 01:08:56,040 Never. I revel in it. 1443 01:08:57,480 --> 01:08:58,720 I'm not so sure. 1444 01:09:08,920 --> 01:09:10,360 What should we do now? 1445 01:09:11,320 --> 01:09:13,720 Do? Is there any necessity to do anything? 1446 01:09:13,840 --> 01:09:17,960 I don't know, my social sense tells me that something is required. 1447 01:09:21,120 --> 01:09:22,560 Not quite sure what it is. 1448 01:09:25,800 --> 01:09:26,800 What do you want? 1449 01:09:28,520 --> 01:09:30,920 I want you to be what I believe you really are. 1450 01:09:31,880 --> 01:09:35,240 Friendly and genuine, someone to be trusted. 1451 01:09:35,320 --> 01:09:39,520 I want you to do me the honour of stopping your eternal performance for a little, 1452 01:09:39,640 --> 01:09:42,720 ring down the curtain, take off your make-up and relax. 1453 01:09:43,280 --> 01:09:44,920 Everyone keeps telling me to relax. 1454 01:09:45,040 --> 01:09:47,840 Why are you so afraid of being vulnerable? 1455 01:09:59,440 --> 01:10:02,320 - I was right about you from the start. - Oh, were you? 1456 01:10:02,480 --> 01:10:05,680 - You're as predatory as hell! - Garry! 1457 01:10:05,760 --> 01:10:08,720 You got poor Helen when she was convalescent, 1458 01:10:08,840 --> 01:10:10,680 you made a dead set at Morris, 1459 01:10:10,760 --> 01:10:12,680 and now, by God, you're after me! 1460 01:10:12,840 --> 01:10:14,840 Don't deny it, I can see it in your eyes. 1461 01:10:14,960 --> 01:10:19,400 You suddenly appear out of the night reeking with the lust of conquest, 1462 01:10:19,480 --> 01:10:23,200 the whole atmosphere is quivering with it! 1463 01:10:23,320 --> 01:10:25,840 You want to know what I'm really like, do you, under all the glittering veneer? 1464 01:10:25,920 --> 01:10:28,440 Well, this is it. This is what I'm like. Fundamentally honest! 1465 01:10:28,520 --> 01:10:30,880 I know you, Joe. I know what you're after. 1466 01:10:31,000 --> 01:10:34,840 I can see through every trick. So, just go away and leave me alone! 1467 01:10:34,960 --> 01:10:37,360 - And curtain! - Dammit, there isn't any more ice! 1468 01:10:37,520 --> 01:10:40,120 - Well, take it neat, darling. - How dare you call me "darling"? 1469 01:10:40,240 --> 01:10:42,440 Because I think you are a darling. I always have. 1470 01:10:42,600 --> 01:10:44,080 Will you please leave this house immediately? 1471 01:10:44,160 --> 01:10:45,720 You are really the reason I married Helen. 1472 01:10:45,800 --> 01:10:47,680 Are there no depths to which you won't descend? 1473 01:10:47,800 --> 01:10:50,200 No, absolutely none. I am in love with you. 1474 01:10:50,320 --> 01:10:52,560 I've been in love with you for over seven years now. 1475 01:10:52,720 --> 01:10:54,320 It's high time something was done about it. 1476 01:10:54,440 --> 01:10:56,720 - Now listen to me, Joe... - No, you better listen to me first. 1477 01:10:56,840 --> 01:10:57,800 I shall do no such thing. 1478 01:10:57,960 --> 01:11:00,000 You must, it's terribly important to all of us. Sit down. 1479 01:11:00,160 --> 01:11:01,440 I'd rather walk around if you don't mind. 1480 01:11:01,600 --> 01:11:03,440 Sit down, Garry, please sit down. 1481 01:11:03,560 --> 01:11:06,200 I have to explain, and I can't if you're whirling about all the time. 1482 01:11:20,560 --> 01:11:21,720 This is dreadful! 1483 01:11:21,800 --> 01:11:23,240 (Audience chuckling) 1484 01:11:28,480 --> 01:11:30,040 First of all, I want you to promise me 1485 01:11:30,160 --> 01:11:33,400 to answer one question absolutely truthfully, will you? 1486 01:11:33,520 --> 01:11:34,680 - What is it? - Will you promise? 1487 01:11:34,840 --> 01:11:36,400 Yes, all right, go on. 1488 01:11:41,080 --> 01:11:43,760 If you had never seen me in your life before, 1489 01:11:43,880 --> 01:11:45,520 if we had met for the first time tonight, 1490 01:11:45,600 --> 01:11:48,400 if I were in no way concerned with anyone you know... 1491 01:11:50,040 --> 01:11:51,640 ...would we have made love? 1492 01:11:51,760 --> 01:11:52,880 Would you have wanted me? 1493 01:11:55,480 --> 01:11:57,280 - Yes. - Well, that's that. Now then... 1494 01:11:57,400 --> 01:11:58,760 No, sit down! 1495 01:12:03,000 --> 01:12:06,240 Now, when I said just now that you were really the reason I married Helen, 1496 01:12:06,360 --> 01:12:08,040 that was only partly true. 1497 01:12:08,640 --> 01:12:11,160 I'm devoted to Helen. 1498 01:12:11,240 --> 01:12:14,480 I'm much fonder of her, really, than she is of me. 1499 01:12:14,600 --> 01:12:18,040 She was madly in love with me for the first two years, but she isn't now. 1500 01:12:18,160 --> 01:12:20,800 She's been likely unfaithful to me eleven times, 1501 01:12:20,920 --> 01:12:23,120 to my certain knowledge, during the last three years. 1502 01:12:23,240 --> 01:12:26,680 She's probably having a high old time in Brussels at this very moment. 1503 01:12:26,800 --> 01:12:28,840 - You are lying, Joe. - No, I'm not lying. 1504 01:12:30,320 --> 01:12:31,960 I don't mind enough to lie. 1505 01:12:33,320 --> 01:12:37,080 Helen is a darling, and I wouldn't leave her for anything in the world. 1506 01:12:37,920 --> 01:12:40,400 (Exhales) We get on perfectly. 1507 01:12:40,520 --> 01:12:42,720 Better now, really, than we did before. 1508 01:12:44,520 --> 01:12:47,800 But you're the one I'm in love with... and always have been. 1509 01:12:47,920 --> 01:12:50,200 - What about Morris? - Morris? 1510 01:12:50,320 --> 01:12:52,200 - Is there anything between you? - Well, of course there isn't. 1511 01:12:52,320 --> 01:12:55,120 - Do you swear that? - There's no need for me to swear it. 1512 01:12:56,560 --> 01:12:58,720 You can see, can't you? 1513 01:13:00,400 --> 01:13:03,080 And even if you can't see, you must at least be able to feel 1514 01:13:03,240 --> 01:13:05,080 that what I'm saying is the truth. 1515 01:13:06,840 --> 01:13:08,920 I don't want to live with you, God forbid! 1516 01:13:09,040 --> 01:13:10,840 You'd drive me mad in a week. 1517 01:13:12,600 --> 01:13:14,480 But you are, to me, the most... 1518 01:13:15,640 --> 01:13:19,360 ...charming, infuriating, and passionately attractive man 1519 01:13:19,480 --> 01:13:22,000 I've ever known in my life. 1520 01:13:26,200 --> 01:13:31,000 It's the most foolish thing in the world to store up regrets. 1521 01:13:33,400 --> 01:13:36,440 Who could you and I possibly harm by loving each other for a while? 1522 01:13:43,680 --> 01:13:45,120 Please, may I get up now? 1523 01:13:45,280 --> 01:13:47,040 (Audience laughing) 1524 01:13:49,840 --> 01:13:50,840 Yes. 1525 01:13:55,280 --> 01:13:57,120 How was the Toscanini concert? 1526 01:13:58,840 --> 01:14:03,240 Uh, it was glorious. He played the Eighth and the Seventh. 1527 01:14:04,240 --> 01:14:06,440 Personally, I prefer the Fifth. 1528 01:14:09,760 --> 01:14:13,080 I like the Ninth best of all. 1529 01:14:18,400 --> 01:14:20,520 There's nothing like the dear old Ninth. 1530 01:14:22,200 --> 01:14:25,520 I love the Queen's Hall, don't you? 1531 01:14:25,640 --> 01:14:27,640 It's so uncompromising. 1532 01:14:44,240 --> 01:14:46,360 I love the Albert Hall much more. 1533 01:14:47,800 --> 01:14:49,440 I wonder why. 1534 01:14:50,280 --> 01:14:51,640 I always find it depressing. 1535 01:15:01,720 --> 01:15:03,640 Not when they do Hiawatha, surely? 1536 01:15:03,760 --> 01:15:05,520 (Audience chuckling) 1537 01:15:11,720 --> 01:15:12,880 Even then. 1538 01:15:15,520 --> 01:15:17,400 I won't hear a word... 1539 01:15:20,240 --> 01:15:22,200 ...against the Albert Hall. 1540 01:15:22,280 --> 01:15:24,280 (Audience laughing) 1541 01:15:24,400 --> 01:15:29,720 - (♪ THE PLATTERS: "Only You") - ♪ Only you 1542 01:15:29,840 --> 01:15:35,200 - ♪ Can make, oh, this world seem right - (Applause) 1543 01:15:36,680 --> 01:15:41,880 ♪ Only you 1544 01:16:01,520 --> 01:16:06,600 (♪ THE SHIRELLES: "Will You Love Me Tomorrow") 1545 01:16:10,240 --> 01:16:15,360 ♪ So, tell me now 1546 01:16:15,600 --> 01:16:21,080 ♪ Cos I won't ask again 1547 01:16:21,360 --> 01:16:31,360 ♪ Will you still love me tomorrow? 1548 01:16:31,560 --> 01:16:38,360 ♪ Will you still love me tomorrow? ♪ 1549 01:16:40,480 --> 01:16:42,560 (Audience laughing) 1550 01:16:50,840 --> 01:16:51,960 Oh, good morning. 1551 01:16:52,080 --> 01:16:53,600 Good morning. 1552 01:16:53,720 --> 01:16:56,560 Is Mr Essendine awake yet? 1553 01:16:57,440 --> 01:16:59,080 He has not rung. 1554 01:16:59,200 --> 01:17:02,960 I wonder if you would be very kind and tell him that I am awake. 1555 01:17:03,040 --> 01:17:06,000 Alas, no. 1556 01:17:07,440 --> 01:17:09,760 He would be crazy with anger. 1557 01:17:09,920 --> 01:17:12,720 Oh, would he, indeed! I shall be crazy with anger myself, 1558 01:17:12,840 --> 01:17:14,360 unless I have some breakfast. 1559 01:17:14,520 --> 01:17:16,480 - Ah, good morning. - Good morning. 1560 01:17:16,560 --> 01:17:19,240 - Oh, dear! - (Audience laughing) 1561 01:17:19,360 --> 01:17:20,600 (Joe) I beg your pardon? 1562 01:17:20,760 --> 01:17:22,400 - You're Mr Lyppiatt, aren't you? - (Joe) Yes. 1563 01:17:23,080 --> 01:17:24,880 - You're Helen's husband. - Yes, I am. 1564 01:17:26,920 --> 01:17:28,440 (Audience laughing) 1565 01:17:31,720 --> 01:17:34,880 That, I gather, was Mr Essendine's valet. 1566 01:17:35,000 --> 01:17:36,600 Does he always behave like that? 1567 01:17:37,120 --> 01:17:39,920 He was a steward on a very large ship. 1568 01:17:40,000 --> 01:17:42,640 Most of the ship's stewards I've met have good manners. 1569 01:17:43,160 --> 01:17:45,000 He is the only one I know. 1570 01:17:45,960 --> 01:17:48,240 I would like some china tea, 1571 01:17:48,360 --> 01:17:52,640 some thin toast without butter, and a soft-boiled egg, please. 1572 01:17:52,760 --> 01:17:55,280 We have no tea and no eggs either, 1573 01:17:55,360 --> 01:17:57,560 but I will make the toast with pleasure. 1574 01:17:57,720 --> 01:17:59,200 Well, is there any coffee? 1575 01:17:59,360 --> 01:18:00,920 Yes, we have coffee. 1576 01:18:01,080 --> 01:18:03,280 Well, please bring me some, as quickly as you can. 1577 01:18:03,400 --> 01:18:05,120 I will tell Fred. 1578 01:18:06,880 --> 01:18:09,000 Ah, good morning, Monica. 1579 01:18:10,040 --> 01:18:11,000 Joe! 1580 01:18:11,160 --> 01:18:12,440 Thank heaven you've come. 1581 01:18:12,600 --> 01:18:15,320 I've had such a complicated chat with the housekeeper. 1582 01:18:15,480 --> 01:18:16,680 Did you stay the night here? 1583 01:18:16,760 --> 01:18:19,440 Yes, wasn't it sweet of Garry to let me? 1584 01:18:19,560 --> 01:18:21,760 I did the most idiotic thing. 1585 01:18:21,920 --> 01:18:23,440 (Audience laughing) 1586 01:18:24,240 --> 01:18:25,800 I forgot my latchkey. 1587 01:18:26,840 --> 01:18:28,760 You forgot your latchkey? 1588 01:18:28,880 --> 01:18:33,520 Yeah, I was in absolute despair, and then I suddenly thought of Garry. 1589 01:18:33,640 --> 01:18:35,640 You suddenly thought of Garry? 1590 01:18:35,760 --> 01:18:38,080 Why do you keep repeating everything I say? 1591 01:18:38,160 --> 01:18:41,360 I don't know, it seems easier than saying anything else. 1592 01:18:41,440 --> 01:18:43,080 (Audience laughing) 1593 01:18:44,480 --> 01:18:49,480 Why, Monica, you actually look as though you disapproved of me staying the night here! 1594 01:18:49,600 --> 01:18:52,760 I think it was tactless, to say the very least of it. 1595 01:18:52,880 --> 01:18:54,480 In heaven's name, why? 1596 01:18:54,600 --> 01:18:57,360 It was a perfectly natural thing to do in the circumstances. 1597 01:18:57,480 --> 01:18:58,920 When is Helen coming home? 1598 01:18:59,000 --> 01:19:00,920 Tomorrow morning by the 11 o'clock plane. 1599 01:19:01,040 --> 01:19:03,120 Is there anything else you would like to know? 1600 01:19:03,240 --> 01:19:06,080 No, I don't think I want to know anything else at all. 1601 01:19:06,880 --> 01:19:10,920 I must say, Monica, I really do resent your manner a little bit. 1602 01:19:11,000 --> 01:19:13,560 Anyone would think that I had done something awful. 1603 01:19:13,680 --> 01:19:16,080 Obviously, you're a better judge of that than I. 1604 01:19:17,040 --> 01:19:20,080 It's quite astounding to think that someone as close to Garry 1605 01:19:20,200 --> 01:19:23,400 as you have been for so many years, should have a prurient mind. 1606 01:19:23,480 --> 01:19:27,280 Oh! You must be shocked to the very marrow. 1607 01:19:27,400 --> 01:19:30,760 I really don't feel equal to continuing this rather strained conversation 1608 01:19:30,880 --> 01:19:32,400 before I've had some coffee. 1609 01:19:32,520 --> 01:19:34,920 Perhaps you would be kind enough to hurry it up for me. 1610 01:19:36,080 --> 01:19:38,520 - I always knew it. - Always knew what? 1611 01:19:38,640 --> 01:19:39,960 That you'd cause trouble. 1612 01:19:40,080 --> 01:19:41,360 (Doorbell buzzing) 1613 01:19:41,440 --> 01:19:44,240 There's someone at the door. You'd better go into the spare room. 1614 01:19:44,320 --> 01:19:46,040 No, I'm quite happy here, thank you. 1615 01:19:46,160 --> 01:19:47,640 - As you please. - Good morning! 1616 01:19:48,840 --> 01:19:50,200 (Audience chuckling) 1617 01:19:50,360 --> 01:19:51,920 - Joe! - Liz! 1618 01:19:52,000 --> 01:19:53,040 This is a surprise. 1619 01:19:53,520 --> 01:19:56,040 I tried to get you for hours last night. 1620 01:19:56,120 --> 01:19:59,960 I lost my key, and I was in the most awful state, but you weren't in. 1621 01:20:00,120 --> 01:20:02,360 I was in from 10 o'clock onwards. 1622 01:20:02,520 --> 01:20:04,400 You must have been ringing the wrong number. 1623 01:20:04,480 --> 01:20:06,480 I rang the number you gave me. 1624 01:20:06,600 --> 01:20:07,840 Then I must have given you 1625 01:20:08,000 --> 01:20:09,280 - the wrong number. - Ah! 1626 01:20:09,440 --> 01:20:11,160 If you want me, Liz, I shall be in the office. 1627 01:20:11,280 --> 01:20:13,600 I do want you, Monica, so don't budge. 1628 01:20:13,680 --> 01:20:15,400 - Ah, breakfast. - Where will you 'ave it? 1629 01:20:15,520 --> 01:20:16,960 Here, please. 1630 01:20:17,120 --> 01:20:18,080 Oh, good morning, Miss. 1631 01:20:18,200 --> 01:20:19,520 Good morning, Fred. 1632 01:20:19,640 --> 01:20:21,680 I think it would be more comfortable for Mr Lyppiatt 1633 01:20:21,760 --> 01:20:23,400 to have his coffee in the spare room. 1634 01:20:23,480 --> 01:20:26,000 I would rather have it here, if you don't mind. 1635 01:20:26,080 --> 01:20:27,600 I like to see what's going on. 1636 01:20:27,720 --> 01:20:29,200 Put it down there for the moment, Fred. 1637 01:20:29,320 --> 01:20:33,200 We will decide later where Mr Lyppiatt is going to have his coffee. 1638 01:20:33,280 --> 01:20:35,680 Ah... I have already decided, Liz, 1639 01:20:35,760 --> 01:20:38,160 but it is sweet of you to take so much trouble. 1640 01:20:38,280 --> 01:20:39,480 That will be all, thank you, Fred. 1641 01:20:39,600 --> 01:20:41,680 Rightyo, Miss. You just give us a shout if you need anything else. 1642 01:20:41,800 --> 01:20:43,280 Thanks, I will. 1643 01:20:45,200 --> 01:20:47,680 I understand he used to be a steward on a liner. 1644 01:20:47,760 --> 01:20:50,080 I suppose Garry hasn't been called yet, has he? 1645 01:20:50,160 --> 01:20:52,880 - I don't know. Shall I go and wake him now? - No, not yet. 1646 01:20:52,960 --> 01:20:55,160 No, he ought to be awakened at once, Liz. 1647 01:20:55,280 --> 01:20:59,160 Well, it's disgraceful, lying in bed on a lovely morning like this. 1648 01:20:59,280 --> 01:21:00,440 It's so unhealthy. 1649 01:21:00,560 --> 01:21:03,320 He will be getting fat and flabby if he's not careful. 1650 01:21:03,800 --> 01:21:05,680 I wish to God he would! 1651 01:21:05,800 --> 01:21:07,840 (Audience laughing) 1652 01:21:09,840 --> 01:21:12,880 I wonder what she put in this coffee, apart from the coffee, I mean. 1653 01:21:13,000 --> 01:21:15,200 Weed killer if she had any sense. 1654 01:21:15,320 --> 01:21:19,360 - (Audience chuckling) - Monica, you are being remarkably offensive. 1655 01:21:19,520 --> 01:21:21,960 One always hears that the secretaries of famous men 1656 01:21:22,040 --> 01:21:24,720 are rather frustrated and dragon-like. 1657 01:21:24,840 --> 01:21:27,520 It's funny that you should turn out to be so true to type. 1658 01:21:28,200 --> 01:21:31,560 I think after all, perhaps you had better go into the office, Monica. 1659 01:21:31,640 --> 01:21:33,920 This situation's becoming rather tense. 1660 01:21:34,040 --> 01:21:36,360 For no reason at all, as far as I can see, 1661 01:21:36,440 --> 01:21:39,600 unless you both have the most suspicious minds. 1662 01:21:39,720 --> 01:21:42,400 - All right, Liz. - I'll come in in a minute. 1663 01:21:44,120 --> 01:21:45,680 Oh, poor thing! 1664 01:21:45,760 --> 01:21:48,720 She's aged so terribly since I last saw her. 1665 01:21:49,560 --> 01:21:51,880 I suppose she's crazy about Garry like all of us? 1666 01:21:52,000 --> 01:21:53,160 All of us, Joe? 1667 01:21:53,240 --> 01:21:56,240 Well, I must say he is enchanting. 1668 01:21:56,760 --> 01:21:58,400 We had the most lovely talk last night. 1669 01:21:58,520 --> 01:22:01,320 I think it would be better if neither Helen nor Morris 1670 01:22:01,400 --> 01:22:03,120 knew you stayed the night here, Joe. 1671 01:22:03,240 --> 01:22:05,200 Good heavens, why? Helen wouldn't mind a bit. 1672 01:22:05,360 --> 01:22:08,880 I wouldn't be too sure if I were you. Anyhow, Morris would. 1673 01:22:09,000 --> 01:22:10,640 Morris? What's it got to do with Morris? 1674 01:22:10,800 --> 01:22:13,800 Now listen, we haven't much time to waste fencing with each other. 1675 01:22:13,880 --> 01:22:17,840 I know perfectly well that you've been unfaithful to Helen with Morris, 1676 01:22:17,920 --> 01:22:20,040 so you needn't trouble to deny it any further. 1677 01:22:20,120 --> 01:22:21,720 No, it's the most abominable lie. 1678 01:22:21,840 --> 01:22:26,640 Unfortunately, I dined quietly with Morris last night, upstairs at the Ivy. 1679 01:22:26,760 --> 01:22:29,600 He was very upset and became rather hysterical, 1680 01:22:29,720 --> 01:22:32,280 as you know he sometimes does, 1681 01:22:32,400 --> 01:22:34,520 and he told me everything. 1682 01:22:35,960 --> 01:22:38,440 So, he told you everything, did he? 1683 01:22:38,560 --> 01:22:40,560 It's quite natural that he should. 1684 01:22:40,680 --> 01:22:44,400 We're very old friends, you know. All of us! 1685 01:22:44,520 --> 01:22:48,080 A charming constellation of gossipy little planets, 1686 01:22:48,160 --> 01:22:50,640 all circling round the great, glorious sun. 1687 01:22:50,760 --> 01:22:52,560 - I was coming to that. - What do you mean? 1688 01:22:52,680 --> 01:22:54,680 Well, I don't wish to know anything about what happened last night, 1689 01:22:54,840 --> 01:22:57,080 but I'll tell you one thing. 1690 01:22:57,200 --> 01:22:59,480 The great, glorious sun 1691 01:22:59,640 --> 01:23:03,320 is not going to get tangled up in this, if I can stop it. And I can. 1692 01:23:03,440 --> 01:23:05,040 I should be interested to know how? 1693 01:23:06,000 --> 01:23:07,840 I don't think Garry would like to know 1694 01:23:07,920 --> 01:23:12,240 that you'd been Morris's lover as well as Helen's husband. 1695 01:23:12,360 --> 01:23:13,760 I don't think Morris would like to know 1696 01:23:13,880 --> 01:23:16,480 that you'd been Garry's lover, which I suspect you have. 1697 01:23:16,640 --> 01:23:18,480 - What are you talking about? - And I don't think Helen would like to know 1698 01:23:18,600 --> 01:23:20,080 anything about any of it. 1699 01:23:20,240 --> 01:23:21,760 Are you trying to blackmail me? 1700 01:23:22,520 --> 01:23:23,560 Uh, yes, I am. 1701 01:23:23,680 --> 01:23:25,000 (Audience laughing) 1702 01:23:25,120 --> 01:23:27,520 You mean that you would be low enough to tell Garry? 1703 01:23:27,600 --> 01:23:31,720 Yes. And Helen, and Morris. I will tell them all, 1704 01:23:31,840 --> 01:23:33,560 unless you do as I say. 1705 01:23:34,600 --> 01:23:37,200 I suppose you are still in love with Garry yourself? 1706 01:23:37,320 --> 01:23:41,000 Not in the least. And even if I were, it's entirely beside the point. 1707 01:23:41,160 --> 01:23:44,720 I certainly love him. I love Helen and Morris, too. 1708 01:23:44,800 --> 01:23:47,400 We've all been devoted to one another for many years, 1709 01:23:47,480 --> 01:23:49,800 and it would take more than you to break it up permanently. 1710 01:23:49,880 --> 01:23:53,920 But I'm not taking any risks of you even upsetting it temporarily. 1711 01:23:54,080 --> 01:23:56,120 Because you're going to do what I tell you. 1712 01:23:56,280 --> 01:23:57,360 And what if I don't? 1713 01:23:57,480 --> 01:23:59,680 You'll be out, my dear, with all of us, forever. 1714 01:23:59,840 --> 01:24:02,920 With Garry most of all, quite soon. 1715 01:24:03,040 --> 01:24:06,880 And you wouldn't like that, you know. It would be very shaming to your vanity. 1716 01:24:06,960 --> 01:24:10,640 - You're very sure. - Oh, I'm absolutely positive. 1717 01:24:11,760 --> 01:24:14,920 You see, I know Garry very well. 1718 01:24:15,040 --> 01:24:18,280 After all, I've had every opportunity. 1719 01:24:18,400 --> 01:24:20,080 It's a pity you ever left him. 1720 01:24:20,200 --> 01:24:21,920 For him, yes, I think it is. 1721 01:24:22,920 --> 01:24:24,280 And why should you imagine 1722 01:24:24,440 --> 01:24:29,240 that I should mind so terribly being out with all of you, as you put it? 1723 01:24:29,360 --> 01:24:32,760 Principally, because you made such a terrific effort to get in. 1724 01:24:32,880 --> 01:24:34,800 I've never been talked to like this in my life. 1725 01:24:34,920 --> 01:24:36,080 Well, make the most of it. 1726 01:24:36,160 --> 01:24:37,600 (Audience chuckling) 1727 01:24:37,760 --> 01:24:40,680 Now, are you going to be sensible and do what I ask you or not? 1728 01:24:40,760 --> 01:24:42,000 You haven't asked me anything yet. 1729 01:24:42,120 --> 01:24:44,440 I want you to promise me that you won't see Garry again 1730 01:24:44,600 --> 01:24:46,320 - before he goes to Africa. - Well, really! 1731 01:24:46,440 --> 01:24:49,280 - Will you promise that? - No, certainly not. It's nonsense! 1732 01:24:49,400 --> 01:24:51,200 I'm bound to see him again. How can I avoid it? 1733 01:24:51,320 --> 01:24:52,960 You can be ill. You can go to Paris. Anywhere. 1734 01:24:53,120 --> 01:24:55,440 No, I have no intention of doing any such thing. 1735 01:24:55,560 --> 01:24:58,320 Very well. Fred! Fred! 1736 01:24:58,440 --> 01:25:00,560 It will be you who is breaking everything up, not me. 1737 01:25:00,720 --> 01:25:03,320 - Did you call, Miss? - Go and wake Garry immediately, will you? 1738 01:25:05,160 --> 01:25:06,920 - Rightyo. - (Doorbell buzzing) 1739 01:25:07,080 --> 01:25:09,640 You'd better answer the door first. It's Morris. 1740 01:25:09,760 --> 01:25:10,720 Morris? 1741 01:25:10,800 --> 01:25:12,880 He told me last night he was coming to see Garry at 11:00. 1742 01:25:13,000 --> 01:25:15,800 - Now... Now, look here, Liz... - I'm glad, really, it'll be more convenient. 1743 01:25:15,960 --> 01:25:17,880 No, I can't face him. It would be too unpleasant. 1744 01:25:18,000 --> 01:25:19,520 - I'll do what you say. - You swear it? 1745 01:25:19,640 --> 01:25:21,080 You swear you'll go away? you won't see him again? 1746 01:25:21,200 --> 01:25:22,520 Yes! Yeah, I swear it. 1747 01:25:22,680 --> 01:25:27,000 Quickly, get into the spare room. And don't come out until I tell you. 1748 01:25:27,680 --> 01:25:29,880 It's a Mr Maule. He says he has an appointment. 1749 01:25:30,000 --> 01:25:31,840 - (Audience laughing) - A Mr what? 1750 01:25:31,920 --> 01:25:33,960 Maule. He looks a bit wet to me. 1751 01:25:34,040 --> 01:25:36,160 Oh, dear. Well, I suppose you'd better show him in. 1752 01:25:36,240 --> 01:25:38,000 Monica can deal with him. Monica! 1753 01:25:38,840 --> 01:25:41,040 - What's happening? - A Mr Maule is here. 1754 01:25:41,160 --> 01:25:43,560 Oh, he's got no right to be. 1755 01:25:43,720 --> 01:25:45,000 (Fred) Uh, Mr Maule. 1756 01:25:45,080 --> 01:25:47,280 - Good morning. - (Liz) Good morning. 1757 01:25:47,400 --> 01:25:49,600 Oh! Oh, we met before, do you remember? 1758 01:25:49,760 --> 01:25:51,040 (Liz) Yes, very well, just the other day. 1759 01:25:51,120 --> 01:25:52,880 Have you an appointment with Mr Essendine? 1760 01:25:52,960 --> 01:25:54,960 Oh, yes, indeed. I spoke to him on the telephone last night. 1761 01:25:55,080 --> 01:25:58,680 And he told me I was to come at 10:30. I fear I'm a little late. 1762 01:25:58,800 --> 01:26:00,440 No, no, no. I'm afraid you can't see him just now. 1763 01:26:00,560 --> 01:26:01,680 Could you come back later? 1764 01:26:01,800 --> 01:26:03,520 Well, is there anywhere I could wait? 1765 01:26:04,400 --> 01:26:06,600 Well, go into the office for a moment, 1766 01:26:06,680 --> 01:26:08,560 and I'll find out when Mr Essendine can see you. 1767 01:26:08,680 --> 01:26:10,040 That's very, very kind of you. 1768 01:26:10,200 --> 01:26:11,920 - Not at all. - Thanks very much. 1769 01:26:12,040 --> 01:26:13,120 Oughtn't I to have let 'im in? 1770 01:26:13,280 --> 01:26:15,520 I don't know. He says Garry told him to come. 1771 01:26:15,680 --> 01:26:18,200 I can hardly believe that he did. Well, we gotta wake him and ask him. 1772 01:26:18,320 --> 01:26:20,800 No, Monica. Don't wake him yet. I'd rather he slept on a bit. 1773 01:26:20,880 --> 01:26:22,680 All right, Fred. We'll call him later. 1774 01:26:22,800 --> 01:26:24,880 (Fred) All right, it's all the same to me. 1775 01:26:25,200 --> 01:26:29,120 Listen, Monica. I have guaranteed that you and I won't say a word 1776 01:26:29,240 --> 01:26:32,320 to Helen or Morris or anybody about Joe being here, 1777 01:26:32,480 --> 01:26:35,200 if he swears not to see Garry again before he goes to Africa. 1778 01:26:35,280 --> 01:26:36,800 - And did he? - Yes, he did. 1779 01:26:36,920 --> 01:26:39,800 But Morris will be here at any moment, and it's going to be awkward. 1780 01:26:39,960 --> 01:26:41,720 There's a telephone in the spare room, isn't there? 1781 01:26:41,840 --> 01:26:43,240 - Yes. - Is it the same number as this one 1782 01:26:43,360 --> 01:26:44,880 - or different? - It's the private line. 1783 01:26:45,000 --> 01:26:46,400 This one is an extension of the office. 1784 01:26:46,520 --> 01:26:47,560 - (Doorbell buzzing) - There he is. 1785 01:26:47,680 --> 01:26:49,680 Leave this to me. I'll explain later. 1786 01:26:52,400 --> 01:26:55,760 Oh, Mr Maule, what are you doing? 1787 01:26:55,840 --> 01:26:57,840 (Audience laughing) 1788 01:27:02,760 --> 01:27:04,280 - Garry! - Argh! 1789 01:27:04,440 --> 01:27:05,440 (Audience laughing) 1790 01:27:05,600 --> 01:27:08,080 - Never do that to me again as long as I live. - Where are you going? 1791 01:27:08,200 --> 01:27:09,280 - Out. - Out where? 1792 01:27:09,360 --> 01:27:11,960 Just out. I suppose I can go out if I want to, can't I? 1793 01:27:12,080 --> 01:27:15,920 I never even knew you was up! You are a dark horse. 1794 01:27:16,000 --> 01:27:19,840 - Don't be impertinent, Fred, and go away. - All right, all right. 1795 01:27:19,920 --> 01:27:21,960 Well, the young gentleman's in the office 1796 01:27:22,040 --> 01:27:25,040 and you know who's in the spare room, if you 'appen to want either of 'em. 1797 01:27:25,120 --> 01:27:27,120 What's he talking about? The boy's off his rocker. 1798 01:27:27,240 --> 01:27:30,280 "You know who"? Really, Garry? You're impossible. Who is it? 1799 01:27:30,400 --> 01:27:32,480 I should be very, very much obliged, 1800 01:27:32,600 --> 01:27:35,080 if everybody were to mind their own goddamned business. 1801 01:27:35,200 --> 01:27:40,080 Oh, for God's sake, just get rid of them. I've got to talk to you. I'm in a bad way. 1802 01:27:40,200 --> 01:27:43,200 - Why? What's wrong? - Just get rid of them first, whoever it is. 1803 01:27:43,360 --> 01:27:45,640 They've probably got their ear clamped to the keyhole. 1804 01:27:45,760 --> 01:27:47,440 How can I get rid of them? They might be in the bath. 1805 01:27:47,560 --> 01:27:48,720 Well, tell them to hurry, then. 1806 01:27:48,840 --> 01:27:51,040 - Now, listen to me, Morris. - Well, if you won't, I will. 1807 01:27:51,120 --> 01:27:52,960 Morris! No! I forbid you to go near that room. 1808 01:27:53,120 --> 01:27:54,760 Come out, please, as soon as you can! 1809 01:27:54,880 --> 01:27:58,040 I'm coming. I was only just powdering my nose. 1810 01:27:58,200 --> 01:27:59,480 Liz! It's you! 1811 01:27:59,640 --> 01:28:01,600 Of course. Who did you think it was? 1812 01:28:01,680 --> 01:28:03,280 Yes, who did you think it was? 1813 01:28:03,400 --> 01:28:04,640 (Audience laughing) 1814 01:28:04,760 --> 01:28:07,360 What were you making such a fuss about, Garry? 1815 01:28:07,520 --> 01:28:11,280 I make a fuss? I don't know what you mean! I was just standing there. 1816 01:28:12,040 --> 01:28:14,560 Why are you so completely dressed so suddenly? 1817 01:28:14,640 --> 01:28:16,480 - You were asleep a few moments ago! - On, no, I wasn't. 1818 01:28:16,560 --> 01:28:19,920 I most gravely doubt whether I shall ever be able to sleep again. 1819 01:28:20,040 --> 01:28:21,760 Perhaps your conscience was troubling you. 1820 01:28:21,920 --> 01:28:26,040 I cannot, for the life of me, imagine why everybody is so absolutely beastly to me! 1821 01:28:26,160 --> 01:28:28,640 I can't wait to get to Africa! 1822 01:28:28,760 --> 01:28:30,320 (Audience laughing) 1823 01:28:30,400 --> 01:28:31,920 To be away from the lot of you. 1824 01:28:32,040 --> 01:28:34,320 It won't be exactly unrelieved sadness for us. 1825 01:28:34,440 --> 01:28:37,040 Oh, for God's sake, stop bickering, please, the both of you. 1826 01:28:37,200 --> 01:28:39,200 - I'm in the most awful state. - (Garry) Why? What's wrong? 1827 01:28:39,320 --> 01:28:41,240 Liz knows. I told her last night. 1828 01:28:41,400 --> 01:28:43,240 What does Liz know? What did you tell her last night? 1829 01:28:43,360 --> 01:28:44,800 Pull yourself together, Morris! 1830 01:28:44,960 --> 01:28:46,800 Have a drink or something. Try not to be silly. 1831 01:28:46,920 --> 01:28:50,640 No, I don't want a drink. If I have a drink, it will make it much worse. It always does. 1832 01:28:50,760 --> 01:28:52,440 This is the most fascinating little conversation, 1833 01:28:52,560 --> 01:28:56,600 but I must say, I should enjoy the full flavour of it more, 1834 01:28:56,720 --> 01:28:59,560 had I just an inkling as to what it was all about! 1835 01:29:00,120 --> 01:29:03,320 I haven't slept for three nights, Garry, 1836 01:29:03,480 --> 01:29:05,520 ever since you spoke to me the other morning. 1837 01:29:05,640 --> 01:29:07,240 - Oh, dear! - Why, what's wrong? 1838 01:29:07,360 --> 01:29:10,320 It's bad enough getting one of my awful obsessions. 1839 01:29:10,440 --> 01:29:12,440 You know what I'm like when I get an obsession. 1840 01:29:12,600 --> 01:29:15,280 God knows you've helped me through enough of them, 1841 01:29:15,400 --> 01:29:17,920 but this time, I've made an utter fool of myself 1842 01:29:18,000 --> 01:29:19,920 and lied to you into the bargain. 1843 01:29:20,040 --> 01:29:21,960 Lied to me? You mean... 1844 01:29:22,720 --> 01:29:27,480 Joe and I love each other, Garry. 1845 01:29:29,040 --> 01:29:30,600 (Audience chuckling) 1846 01:29:31,440 --> 01:29:33,560 (Morris sobbing, audience laughing) 1847 01:29:39,320 --> 01:29:40,400 Oh! 1848 01:29:40,480 --> 01:29:42,480 (Audience laughing) 1849 01:29:44,120 --> 01:29:46,960 It's been going on for several months, 1850 01:29:47,080 --> 01:29:50,160 but we made a pact we'd lie about it to everyone, 1851 01:29:50,280 --> 01:29:53,560 in order not to make an awful mess and upset everything. 1852 01:29:53,720 --> 01:29:55,120 But I'm not used to lying to you. 1853 01:29:55,240 --> 01:29:59,480 I never have before, and it's been driving me mad ever since. 1854 01:29:59,640 --> 01:30:02,160 Yesterday afternoon, I couldn't take it any longer, 1855 01:30:02,280 --> 01:30:04,760 and I told Joe I was going to tell you. 1856 01:30:04,880 --> 01:30:06,400 He was furious. 1857 01:30:06,560 --> 01:30:08,680 He said he'll never speak to me again if I did, 1858 01:30:08,800 --> 01:30:11,960 and he went away and left me. He's disappeared. 1859 01:30:13,560 --> 01:30:15,000 (Audience laughing) 1860 01:30:15,680 --> 01:30:17,520 I've been trying to find him ever since. 1861 01:30:17,640 --> 01:30:19,680 His servants say he hasn't been home all night, 1862 01:30:19,840 --> 01:30:21,960 and I'm terrified something's happened to him. 1863 01:30:22,040 --> 01:30:24,120 Perhaps it has. 1864 01:30:24,800 --> 01:30:27,200 You don't like him, Liz, you never did. 1865 01:30:27,320 --> 01:30:30,760 I'm not sure I do, really, but I love him. 1866 01:30:30,880 --> 01:30:33,920 The whole thing's very fragrant, isn't it, Garry? 1867 01:30:35,080 --> 01:30:37,760 Well, you needn't fuss any more, Morris. 1868 01:30:37,880 --> 01:30:39,720 Joe spent the night with me. 1869 01:30:39,800 --> 01:30:43,040 - Spent the night with you! - Yes, on the sofa. 1870 01:30:43,160 --> 01:30:45,280 He lost his latchkey! 1871 01:30:45,440 --> 01:30:46,960 (Audience laughing) 1872 01:30:47,080 --> 01:30:49,760 He's there now. I told him I'd tell you to ring him up if I saw you. 1873 01:30:49,880 --> 01:30:51,880 - I'll go round now. - No! You'd better ring up first 1874 01:30:52,000 --> 01:30:53,600 and see if he's still there. He might have gone out. 1875 01:30:53,720 --> 01:30:55,320 I'll get the number for you. 1876 01:30:56,880 --> 01:31:00,120 Hello. Maggie? Is Mr Lyppiatt still there? 1877 01:31:00,240 --> 01:31:02,440 All right. There you are, Morris. 1878 01:31:02,560 --> 01:31:04,920 Hello, Joe? Yes, it's me, Morris. 1879 01:31:05,040 --> 01:31:07,920 - You unutterable fool! - How did you get him out? 1880 01:31:08,040 --> 01:31:11,160 He's not out, he's in there, on the other line. 1881 01:31:12,040 --> 01:31:14,840 Why didn't you tell me you were with Liz? I was so terrified. 1882 01:31:14,960 --> 01:31:17,240 I thought something had happened to you. 1883 01:31:17,360 --> 01:31:19,120 - Yes. - (Audience laughing) 1884 01:31:19,240 --> 01:31:22,680 Yeah. Yes, I'm at the studio. I... 1885 01:31:22,800 --> 01:31:26,080 Yes, I have. I've told them, I had to. I... 1886 01:31:26,240 --> 01:31:30,280 Listen, Joe, I must see you. Joe? Joe? 1887 01:31:30,400 --> 01:31:32,200 - He's hung up! - Well, it serves you right. 1888 01:31:32,320 --> 01:31:35,680 I must see him! I must see him! What am I to do? 1889 01:31:35,840 --> 01:31:37,760 Calm down and don't be hysterical. 1890 01:31:37,880 --> 01:31:40,240 - I'm going to Liz's flat now. - No! You're coming with me! 1891 01:31:40,360 --> 01:31:42,640 - Coming with you? Where to? - Hampstead Heath. 1892 01:31:42,760 --> 01:31:44,800 (Audience laughing) 1893 01:31:45,760 --> 01:31:49,120 It's cruel and heartless of you to try to be funny at a moment like this, 1894 01:31:49,280 --> 01:31:50,960 when you know I'm utterly miserable. 1895 01:31:51,040 --> 01:31:54,000 - I'm not trying to be funny at all. - Be quiet, Garry. 1896 01:31:54,120 --> 01:31:55,600 Listen, Morris. It really would be better 1897 01:31:55,760 --> 01:31:58,120 if you didn't try to see Joe in your present state. 1898 01:31:58,240 --> 01:32:00,040 Have a drink and calm down. 1899 01:32:00,160 --> 01:32:03,000 - What's the matter with Hampstead Heath? - Oh, shut up, Garry! 1900 01:32:03,120 --> 01:32:07,040 I'm surrounded by lies and intrigue and sickening emotionalism! 1901 01:32:07,160 --> 01:32:10,720 I tell you here and now, I'm not going to put up with it a moment longer. 1902 01:32:10,800 --> 01:32:14,160 My whole life is spent in trying to help people... 1903 01:32:14,280 --> 01:32:15,640 (Audience laughing) 1904 01:32:15,800 --> 01:32:18,080 ...in giving them wise, sensible advice, 1905 01:32:18,200 --> 01:32:21,000 in shielding them from the buffets of Fate and what's the result? 1906 01:32:21,080 --> 01:32:22,160 They batten on me! 1907 01:32:22,240 --> 01:32:26,160 They drain every ounce of vitality out of me, until I'm a nervous wreck, 1908 01:32:26,280 --> 01:32:28,560 and then they expect me to go tramping back and forth 1909 01:32:28,680 --> 01:32:31,240 through darkest Africa in order to make money for them. 1910 01:32:31,360 --> 01:32:33,360 Money, money, money, money! 1911 01:32:33,480 --> 01:32:34,960 That's all they think about. 1912 01:32:35,080 --> 01:32:39,000 And when I'm weltering in my final moments in some malarial swamp, 1913 01:32:39,120 --> 01:32:40,920 all you'll be saying is, "10%! 1914 01:32:41,520 --> 01:32:44,320 - "10%! 10%!" - (Audience laughing) 1915 01:32:44,400 --> 01:32:46,480 (Applause) 1916 01:32:49,960 --> 01:32:55,080 If ever I try to snatch a little happiness for myself, 1917 01:32:55,160 --> 01:32:59,440 a little gaiety, a little relaxation, I'm accused of being... 1918 01:33:01,120 --> 01:33:03,120 (Audience laughing) 1919 01:33:09,360 --> 01:33:11,400 ...of being immoral 1920 01:33:11,480 --> 01:33:14,440 and letting down my position. Position indeed! 1921 01:33:14,560 --> 01:33:18,200 I have no more position than a little frightened beetle... 1922 01:33:18,320 --> 01:33:20,880 - (Audience laughing) - ...cringing into the shadows, 1923 01:33:21,000 --> 01:33:23,320 trying frantically to hide away 1924 01:33:23,480 --> 01:33:26,920 from blinding, merciless light of criticism 1925 01:33:27,040 --> 01:33:29,200 that is forever beating down upon me. 1926 01:33:29,320 --> 01:33:33,960 Did you or did you not make an appointment with Mr Maule this morning? 1927 01:33:34,040 --> 01:33:35,560 I most emphatically did not. 1928 01:33:35,680 --> 01:33:38,000 - He terrifies the life out of me. - Well, he's here! 1929 01:33:38,080 --> 01:33:41,800 I'm afraid I told a wicked lie about the appointment, 1930 01:33:41,920 --> 01:33:44,120 but I must see you. It's very, very important. 1931 01:33:44,280 --> 01:33:47,640 Mr Maule, you promised me that you'd stay in the office. 1932 01:33:47,760 --> 01:33:50,240 - I want to tell you that it's all right. - What's all right? 1933 01:33:50,760 --> 01:33:53,720 About what I felt about you. I've got the whole thing straightened out. 1934 01:33:53,880 --> 01:33:55,160 I'm absolutely delighted for you, 1935 01:33:55,280 --> 01:33:57,360 and I congratulate you from the bottom of my heart, 1936 01:33:57,480 --> 01:33:59,280 but you really must go away now. 1937 01:33:59,400 --> 01:34:01,480 - (Doorbell buzzing) - Yes, you really must go away now. 1938 01:34:01,600 --> 01:34:04,440 Mr Essendine's in the middle of a... a conference. 1939 01:34:04,560 --> 01:34:05,920 (Doorbell buzzing) 1940 01:34:06,000 --> 01:34:08,200 Fred! Miss Erikson! There's somebody at the door. 1941 01:34:08,320 --> 01:34:10,120 I haven't got the faintest idea who it is, 1942 01:34:10,240 --> 01:34:12,920 but I strongly suspect it's a mad florist from Stoke Poges 1943 01:34:13,040 --> 01:34:14,720 who is passionately in love with me! 1944 01:34:14,840 --> 01:34:16,640 - (Audience laughing) - I'll go! 1945 01:34:16,760 --> 01:34:20,320 Mr Maule, I really do think it would be better if you were to come back later. 1946 01:34:20,480 --> 01:34:21,760 Couldn't I stay a little longer? 1947 01:34:21,920 --> 01:34:26,040 You see, every moment I'm near him, I get smoother and smoother and smoother, 1948 01:34:26,160 --> 01:34:27,960 my whole rhythm improves tremendously. 1949 01:34:28,080 --> 01:34:29,520 - Where's Joe? - Helen! 1950 01:34:29,640 --> 01:34:30,680 He's disappeared. 1951 01:34:30,800 --> 01:34:32,320 I understood you were coming back tomorrow. 1952 01:34:32,480 --> 01:34:34,920 He hasn't been home all night, nobody knows where he is. 1953 01:34:35,000 --> 01:34:37,280 It's all right, Helen, he stayed with me. 1954 01:34:37,400 --> 01:34:40,160 But I rang up Maggie, and she said she hadn't seen him. 1955 01:34:40,280 --> 01:34:43,120 Well, there's a reason for that, I'll explain later. 1956 01:34:44,600 --> 01:34:46,120 Yes, wait till you hear it. 1957 01:34:46,240 --> 01:34:48,400 (Audience laughing) 1958 01:34:50,960 --> 01:34:54,800 Something's happened. I had a presentiment in the aeroplane. 1959 01:34:54,880 --> 01:34:57,080 - But why did Maggie say... - Ring him up if you don't believe me. 1960 01:34:57,200 --> 01:34:59,400 Monica, get my flat on the telephone. 1961 01:34:59,480 --> 01:35:01,880 - How do you do? My name is Roland Maule. - How do you do? 1962 01:35:02,000 --> 01:35:03,120 Uh, Roland Maule. I don't think we've met. 1963 01:35:03,240 --> 01:35:05,440 Please go away, Mr Maule! 1964 01:35:08,120 --> 01:35:10,720 Oh, hello, Joe? Hold on a minute. 1965 01:35:10,800 --> 01:35:13,200 Helen wants to speak to you. 1966 01:35:13,320 --> 01:35:16,440 Yes, she's here, in the studio. 1967 01:35:18,200 --> 01:35:20,560 Darling, you gave me the most awful fright. 1968 01:35:21,440 --> 01:35:24,720 No, I got through everything yesterday, and there was no sense in staying. 1969 01:35:24,840 --> 01:35:26,480 I couldn't think what had happened to you. 1970 01:35:27,400 --> 01:35:29,240 Yes, we're all here. 1971 01:35:29,400 --> 01:35:30,960 No, I think I shall have to lunch with Morris. 1972 01:35:31,080 --> 01:35:32,920 Are you going back to the house? 1973 01:35:33,080 --> 01:35:34,600 Very well, darling. I'll tell her. 1974 01:35:34,720 --> 01:35:36,600 He says he's going to pop out any minute. 1975 01:35:36,720 --> 01:35:40,000 Tell him to stay where he is, and I'll pop in and see him presently. 1976 01:35:40,080 --> 01:35:41,040 (Doorbell buzzing) 1977 01:35:41,160 --> 01:35:44,040 Liz says to stay where you are, and she'll be round presently. 1978 01:35:44,200 --> 01:35:47,760 What? Joe, whatever is the matter? 1979 01:35:49,760 --> 01:35:51,800 He says he feels as if he were in a French farce, 1980 01:35:51,960 --> 01:35:53,040 and he's sick to death of it. 1981 01:35:53,160 --> 01:35:54,800 (Audience laughing) 1982 01:35:54,960 --> 01:35:56,560 (Applause) 1983 01:35:58,880 --> 01:36:00,040 He sounds upset. 1984 01:36:00,160 --> 01:36:02,240 That's the telephone, it never stops ringing. 1985 01:36:02,360 --> 01:36:03,960 Tell him to shut it off. 1986 01:36:04,080 --> 01:36:06,480 Liz says to shut off the telephone, and... 1987 01:36:06,600 --> 01:36:09,560 Joe? Hello? He's hung up. 1988 01:36:09,720 --> 01:36:11,280 There's a Lady Saltburn outside, Miss Reed, 1989 01:36:11,400 --> 01:36:13,040 she says she has an appointment for 11:30. 1990 01:36:13,200 --> 01:36:15,040 - Lady who? - Good heavens! What's today? 1991 01:36:15,120 --> 01:36:16,160 Black Thursday. 1992 01:36:16,280 --> 01:36:18,600 Thursday. I'd completely forgotten. 1993 01:36:18,680 --> 01:36:20,720 Lady Saltburn's great niece. 1994 01:36:20,800 --> 01:36:22,800 You promised you'd give her an audition 1995 01:36:22,920 --> 01:36:26,240 and recommend her to the R.A.D.A. or something, don't you remember? 1996 01:36:26,360 --> 01:36:28,400 No, I do not. She must be sent away immediately. 1997 01:36:28,480 --> 01:36:31,240 No! No, Garry. You can't send Lady Saltburn away. 1998 01:36:31,360 --> 01:36:34,800 She gave us £50 for the Footlights Fund. 1999 01:36:34,920 --> 01:36:38,080 I don't care if she gave us £5,000 for the Footlights Fund. 2000 01:36:38,160 --> 01:36:41,440 How can I be expected to listen to people's great nieces this morning? 2001 01:36:41,520 --> 01:36:44,080 I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown as it is. 2002 01:36:44,200 --> 01:36:45,680 Why, what's happened? 2003 01:36:47,000 --> 01:36:49,200 Too much, Helen! Far, far too much! 2004 01:36:49,320 --> 01:36:50,360 - You must see her. - No. 2005 01:36:50,520 --> 01:36:51,600 - It won't take a minute. - No. 2006 01:36:51,720 --> 01:36:53,480 It would be most terribly rude not to, after all you promised. 2007 01:36:53,640 --> 01:36:55,560 - No. - Ask her in, Fred. 2008 01:36:55,640 --> 01:36:57,080 - Rightyo. - Thank you, Monica, 2009 01:36:57,200 --> 01:36:59,200 you're a great comfort to me! 2010 01:36:59,360 --> 01:37:01,080 It's all very exciting, isn't it? 2011 01:37:01,200 --> 01:37:05,240 I have to go. I'll be back later, Garry, Liz, Helen. 2012 01:37:05,400 --> 01:37:07,760 All right. Let's pop in to Liz's flat and talk to Joe. 2013 01:37:07,840 --> 01:37:09,080 No! 2014 01:37:09,240 --> 01:37:12,440 I must go to the office, and you must come with me. It's urgent. 2015 01:37:12,600 --> 01:37:14,080 Lady Saltburn. 2016 01:37:14,160 --> 01:37:16,000 - (All) Ah! - (Clapping) 2017 01:37:17,040 --> 01:37:21,080 Mr Essendine, this is so charming of you. 2018 01:37:21,200 --> 01:37:24,720 Not at all, my pleasure. 2019 01:37:24,840 --> 01:37:26,800 Let me introduce you to everybody. 2020 01:37:26,920 --> 01:37:28,640 - This is my wife. - How do you do? 2021 01:37:28,760 --> 01:37:31,640 - How do you do? - My secretary, Miss Reed. 2022 01:37:31,800 --> 01:37:35,280 How do you do? You were so kind on the telephone. 2023 01:37:35,400 --> 01:37:39,600 - Mr Dixon. Mrs Lyppiatt. - Pleasure. 2024 01:37:39,720 --> 01:37:42,640 And Mr Maule. 2025 01:37:42,760 --> 01:37:46,200 How do you do? And this is my great niece Daphne. 2026 01:37:46,320 --> 01:37:48,360 Oh, how do you do? 2027 01:37:48,440 --> 01:37:50,560 (Audience laughing) 2028 01:37:50,720 --> 01:37:52,720 (Applause) 2029 01:37:55,320 --> 01:38:00,040 I believe you knew her mother years ago. 2030 01:38:03,120 --> 01:38:06,880 She... She died, you know, in Africa. 2031 01:38:07,040 --> 01:38:08,880 Uh... How shocking! 2032 01:38:09,000 --> 01:38:11,960 I've been longing to meet you, Mr Essendine. 2033 01:38:12,120 --> 01:38:14,280 I've loved everything you've ever done. 2034 01:38:15,960 --> 01:38:17,520 (Audience laughing) 2035 01:38:17,640 --> 01:38:19,360 What a charming tribute. 2036 01:38:19,440 --> 01:38:21,480 Daphne simply wouldn't give me any peace 2037 01:38:21,560 --> 01:38:23,560 until I'd rung up your secretary 2038 01:38:23,680 --> 01:38:25,880 and absolutely implored her for an appointment. 2039 01:38:26,040 --> 01:38:28,760 She's so tremendously keen, you know. 2040 01:38:29,520 --> 01:38:32,280 This is quite a peep behind the scenes, isn't it, Daphne, dear? 2041 01:38:32,400 --> 01:38:35,000 One peep ought to be quite enough. 2042 01:38:35,680 --> 01:38:38,960 This is the most thrilling moment of my life, Mr Essendine. 2043 01:38:39,040 --> 01:38:41,520 I've always wondered what you'd be like close up. 2044 01:38:41,640 --> 01:38:43,440 You mustn't embarrass Mr Essendine, Daphne. 2045 01:38:43,560 --> 01:38:45,240 I'm sure he understands, don't you, Mr Essendine? 2046 01:38:45,360 --> 01:38:46,520 I understand perfectly, 2047 01:38:46,640 --> 01:38:49,080 but I'm afraid I can only give you a couple of minutes of my time. 2048 01:38:49,200 --> 01:38:51,120 You see, I'm terribly busy at the moment with my associates, 2049 01:38:51,240 --> 01:38:55,320 making plans for my forthcoming tour in Africa. 2050 01:38:55,440 --> 01:38:59,120 Oh, I'd no idea you were going to Africa. How very interesting. 2051 01:38:59,200 --> 01:39:02,360 You simply must pay a visit to my nephew-in-law. 2052 01:39:02,960 --> 01:39:08,320 He lives on the top of the most beautiful mountain. 2053 01:39:11,120 --> 01:39:13,120 (Audience laughing) 2054 01:39:14,960 --> 01:39:16,680 Right on the top? 2055 01:39:18,400 --> 01:39:20,560 Well, I can hardly wait. 2056 01:39:21,360 --> 01:39:23,280 So, shall we make a start, Miss Stillington? 2057 01:39:23,400 --> 01:39:25,720 Yes, yes. Off we go. Are you ready, Daphne? 2058 01:39:25,880 --> 01:39:28,560 You know how busy Mr Essendine is. 2059 01:39:28,680 --> 01:39:30,360 (Audience gasping) 2060 01:39:30,480 --> 01:39:34,800 I'm sure it's very sweet of him to see us at all. 2061 01:39:36,040 --> 01:39:37,400 (Audience laughing) 2062 01:39:37,560 --> 01:39:39,520 We mustn't impose on him. 2063 01:39:39,600 --> 01:39:41,040 Yes, nearly ready. 2064 01:39:41,160 --> 01:39:44,360 I do hope you'll forgive us, but we really must go now. 2065 01:39:44,520 --> 01:39:47,000 - We've got to go back to the office. Goodbye. - How sad. Goodbye. 2066 01:39:47,160 --> 01:39:49,840 - Morris? Liz? - I'm staying here a little. I'll come later. 2067 01:39:49,960 --> 01:39:52,160 - Goodbye, Lady Saltburn. - Goodbye, Mr Maule. 2068 01:39:52,280 --> 01:39:53,840 I'm staying, too. (Laughs) 2069 01:39:53,920 --> 01:39:55,280 So, what are you going to do, Miss Stillington? 2070 01:39:55,360 --> 01:39:57,200 Oh, nothing much. I'll try not to bore you. 2071 01:39:57,280 --> 01:40:00,080 You see, I want you to hear me so very much. 2072 01:40:00,160 --> 01:40:03,320 It means everything to me. You will hear me, won't you? 2073 01:40:03,480 --> 01:40:06,960 You can hear me, can't you? And you're not angry, are you? 2074 01:40:07,080 --> 01:40:08,760 Daphne. Really! What are you talking about? 2075 01:40:08,880 --> 01:40:10,600 Mr Essendine understands, don't you, Mr Essendine? 2076 01:40:10,720 --> 01:40:13,080 Mr Essendine understands everything. 2077 01:40:13,800 --> 01:40:16,360 Mr Essendine always understands absolutely everything 2078 01:40:16,480 --> 01:40:18,960 and what nobody else seems to understand is that the strain of it 2079 01:40:19,080 --> 01:40:23,240 is driving him step by step into a suicide's grave! 2080 01:40:23,400 --> 01:40:25,600 Oh, don't be affected, Garry. 2081 01:40:25,760 --> 01:40:29,320 My wife, Lady Saltburn, left me several years ago. 2082 01:40:29,440 --> 01:40:31,640 Gnawing regret has embittered her. 2083 01:40:31,760 --> 01:40:33,520 There's nothing worse than regret. Look at Chekhov! 2084 01:40:33,640 --> 01:40:36,640 (Shouting) We have no time at the moment to look at Chekhov! 2085 01:40:36,800 --> 01:40:38,760 (Audience laughing) 2086 01:40:40,560 --> 01:40:42,080 Please don't be nervous, darling. 2087 01:40:42,200 --> 01:40:44,560 I'm not nervous. I just wish you weren't so many miles away. 2088 01:40:44,680 --> 01:40:45,680 (Garry) What are you going to do, sing? 2089 01:40:45,760 --> 01:40:48,160 I'm not going to sing. I'm just going to say a few lines. 2090 01:40:48,240 --> 01:40:50,080 Very well, fire away. 2091 01:40:50,240 --> 01:40:52,080 (♪ Music playing) 2092 01:40:53,720 --> 01:40:56,200 "We meet not as we parted..." 2093 01:40:56,320 --> 01:40:58,160 Oh, it's the Shelley. 2094 01:40:58,240 --> 01:41:01,880 "We feel more than all may see; 2095 01:41:02,440 --> 01:41:05,520 "My bosom is heavy-hearted, 2096 01:41:06,080 --> 01:41:08,520 "And thine full of doubt for me: 2097 01:41:09,840 --> 01:41:13,000 "One moment has bound the free. 2098 01:41:13,600 --> 01:41:16,400 "That moment is gone for ever, 2099 01:41:17,160 --> 01:41:18,480 (Audience laughing) 2100 01:41:18,600 --> 01:41:21,680 "Like lightning that flashed and died-- 2101 01:41:22,920 --> 01:41:26,000 "Like a snowflake upon the river-- 2102 01:41:26,080 --> 01:41:28,760 "Like a sunbeam upon the tide, 2103 01:41:28,880 --> 01:41:32,680 "Which the dark shadows hide. 2104 01:41:33,360 --> 01:41:35,680 "That moment from time was singled 2105 01:41:35,840 --> 01:41:38,240 "Like the first in a life of pain;" 2106 01:41:38,360 --> 01:41:40,080 Ha...! 2107 01:41:40,200 --> 01:41:45,520 "The cup of its joy was mingled 2108 01:41:46,200 --> 01:41:49,680 "Delusion too sweet though vain! 2109 01:41:50,240 --> 01:41:52,640 "Too sweet to be mine again. 2110 01:41:52,760 --> 01:41:53,720 "Sweet lips--" 2111 01:41:53,880 --> 01:41:55,560 That room is like a Frigidaire, 2112 01:41:55,640 --> 01:41:58,800 and I have no intention of staying in it one minute longer. 2113 01:41:58,920 --> 01:42:00,680 I shan't see you again, Garry, 2114 01:42:00,840 --> 01:42:05,120 as I am going to Paris tomorrow for a month. So this, it's goodbye. 2115 01:42:05,240 --> 01:42:08,760 Please don't imagine I haven't enjoyed the circus enormously. 2116 01:42:08,880 --> 01:42:11,680 I have. But in the circuses I have been to, 2117 01:42:11,840 --> 01:42:16,000 it was the ringmaster who cracked the whip, and not the clowns. 2118 01:42:16,160 --> 01:42:18,200 (Heavy breathing, audience laughing) 2119 01:42:18,360 --> 01:42:20,200 Would somebody kindly call me a taxi? 2120 01:42:20,320 --> 01:42:22,800 You'd better take my car, Joe. It's downstairs. 2121 01:42:22,920 --> 01:42:24,200 Thank you very much. 2122 01:42:24,360 --> 01:42:26,920 The chauffeur's got red hair, and his name is Frobisher! 2123 01:42:27,040 --> 01:42:28,160 Brava! 2124 01:42:28,280 --> 01:42:31,840 This is splendid! I feel reborn. 2125 01:42:31,920 --> 01:42:33,000 Go to hell! 2126 01:42:33,080 --> 01:42:35,280 - Goodbye, Garry! - Oh... Oh, God! 2127 01:42:35,400 --> 01:42:37,400 - Oh, no! - (Applause) 2128 01:42:37,560 --> 01:42:40,840 (♪ THELMA HOUSTON: "Don't Leave Me This Way") 2129 01:42:54,000 --> 01:42:57,280 ♪ Don't leave me this way 2130 01:42:58,880 --> 01:43:01,000 ♪ I can't survive 2131 01:43:01,880 --> 01:43:03,960 ♪ I can't stay alive 2132 01:43:04,080 --> 01:43:06,680 ♪ Without your love 2133 01:43:06,840 --> 01:43:08,400 ♪ Oh, baby 2134 01:43:08,520 --> 01:43:11,720 ♪ Don't leave me this way, no 2135 01:43:13,200 --> 01:43:15,960 ♪ I can't exist 2136 01:43:16,080 --> 01:43:18,120 ♪ I'll surely miss 2137 01:43:18,200 --> 01:43:20,960 ♪ Your tender kiss 2138 01:43:21,080 --> 01:43:24,320 ♪ Don't leave me this way 2139 01:43:24,440 --> 01:43:27,880 ♪ Ahh... baby! 2140 01:43:28,000 --> 01:43:31,800 ♪ My heart is full of love and desire for you 2141 01:43:31,920 --> 01:43:35,680 ♪ So, come on down and do what you got to do 2142 01:43:35,760 --> 01:43:39,600 ♪ You started this fire down in my soul 2143 01:43:39,720 --> 01:43:43,560 ♪ Now can't you see it's burning out of control? 2144 01:43:43,640 --> 01:43:47,640 ♪ So, come on, satisfy the need in me 2145 01:43:47,760 --> 01:43:50,640 ♪ 'Cause only your good loving can set me free 2146 01:43:50,760 --> 01:43:53,240 ♪ Set me free, set me free 2147 01:43:53,400 --> 01:43:55,600 ♪ I need your loving, baby 2148 01:43:55,720 --> 01:43:58,240 ♪ Need, need 2149 01:44:09,160 --> 01:44:10,880 ♪ Satisfy 2150 01:44:11,000 --> 01:44:13,040 ♪ The need in me 2151 01:44:13,120 --> 01:44:14,480 ♪ Satisfy 2152 01:44:14,560 --> 01:44:20,320 ♪ The need in me ♪ 2153 01:44:20,480 --> 01:44:25,560 "And I shall never forget those lovely days in Madeira and our picnics on the rocks. 2154 01:44:25,680 --> 01:44:27,240 "What fun we had. 2155 01:44:27,320 --> 01:44:31,440 "It really was wonderful getting to know you intimately like that 2156 01:44:31,560 --> 01:44:34,360 "without you being surrounded by crowds of people all the time. 2157 01:44:34,800 --> 01:44:38,360 "And now for my exciting news. I am coming to England. Imagine! 2158 01:44:38,480 --> 01:44:41,520 "I arrive on the 28th and shall be in London for three whole weeks. 2159 01:44:41,640 --> 01:44:45,360 "You remember you told me to let you know a good time beforehand if I should be coming. 2160 01:44:45,480 --> 01:44:48,080 "So, I am doing so. I am so longing to see you again. 2161 01:44:48,160 --> 01:44:50,960 "With my love and many, many glorious memories. 2162 01:44:51,040 --> 01:44:52,360 "Yours, Winnie. Kiss, kiss, kiss." 2163 01:44:52,480 --> 01:44:54,400 Darling Winnie. When's it dated? 2164 01:44:55,440 --> 01:44:57,200 Oh... November 7th. 2165 01:44:57,960 --> 01:45:01,560 Oh, it's over six months ago. She must be gone by now. 2166 01:45:01,680 --> 01:45:04,400 Well, you told me to put it in Mount Pleasant. 2167 01:45:04,480 --> 01:45:06,480 Well, it's too late to answer it now. 2168 01:45:06,600 --> 01:45:08,000 Much! Ooh! 2169 01:45:08,880 --> 01:45:12,360 Oh, she'd probably have been an awful nuisance anyhow. 2170 01:45:12,440 --> 01:45:13,760 This one's signed "Mitch". 2171 01:45:13,880 --> 01:45:16,000 - Mitch what? - Just "Mitch". 2172 01:45:16,160 --> 01:45:18,880 - But it's dated February 2nd. - Let me look. 2173 01:45:18,960 --> 01:45:21,680 Seems that you met him in the South of France. 2174 01:45:22,800 --> 01:45:24,560 I do get about, don't I? 2175 01:45:24,640 --> 01:45:26,560 (Audience laughing) 2176 01:45:26,640 --> 01:45:28,080 Oh, Mitch! 2177 01:45:28,200 --> 01:45:29,520 That's what I said. 2178 01:45:29,640 --> 01:45:32,240 Mitch was wonderful. 2179 01:45:32,400 --> 01:45:35,080 I met him in a bar in Marseilles. 2180 01:45:35,200 --> 01:45:37,960 He's got dark eyes and comes from Madras. 2181 01:45:40,760 --> 01:45:42,320 What does he want? 2182 01:45:42,960 --> 01:45:45,080 It says at the end. 2183 01:45:45,200 --> 01:45:46,320 Mm... 2184 01:45:48,240 --> 01:45:49,480 (Chuckles) 2185 01:45:49,600 --> 01:45:50,720 (Audience laughing) 2186 01:45:50,840 --> 01:45:52,280 Well, why didn't you send him some? 2187 01:45:52,440 --> 01:45:57,760 Well, I didn't consider "Mitch, Madras" sufficient address. 2188 01:45:57,920 --> 01:46:00,040 I'm damned if I can remember his other name. 2189 01:46:00,160 --> 01:46:03,880 Well, he's out of luck, too, then, isn't he? 2190 01:46:04,000 --> 01:46:05,200 (Harrumphs) 2191 01:46:05,920 --> 01:46:09,000 I wonder if I shall see Green England again. 2192 01:46:09,080 --> 01:46:11,000 I see no reason why you shouldn't. 2193 01:46:11,160 --> 01:46:15,480 I might die of some awful tropical disease or be bitten by a snake. 2194 01:46:16,000 --> 01:46:18,400 I doubt there are any snakes in the larger cities. 2195 01:46:18,560 --> 01:46:22,120 I can see myself now under a mosquito net, fighting for breath... 2196 01:46:22,240 --> 01:46:23,920 (Audience chuckling) 2197 01:46:25,480 --> 01:46:26,800 Who with? 2198 01:46:28,200 --> 01:46:30,440 (Audience laughing) 2199 01:46:33,560 --> 01:46:37,960 You have no imagination at all, Monica. Just a flat, literal mind. 2200 01:46:38,080 --> 01:46:39,600 It must be very depressing for you. 2201 01:46:40,280 --> 01:46:41,400 I get by. 2202 01:46:41,520 --> 01:46:43,040 How many more are there? 2203 01:46:43,160 --> 01:46:44,400 Oh, about 18. 2204 01:46:44,520 --> 01:46:47,280 I can't face them. Just put them in Mount Pleasant. 2205 01:46:48,720 --> 01:46:51,600 Well, you seemed in doubt just now as to whether you were coming back, 2206 01:46:51,720 --> 01:46:53,680 and they'll still be here. 2207 01:46:54,600 --> 01:46:57,280 Well, I can't answer letters if I'm dead, can I? 2208 01:47:00,640 --> 01:47:03,600 'Ave you finished with the tray? 'Cause I want to be getting along. 2209 01:47:04,960 --> 01:47:06,200 Is everything packed? 2210 01:47:06,360 --> 01:47:09,560 All except the last-minute stuff, and we can pop that in in the morning. 2211 01:47:09,680 --> 01:47:11,480 Is this poor Doris's swan song? 2212 01:47:11,600 --> 01:47:12,920 How d'you mean? 2213 01:47:13,960 --> 01:47:16,840 Nothing, Fred. It couldn't matter less. 2214 01:47:18,120 --> 01:47:21,360 Well, she's coming to the station tomorrow morning to see us off. 2215 01:47:23,280 --> 01:47:24,920 You don't mind, do you? 2216 01:47:25,040 --> 01:47:26,440 I can't wait. 2217 01:47:30,120 --> 01:47:32,280 I must be getting back. 2218 01:47:33,560 --> 01:47:35,640 Don't leave me alone, Monica. 2219 01:47:37,200 --> 01:47:38,640 I feel depressed. 2220 01:47:39,320 --> 01:47:44,280 I shall be here first thing in the morning. 2221 01:47:46,720 --> 01:47:48,320 I wish you were coming with me. 2222 01:47:51,240 --> 01:47:52,920 I shall be utterly lost without you. 2223 01:47:57,480 --> 01:47:58,720 (Inhales sharply) 2224 01:47:59,680 --> 01:48:01,080 Is Liz coming to the station? 2225 01:48:03,520 --> 01:48:05,040 No. 2226 01:48:09,080 --> 01:48:12,440 Why don't you go round and see her? 2227 01:48:12,560 --> 01:48:14,840 You know perfectly well. She's still in a rage with me. 2228 01:48:15,000 --> 01:48:16,680 - I haven't seen her for a week. - Have you tried? 2229 01:48:16,760 --> 01:48:19,160 Of course I've tried. I've telephoned her six times. 2230 01:48:19,280 --> 01:48:22,240 Each time she spoke to me remotely and kindly 2231 01:48:22,320 --> 01:48:25,080 as if she were speaking to an idiot child. 2232 01:48:25,200 --> 01:48:28,080 I was surprised she didn't spell out some of the words to me. 2233 01:48:28,760 --> 01:48:30,560 Would you like me to have a go at her? 2234 01:48:30,680 --> 01:48:33,680 No. If she wants to behave like an outraged governess with chilblains, 2235 01:48:33,760 --> 01:48:34,800 let her get on with it. 2236 01:48:39,600 --> 01:48:42,200 I do see her point, you know, Garry. You really did go a little too far, 2237 01:48:42,360 --> 01:48:43,320 and if Helen was to ever... 2238 01:48:43,440 --> 01:48:45,280 Oh, for heaven's sake, don't you start on me, too. 2239 01:48:47,280 --> 01:48:49,080 I just... 2240 01:48:50,280 --> 01:48:52,680 I... Well, I'll... 2241 01:48:53,440 --> 01:48:55,600 I'll put these into the office. 2242 01:48:58,240 --> 01:49:00,640 - Nothing more you want? - No, Fred. 2243 01:49:02,440 --> 01:49:04,720 This place looks a fair lash-up, don't it? 2244 01:49:06,000 --> 01:49:06,960 'Ow many did we 'ave? 2245 01:49:07,080 --> 01:49:09,160 I don't know. About 60, I should think. 2246 01:49:10,160 --> 01:49:13,600 Well, between 'em all they put away enough gin to float the Queen Mary. 2247 01:49:14,280 --> 01:49:16,880 You'd better call me at 8:00 in the morning. 2248 01:49:18,840 --> 01:49:21,040 We gotta be out of the house by 10:00. 2249 01:49:21,160 --> 01:49:22,240 Rightyo. 2250 01:49:23,480 --> 01:49:24,840 Thanks, Fred. 2251 01:49:26,480 --> 01:49:29,120 - Enjoy yourself. - Same to you. 2252 01:49:37,120 --> 01:49:38,440 Be good. 2253 01:49:44,960 --> 01:49:46,520 (Exhales) 2254 01:49:48,560 --> 01:49:52,000 By the way, you'd better be careful if the telephone rings. 2255 01:49:52,160 --> 01:49:55,720 Because that Mr Maule's been calling all the week. 2256 01:49:56,520 --> 01:49:59,080 I'd almost welcome him this evening. 2257 01:49:59,200 --> 01:50:01,480 At least he'd be interesting psychologically. 2258 01:50:01,600 --> 01:50:03,440 (Audience chuckling) 2259 01:50:03,520 --> 01:50:05,840 So would Rasputin! 2260 01:50:05,920 --> 01:50:07,640 (Audience laughing) 2261 01:50:13,600 --> 01:50:15,480 I feel dreadfully flat. 2262 01:50:18,400 --> 01:50:21,480 I suppose everybody does before they go away. 2263 01:50:24,240 --> 01:50:26,720 It's your own fault you're alone, you know. 2264 01:50:26,840 --> 01:50:28,480 You refused all offers. 2265 01:50:28,640 --> 01:50:30,400 You pleaded for a few hours' solitude 2266 01:50:30,560 --> 01:50:33,080 and said you'd throw yourself out of the window if you didn't get it, 2267 01:50:33,240 --> 01:50:34,880 and then we would all be sorry. 2268 01:50:35,000 --> 01:50:36,440 Well, I'm quite sure you wouldn't. 2269 01:50:37,120 --> 01:50:38,320 Oh... 2270 01:50:39,320 --> 01:50:41,240 There, there, there. 2271 01:50:42,120 --> 01:50:43,440 (Exhales) 2272 01:50:45,480 --> 01:50:49,960 - You're getting to be a big boy, you know. - (Audience chuckling) 2273 01:50:50,920 --> 01:50:54,360 You're going to be forty-two next birthday. 2274 01:50:54,480 --> 01:50:56,720 - Just fancy! - Forty-one. 2275 01:51:00,320 --> 01:51:01,680 Just fancy. 2276 01:51:07,080 --> 01:51:08,200 (Kissing) 2277 01:51:08,320 --> 01:51:12,240 Good night, darling. I'll see you in the morning. 2278 01:51:15,520 --> 01:51:16,760 (Chuckling) 2279 01:51:17,640 --> 01:51:19,280 (Chuckling) 2280 01:51:23,760 --> 01:51:25,680 I do envy you, Monica. 2281 01:51:28,480 --> 01:51:30,400 You're so unruffled... 2282 01:51:32,120 --> 01:51:33,760 ...and efficient. 2283 01:51:34,240 --> 01:51:38,000 You go churning through life like some frightening old warship. 2284 01:51:38,080 --> 01:51:40,080 (Audience laughing) 2285 01:51:48,560 --> 01:51:51,400 - Thank you, darling. - (Audience laughing) 2286 01:51:51,520 --> 01:51:53,440 That sounds most attractive. 2287 01:51:54,480 --> 01:51:55,720 Night-night. 2288 01:51:55,840 --> 01:51:57,840 - Have another drink? - No, I really must be getting home. 2289 01:51:57,960 --> 01:52:01,000 - A little game of something. - (Chuckling) 2290 01:52:06,880 --> 01:52:08,320 Night-night. 2291 01:52:29,040 --> 01:52:30,840 (Phone ringing) 2292 01:52:40,480 --> 01:52:41,720 Hello. 2293 01:52:44,240 --> 01:52:45,760 Oh, no, no, no... No! 2294 01:52:47,200 --> 01:52:48,520 I'm... I'm afraid he isn't. 2295 01:53:01,040 --> 01:53:03,760 I'm going away now, Mr Essendine. Have you everything you want? 2296 01:53:05,400 --> 01:53:06,840 (Laughs) 2297 01:53:06,960 --> 01:53:10,480 Frankly, no, Miss Erikson. 2298 01:53:10,600 --> 01:53:11,960 I have nothing that I want. 2299 01:53:12,640 --> 01:53:14,280 Oh, what a pity. 2300 01:53:14,360 --> 01:53:16,200 (Audience laughing) 2301 01:53:20,600 --> 01:53:21,920 Have you? 2302 01:53:23,280 --> 01:53:26,840 Have any of us got what we want? 2303 01:53:26,960 --> 01:53:28,400 (Chuckling) 2304 01:53:28,480 --> 01:53:32,600 Oh, Mr Essendine, you are only acting! 2305 01:53:33,200 --> 01:53:36,080 For a moment, you made me quite upset. 2306 01:53:37,200 --> 01:53:40,280 You lead a strange life, Miss Erikson. Do you enjoy it? 2307 01:53:40,440 --> 01:53:42,800 - Yes, indeed. - Tell me about it from A to Z. 2308 01:53:44,320 --> 01:53:46,880 - Do you mind if I pinch a cigarette? - Pinch anything you like. 2309 01:53:47,000 --> 01:53:51,000 I smoke so much, and I'm always running out. It's most silly. 2310 01:53:51,120 --> 01:53:52,480 Where are you going now, for instance? 2311 01:53:52,640 --> 01:53:55,160 I'm going to my friend in Hammersmith. She is German. 2312 01:53:56,120 --> 01:53:57,080 Is she a spy? 2313 01:53:59,480 --> 01:54:00,840 Yes, I think so. 2314 01:54:00,920 --> 01:54:02,960 (Audience laughing) 2315 01:54:09,960 --> 01:54:12,080 But she is very kind. 2316 01:54:12,560 --> 01:54:15,440 I understand from Fred that she's also a medium. 2317 01:54:15,520 --> 01:54:20,400 Oh, yes, indeed. Sometimes... she makes a trance, and it is very surprising. 2318 01:54:20,520 --> 01:54:24,240 She will lie on the ground for many hours making noises. 2319 01:54:24,920 --> 01:54:26,040 What sort of noises? 2320 01:54:27,400 --> 01:54:31,920 They are different. Sometimes she will sing high, high like the bird... 2321 01:54:32,040 --> 01:54:33,760 (Imitates high-pitched bird noises) 2322 01:54:35,400 --> 01:54:38,920 And at other times she will make a little bark. 2323 01:54:42,400 --> 01:54:43,600 Often she's very ill. 2324 01:54:43,720 --> 01:54:45,840 I'm not entirely surprised. 2325 01:54:45,960 --> 01:54:47,480 (Audience laughing) 2326 01:54:56,400 --> 01:54:58,520 - Well, I must be pushing off now. - Yes, nice to see you, Miss Erikson. 2327 01:54:58,640 --> 01:55:00,360 (Audience laughing) 2328 01:55:01,760 --> 01:55:03,240 (Doorbell buzzing) 2329 01:55:08,520 --> 01:55:10,160 - (Daphne) Hello, Garry. - Daphne, darling, 2330 01:55:10,240 --> 01:55:12,640 this really is very sweet of you, to come and say goodbye. 2331 01:55:12,720 --> 01:55:14,520 - I haven't come to say goodbye. - What do you mean? 2332 01:55:14,640 --> 01:55:17,720 I'm coming with you. I bought my ticket this afternoon. 2333 01:55:17,840 --> 01:55:20,400 - What? - I've run away! (Squeals) 2334 01:55:20,520 --> 01:55:21,760 I left a note for my aunt. 2335 01:55:21,920 --> 01:55:23,280 You see, I know something now. 2336 01:55:23,400 --> 01:55:26,320 I've known it all the week, really, ever since that awful morning when I fainted. 2337 01:55:26,440 --> 01:55:28,760 I know you need me as much as I need you. 2338 01:55:28,880 --> 01:55:32,560 No, don't say anything just for a moment. I've thought it all through very carefully. 2339 01:55:32,680 --> 01:55:34,880 And I know that I'm very much younger than you and all that, 2340 01:55:35,000 --> 01:55:36,640 but I can help you and look after you. 2341 01:55:36,800 --> 01:55:39,600 Daphne, darling, this really is too absurd. You must go home at once. 2342 01:55:39,720 --> 01:55:40,760 I knew you'd say that. 2343 01:55:40,920 --> 01:55:42,640 Please! Put on your hat again, and don't be silly. 2344 01:55:42,760 --> 01:55:44,200 I know you better than you think I do. 2345 01:55:44,320 --> 01:55:45,760 I know when you're acting and when you're not. 2346 01:55:45,840 --> 01:55:47,880 - You're acting now. - I'm not doing anything of the sort. 2347 01:55:47,960 --> 01:55:51,400 You were acting when you pretended to be cross when I came and recited, but... 2348 01:55:52,280 --> 01:55:55,840 ...when you said goodbye to me that other morning so sweetly, 2349 01:55:55,920 --> 01:55:57,760 then you weren't acting, were you? 2350 01:55:57,840 --> 01:55:59,000 (Audience laughing) 2351 01:55:59,600 --> 01:56:01,400 The mask was off then, wasn't it? 2352 01:56:01,520 --> 01:56:03,120 - Wasn't it? - Listen to me, Daphne... 2353 01:56:03,240 --> 01:56:05,240 I was ashamed on Thursday at first, 2354 01:56:05,360 --> 01:56:07,720 ashamed at playing a trick on you by making my aunt ring up for an audition. 2355 01:56:07,840 --> 01:56:10,200 - But when I was here, I was glad. - Oh, you were glad, were you? 2356 01:56:10,320 --> 01:56:11,960 Yes, I was. I think that's why I fainted. 2357 01:56:12,120 --> 01:56:14,160 - You see, I suddenly realised the truth. - What truth? 2358 01:56:14,280 --> 01:56:16,200 How desperately lonely you really are. 2359 01:56:17,920 --> 01:56:22,120 In spite of all those around you, in spite of all your great success. 2360 01:56:22,240 --> 01:56:26,640 I knew how deep your longing must be to have someone really love you... 2361 01:56:27,800 --> 01:56:30,000 ...really be with you, 2362 01:56:30,120 --> 01:56:32,960 when I saw that dreadful prostitute come out of your spare room. 2363 01:56:33,640 --> 01:56:35,440 (Audience laughing) 2364 01:56:37,080 --> 01:56:38,360 That was not a prostitute. 2365 01:56:38,520 --> 01:56:40,560 It was the husband of one of my dearest friends! 2366 01:56:40,680 --> 01:56:42,200 (Audience laughing) 2367 01:56:42,320 --> 01:56:45,840 No, Garry, you can't deceive me. I know. 2368 01:56:45,960 --> 01:56:49,120 Daphne, I wish to say loudly and clearly that I am not acting. 2369 01:56:49,280 --> 01:56:52,480 I am speaking with the utmost sincerity, of which I am capable, 2370 01:56:52,560 --> 01:56:55,160 when I order you to put on your hat, get into a taxi, 2371 01:56:55,280 --> 01:56:57,280 and go straight back to your great-aunt. 2372 01:56:57,440 --> 01:56:58,800 No. 2373 01:56:59,400 --> 01:57:02,200 I won't make any demands on you whatever. 2374 01:57:02,360 --> 01:57:04,400 I don't expect you to marry me or anything like that. 2375 01:57:04,480 --> 01:57:07,920 I won't even see you on the boat if you don't want me to. 2376 01:57:08,040 --> 01:57:09,720 I'm not a very good sailor, anyhow. 2377 01:57:09,840 --> 01:57:12,600 I'll just be here when you want me, 2378 01:57:12,720 --> 01:57:16,760 when you're tired and lonely and need someone to put their arms around you. 2379 01:57:16,880 --> 01:57:18,880 (Doorbell buzzing) 2380 01:57:18,960 --> 01:57:20,520 There's somebody at the door. 2381 01:57:20,600 --> 01:57:23,120 - Well, who is it? - How should I know? 2382 01:57:23,200 --> 01:57:26,640 But I think you'd better pop into the spare room. 2383 01:57:26,760 --> 01:57:29,640 - No, Garry, not the spare room! - All right, all right, the office, then. 2384 01:57:29,800 --> 01:57:33,240 Well, get rid of them soon, whoever it is. Promise. 2385 01:57:33,360 --> 01:57:35,000 All right, in you go. 2386 01:57:36,120 --> 01:57:37,520 Here's your hat. 2387 01:57:38,280 --> 01:57:40,720 - Quiet as a mouse now. - (Doorbell buzzing) 2388 01:57:42,480 --> 01:57:43,920 Forgive me, I must see you. 2389 01:57:44,040 --> 01:57:45,840 Oh, no, you can't. I'm just going to bed. 2390 01:57:45,960 --> 01:57:48,080 I'm afraid I must insist. See, it's a matter of life and death. 2391 01:57:48,240 --> 01:57:50,840 What the hell do you mean, forcing yourself into my house like this? 2392 01:57:51,000 --> 01:57:54,320 That's right. Shout, shout. You're magnificent when you're angry! 2393 01:57:54,400 --> 01:57:55,440 I'll tell you what, young man. 2394 01:57:55,560 --> 01:57:58,040 You're just raving bloody mad. That's what's the matter with you. 2395 01:57:58,160 --> 01:57:59,400 Oh, no, I'm not. You're the one who's mad. 2396 01:57:59,480 --> 01:58:01,120 Will you please leave this house immediately? 2397 01:58:01,200 --> 01:58:04,160 No, I'm afraid I can't. It's quite impossible. I've burnt my boats. 2398 01:58:04,280 --> 01:58:05,400 Burnt your what? 2399 01:58:05,520 --> 01:58:07,120 - My boats. - What on earth are you talking about? 2400 01:58:07,240 --> 01:58:09,840 I told a wicked lie just now when I said it was a matter of life and death. 2401 01:58:09,960 --> 01:58:13,400 It isn't really quite as bad as that. But it's very, very serious. 2402 01:58:13,560 --> 01:58:14,960 For me, I mean. Perhaps for us both. 2403 01:58:15,040 --> 01:58:16,960 If you're not out of this house by the time I count to ten, 2404 01:58:17,120 --> 01:58:18,280 I shall telephone for the police. 2405 01:58:18,400 --> 01:58:20,680 - One, two. - No, no, I shan't let you. 2406 01:58:20,800 --> 01:58:23,080 - I'm tremendously strong, you know. - Three, four. 2407 01:58:23,200 --> 01:58:25,520 - I can lift the heaviest things imaginable... - Five, six. 2408 01:58:25,600 --> 01:58:27,480 - ...without turning a hair. Look. - Seven... 2409 01:58:27,600 --> 01:58:29,040 (Grunts) 2410 01:58:30,200 --> 01:58:31,760 Put that down. 2411 01:58:31,840 --> 01:58:33,080 Put it down. 2412 01:58:33,200 --> 01:58:34,720 You'll do something terrible to yourself. 2413 01:58:34,880 --> 01:58:36,520 Listen to me, Mr Maule. 2414 01:58:36,640 --> 01:58:38,080 You may call me... 2415 01:58:38,920 --> 01:58:39,920 ...Roland. 2416 01:58:40,000 --> 01:58:41,120 Listen to me, Roland. 2417 01:58:41,240 --> 01:58:44,120 I want to put this situation to you reasonably and quietly. 2418 01:58:44,280 --> 01:58:48,040 This is my last night in England, and I have a great deal to do. 2419 01:58:48,160 --> 01:58:49,520 You said just now you were going to bed. 2420 01:58:49,600 --> 01:58:51,120 Be that as it may, Roland... 2421 01:58:51,240 --> 01:58:53,240 I know you think I'm mad, and I really don't blame you a bit, 2422 01:58:53,360 --> 01:58:54,560 but I assure you I'm not at all. 2423 01:58:54,680 --> 01:58:57,640 I merely have an exceptional brain in many ways. 2424 01:58:57,760 --> 01:59:01,680 A brain incidentally that can be of inestimable service to you. 2425 01:59:01,800 --> 01:59:04,480 As I told you the other day, you signify a great deal to me. 2426 01:59:04,560 --> 01:59:06,120 You are, in fact, part of me. 2427 01:59:06,200 --> 01:59:07,800 I'm sure I'm very flattered, Roland. 2428 01:59:07,920 --> 01:59:09,280 I wonder if I could have a biscuit? 2429 01:59:09,360 --> 01:59:10,520 - A what? - A biscuit. 2430 01:59:10,640 --> 01:59:12,720 - A biscuit? - Yeah, right there. 2431 01:59:13,280 --> 01:59:15,520 - By all means, help yourself. - Thank you. 2432 01:59:16,440 --> 01:59:20,120 I promise you faithfully I will go when I've finished this biscuit. 2433 01:59:22,720 --> 01:59:24,120 (Audience chuckling) 2434 01:59:24,920 --> 01:59:27,200 After all, there's no... 2435 01:59:27,320 --> 01:59:30,680 there's no valid reason, is there, why I shouldn't be acting being mad? 2436 01:59:30,840 --> 01:59:32,320 It's just as you're acting being sane. 2437 01:59:32,480 --> 01:59:34,920 - I am not acting. - You're always acting. 2438 01:59:36,080 --> 01:59:37,880 That's what is so fascinating. 2439 01:59:38,720 --> 01:59:42,280 And... And you're so used to it that you don't even know it yourself. 2440 01:59:44,760 --> 01:59:46,000 I'm... 2441 01:59:47,280 --> 01:59:51,240 I'm absolutely devoted to your face, in every mood. 2442 01:59:55,560 --> 01:59:57,160 Listen to me, Roland. 2443 02:00:00,160 --> 02:00:01,960 What exactly is it... 2444 02:00:04,560 --> 02:00:07,240 ...that you want, really? 2445 02:00:10,920 --> 02:00:12,280 Well, to be with you. 2446 02:00:13,880 --> 02:00:16,960 That's why I'm coming to Africa! (Laughing) 2447 02:00:17,040 --> 02:00:19,320 - That's why you're what? - I bought a ticket today. 2448 02:00:19,440 --> 02:00:21,680 It's steerage, but better than nothing. 2449 02:00:21,760 --> 02:00:24,920 I've given up my law studies and left Uckfield for good. 2450 02:00:25,080 --> 02:00:27,040 That's why I'm rather excitable tonight. 2451 02:00:27,200 --> 02:00:30,960 You needn't be frightened that I shall get in your way or make any demands on you. 2452 02:00:31,080 --> 02:00:32,520 - (Doorbell rings) - There's somebody at the door. 2453 02:00:32,600 --> 02:00:34,240 Do be a good boy and go away now, will you? 2454 02:00:34,400 --> 02:00:36,240 You promised you would when you'd finished your biscuit. 2455 02:00:36,360 --> 02:00:37,200 Please don't send me away. 2456 02:00:37,320 --> 02:00:39,760 It's extremely kind of you to take such a keen interest in me, Roland, 2457 02:00:39,880 --> 02:00:41,880 but if you really cared about me so deeply, 2458 02:00:42,000 --> 02:00:45,000 you would do as I ask you and go quietly back to Uckfield. 2459 02:00:45,080 --> 02:00:47,680 I shall never go back to Uckfield! 2460 02:00:47,760 --> 02:00:49,600 The last train's gone now, anyway. 2461 02:00:49,680 --> 02:00:52,920 - Well, go to the Grosvenor Hotel, then. - No, I will not let you send me away. 2462 02:00:53,040 --> 02:00:55,120 You will regret it your whole life long if you do. 2463 02:00:55,240 --> 02:00:56,320 (Doorbell ringing) 2464 02:00:56,480 --> 02:00:59,200 I have a profound conviction about it that nothing will shake. 2465 02:00:59,360 --> 02:01:01,400 Mr Maule, come out of that room immediately! 2466 02:01:01,960 --> 02:01:03,040 Mr... Roland! 2467 02:01:03,200 --> 02:01:05,360 (Doorbell ringing continuously, audience laughing) 2468 02:01:13,200 --> 02:01:14,560 Hello, darling. 2469 02:01:14,720 --> 02:01:16,760 - What's the meaning of this, Joe? - Don't you know? 2470 02:01:16,920 --> 02:01:18,840 Yes, I do. You're coming to Africa with me. 2471 02:01:18,960 --> 02:01:20,120 You bought your ticket this afternoon. 2472 02:01:20,280 --> 02:01:22,320 You're not gonna make any demands on me, and you're not a good sailor. 2473 02:01:22,440 --> 02:01:23,880 I am a perfect sailor. 2474 02:01:24,040 --> 02:01:25,560 - What are you doing? - Telephoning. 2475 02:01:25,680 --> 02:01:30,200 Darling, underneath this rather taut, strained manner of yours, 2476 02:01:30,360 --> 02:01:32,760 deep down inside, aren't you just a little bit glad to see me? 2477 02:01:32,880 --> 02:01:33,840 Hello? Hello? 2478 02:01:33,960 --> 02:01:37,400 I'm so terribly, terribly, terribly sorry it's a wrong number! 2479 02:01:37,560 --> 02:01:39,760 (Audience laughing) 2480 02:01:42,600 --> 02:01:43,800 Who are you calling? 2481 02:01:43,920 --> 02:01:45,760 Doesn't matter now. When did you get back from Paris? 2482 02:01:45,840 --> 02:01:46,800 This afternoon. 2483 02:01:46,920 --> 02:01:48,600 I understood you were going to stay in Paris for a month. 2484 02:01:48,720 --> 02:01:49,960 No, no, you didn't. 2485 02:01:50,080 --> 02:01:52,760 You knew perfectly well that I wouldn't be able to. 2486 02:01:52,920 --> 02:01:56,560 I must say I tried for the first few days to put you out of my mind. 2487 02:01:56,680 --> 02:02:00,040 I railed against you. I said the most dreadful things you weren't there to hear. 2488 02:02:00,160 --> 02:02:02,360 - And then I remembered. - What did you remember? 2489 02:02:02,480 --> 02:02:04,680 I remembered what you said to me the other night. 2490 02:02:04,760 --> 02:02:07,640 You said, "It doesn't matter what comes after this, 2491 02:02:07,800 --> 02:02:11,200 "what circumstances combine against us, what tears are shed. 2492 02:02:11,280 --> 02:02:14,760 "This, it's magic, the loveliest magic that I have ever known!" 2493 02:02:16,280 --> 02:02:18,960 That's out of the second act of my play, Love Is So Simple. 2494 02:02:19,080 --> 02:02:21,920 Yes, I know. I recognised it. 2495 02:02:22,040 --> 02:02:23,560 I saw the play several times, you know. 2496 02:02:23,680 --> 02:02:26,160 - Well, in that case, why did you believe it? - I didn't. 2497 02:02:26,280 --> 02:02:29,800 But the fact of your saying it, it proved something to me. 2498 02:02:29,920 --> 02:02:33,560 It proved that you are no more sincere emotionally than I am, 2499 02:02:33,680 --> 02:02:36,440 that you no longer need or desire the pangs of love, 2500 02:02:36,600 --> 02:02:39,720 but are perfectly willing to settle for the fun of love. 2501 02:02:39,800 --> 02:02:42,200 It's an adult point of view, and I salute it. 2502 02:02:42,360 --> 02:02:45,760 That, to date, is the most immoral statement I've ever heard in my life. 2503 02:02:45,840 --> 02:02:47,680 Ah, but it's true though, isn't it? 2504 02:02:47,840 --> 02:02:51,480 It's people like you who undermine the whole integrity of civilisation. 2505 02:02:51,600 --> 02:02:53,600 - What's that out of? - It's not out of anything. 2506 02:02:53,720 --> 02:02:56,400 As I told you the other night, I've always wanted you. 2507 02:02:56,520 --> 02:03:00,440 I've always instinctively known that we were right for each other. You need me. 2508 02:03:00,840 --> 02:03:04,280 The people round you are no longer enough. I need you. 2509 02:03:04,440 --> 02:03:07,840 Now, I can't guarantee that we shall be domestically happy together, 2510 02:03:07,920 --> 02:03:09,680 but we will have a good time. 2511 02:03:09,760 --> 02:03:11,560 - Joe, Joe... - (Audience chuckling) 2512 02:03:11,680 --> 02:03:15,520 You were quite right when you said just now, with remarkable clairvoyance, 2513 02:03:15,600 --> 02:03:17,400 that I was coming to Africa with you. 2514 02:03:17,520 --> 02:03:19,920 I am. I've got the bridal suite. 2515 02:03:20,880 --> 02:03:23,120 (Audience laughing) 2516 02:03:23,200 --> 02:03:24,400 The bridal suite? 2517 02:03:24,520 --> 02:03:25,840 Yeah, it's all that was left. 2518 02:03:25,960 --> 02:03:31,440 In addition to that, I have written a note to Helen telling her everything about us. 2519 02:03:32,600 --> 02:03:33,560 You what? 2520 02:03:33,720 --> 02:03:36,400 She's dining with Morris at the Athenaeum. They can read it together. 2521 02:03:36,520 --> 02:03:38,040 - But... - (Doorbell buzzing) 2522 02:03:38,160 --> 02:03:39,320 Who's that? 2523 02:03:39,480 --> 02:03:41,040 With any luck, it's the Lord Chamberlain. 2524 02:03:41,160 --> 02:03:42,400 (Audience laughing) 2525 02:03:42,560 --> 02:03:43,840 Hello, Joe. 2526 02:03:43,920 --> 02:03:47,000 Ah, good evening, Liz dear. How nice you look. 2527 02:03:47,120 --> 02:03:49,280 Oh, thank you so much. I do my best. 2528 02:03:49,400 --> 02:03:53,440 I think it only fair to tell you. I am sailing with Garry tomorrow. 2529 02:03:53,520 --> 02:03:54,560 What fun. 2530 02:03:54,680 --> 02:03:56,600 So am I! 2531 02:03:56,720 --> 02:03:58,200 (Audience laughing) 2532 02:03:58,320 --> 02:03:59,680 What? 2533 02:03:59,840 --> 02:04:01,680 I decided this afternoon. 2534 02:04:01,800 --> 02:04:04,160 I've sent Maggie down to Southampton tonight with my luggage. 2535 02:04:04,280 --> 02:04:06,560 It's certainly a big day for the British Ferry Line. 2536 02:04:06,680 --> 02:04:08,520 (Audience laughing) 2537 02:04:09,920 --> 02:04:13,600 If I may say so, Liz, I think that's rather silly of you. 2538 02:04:13,680 --> 02:04:15,880 I really don't see why. It'll be charming. 2539 02:04:16,000 --> 02:04:20,400 We can all eat at the same table and do our life-boat drill together. 2540 02:04:20,520 --> 02:04:22,200 I think it only fair to warn you 2541 02:04:22,320 --> 02:04:25,880 that Joe has written a letter to Helen explaining everything about us. 2542 02:04:26,040 --> 02:04:28,400 Good, then she'll probably be coming, too. 2543 02:04:28,480 --> 02:04:30,080 (Audience laughing) 2544 02:04:30,200 --> 02:04:33,280 I should like to take this opportunity of saying that I wish I were dead. 2545 02:04:33,360 --> 02:04:34,600 (Audience laughing) 2546 02:04:35,480 --> 02:04:39,120 Nonsense, darling, you'll enjoy the voyage enormously. 2547 02:04:39,240 --> 02:04:41,360 There won't be a dull moment. 2548 02:04:41,520 --> 02:04:44,120 You imagine you're being very clever, Liz, don't you? 2549 02:04:44,240 --> 02:04:45,640 (Liz) Well, I've learnt in a hard school. 2550 02:04:45,760 --> 02:04:49,600 Personally, I think you are making the greatest mistake of your life. 2551 02:04:49,680 --> 02:04:53,200 It's always foolish not to have the courage to admit defeat. 2552 02:04:53,320 --> 02:04:58,200 Joe, for a man of your experience, you're being a trifle obtuse. 2553 02:04:58,320 --> 02:05:01,760 You seem to imagine that I'm competing with you. 2554 02:05:01,880 --> 02:05:05,720 I assure you I am doing nothing of the sort. 2555 02:05:05,840 --> 02:05:10,960 It is very important for all of us that this African tour of Garry's should be a success. 2556 02:05:11,560 --> 02:05:14,640 Obviously there is no way of preventing you from coming if you want to. 2557 02:05:14,760 --> 02:05:17,680 But you'd better realise before it's too late 2558 02:05:17,800 --> 02:05:23,000 that from a social and publicity angle, you'll be there as a friend of mine. 2559 02:05:23,120 --> 02:05:24,240 (Doorbell buzzing) 2560 02:05:24,360 --> 02:05:27,080 I'll give you just three guesses as to who that is! 2561 02:05:27,240 --> 02:05:30,000 - I'll go, Garry. - It's the gathering of the clans. 2562 02:05:30,120 --> 02:05:33,280 Perhaps I've been wrong about you, Garry. You haven't got the guts of a rabbit. 2563 02:05:33,360 --> 02:05:36,560 Is it true? That's all I want to know. Is it true? 2564 02:05:36,640 --> 02:05:39,280 False... friend! False... friend! 2565 02:05:39,400 --> 02:05:41,520 Calm down, Morris. 2566 02:05:41,640 --> 02:05:43,120 It's no good trying to be flippant. 2567 02:05:43,280 --> 02:05:46,520 This is a miserable, disgusting situation, and you know it. 2568 02:05:46,640 --> 02:05:50,560 Stab in the back is what it is, a low-down stab in the back. 2569 02:05:50,720 --> 02:05:53,520 - Not too low down, I hope. - Shut up, Morris. 2570 02:05:53,640 --> 02:05:56,560 I've had a note from Joe. I suppose you know that, don't you? 2571 02:05:56,720 --> 02:05:58,520 Yes, he does. I've just told him. 2572 02:05:58,680 --> 02:05:59,920 Is what he says in it true? 2573 02:06:00,040 --> 02:06:01,200 How should I know? I haven't read it. 2574 02:06:01,960 --> 02:06:03,200 Don't prevaricate. 2575 02:06:03,320 --> 02:06:06,880 He says that you've been lovers and that you're going away together tomorrow. 2576 02:06:07,040 --> 02:06:08,800 (Audience laughing) 2577 02:06:10,520 --> 02:06:12,440 (Applause) 2578 02:06:15,000 --> 02:06:16,880 Is that true? 2579 02:06:16,960 --> 02:06:19,600 - It's perfectly true. - Answer me, Garry! 2580 02:06:19,720 --> 02:06:22,680 I will tell you what's true and what's not true 2581 02:06:22,800 --> 02:06:25,680 if you stop bouncing up and down like a rubber ball and listen! 2582 02:06:25,800 --> 02:06:26,840 Hey, careful, Garry. 2583 02:06:27,000 --> 02:06:30,280 Careful? I've been a damn sight too careful with the lot of you for years! 2584 02:06:30,400 --> 02:06:31,840 You haven't answered my question yet. 2585 02:06:32,000 --> 02:06:35,080 I want to hear it from your own lips before I decide what to do. 2586 02:06:35,200 --> 02:06:37,200 What to do, indeed! What can you do? 2587 02:06:37,320 --> 02:06:40,040 Have you or have you not been Joe's lover? 2588 02:06:40,200 --> 02:06:41,440 Yes, I have. 2589 02:06:42,600 --> 02:06:45,560 You utter bastard! 2590 02:06:46,520 --> 02:06:49,280 You haven't got one decent instinct in you. 2591 02:06:49,400 --> 02:06:53,520 You're morally unstable and false through and through! 2592 02:06:53,640 --> 02:06:58,640 For the love of God, stop being theatrical! 2593 02:06:58,800 --> 02:07:00,640 (Audience laughing) 2594 02:07:02,840 --> 02:07:06,000 You should never have married him in the first place. 2595 02:07:06,120 --> 02:07:08,600 I always told you it was a grave mistake. 2596 02:07:08,760 --> 02:07:12,120 You have the damned impertinence to stand there after seducing my husband... 2597 02:07:12,240 --> 02:07:15,040 Now, look here, Helen, I didn't seduce your husband, and well you know it. 2598 02:07:15,120 --> 02:07:18,200 You came here the other night absolutely determined to seduce me, 2599 02:07:18,360 --> 02:07:19,440 - didn't you? - Yeah. 2600 02:07:19,560 --> 02:07:21,520 You're taking up a high and mighty attitude over the whole thing, 2601 02:07:21,640 --> 02:07:24,720 but I'm perfectly convinced that if you just face the facts honestly, 2602 02:07:24,840 --> 02:07:27,000 you'll discover that you don't really mind in the least. 2603 02:07:27,600 --> 02:07:30,320 Morris is the one who minds. For the moment. 2604 02:07:30,400 --> 02:07:32,560 Morris? What do you mean? 2605 02:07:32,680 --> 02:07:35,120 That was disgraceful, Garry. 2606 02:07:38,000 --> 02:07:40,280 (Audience laughing) 2607 02:07:42,600 --> 02:07:46,320 I am sick to death of everybody acting 2608 02:07:46,440 --> 02:07:48,320 and lying and intriguing about. 2609 02:07:48,440 --> 02:07:49,880 All right, you win, Garry. 2610 02:07:50,000 --> 02:07:52,360 I would never have believed anyone could sink so low. 2611 02:07:52,480 --> 02:07:53,880 Well, there you go. 2612 02:07:54,000 --> 02:07:56,400 What did you mean about Morris? Answer me! 2613 02:07:56,520 --> 02:08:01,960 I mean that Morris and Joe have been conducting an abortive little ding-dong 2614 02:08:02,080 --> 02:08:04,680 under your silly nose for months. 2615 02:08:05,840 --> 02:08:06,960 (Gasping) 2616 02:08:09,680 --> 02:08:14,560 I will never speak to you again until the day I die! 2617 02:08:18,400 --> 02:08:20,000 Well, we can have a nice chat then, can't we? 2618 02:08:20,120 --> 02:08:21,280 (Audience laughing) 2619 02:08:29,240 --> 02:08:32,200 Morris, Joe, is this true? 2620 02:08:32,320 --> 02:08:34,200 Of course it's true. 2621 02:08:34,320 --> 02:08:36,160 It hasn't lasted quite so long 2622 02:08:36,240 --> 02:08:40,440 as your rather dreary affair with Elvira Radcliffe. 2623 02:08:40,560 --> 02:08:42,160 (Gasping theatrically) 2624 02:08:42,280 --> 02:08:44,280 (Audience laughing) 2625 02:08:44,400 --> 02:08:47,280 That's been hiccupping along for nearly a year now. 2626 02:08:47,400 --> 02:08:48,360 Helen! 2627 02:08:48,520 --> 02:08:50,360 Don't pretend you didn't know, Joe. 2628 02:08:50,520 --> 02:08:52,160 You were absolutely delighted. 2629 02:08:52,280 --> 02:08:53,680 It gave you room to expand! 2630 02:08:53,800 --> 02:08:57,000 I told you about that in the deepest confidence. 2631 02:08:57,080 --> 02:08:59,160 How can you be so vile as to betray it? 2632 02:08:59,280 --> 02:09:03,960 I'm sick to death of being stuffed with everybody's confidences. 2633 02:09:04,080 --> 02:09:06,200 I am bulging with them. 2634 02:09:06,320 --> 02:09:09,840 You, all of you, come to me over and over again 2635 02:09:09,960 --> 02:09:15,200 and pour your damned tears and emotions and sentiment all over me 2636 02:09:15,320 --> 02:09:16,760 until I'm wet through. 2637 02:09:16,920 --> 02:09:20,520 You're all just as badly behaved as I am. In many ways, a great deal worse. 2638 02:09:20,600 --> 02:09:24,440 You believe in your lachrymose amorous hangovers 2639 02:09:24,560 --> 02:09:26,800 whereas I at least have the grace to take mine lightly. 2640 02:09:26,920 --> 02:09:31,520 You wallow and I laugh, because I believe now as I have always believed 2641 02:09:31,640 --> 02:09:34,640 that there's far too much nonsense talked about sex. 2642 02:09:34,720 --> 02:09:38,520 You, Morris, happen to like taking your paltry attachments seriously. 2643 02:09:38,640 --> 02:09:42,280 You enjoy plunging into orgies of jealousy 2644 02:09:42,400 --> 02:09:45,200 and torment and torturing yourself and everybody else. 2645 02:09:45,280 --> 02:09:47,480 That's your way of enjoying yourself. 2646 02:09:47,640 --> 02:09:49,360 - Helen's technique... - (Audience laughing) 2647 02:09:49,480 --> 02:09:52,960 Her technique is a little different, she goes for the more domestic blend. 2648 02:09:53,120 --> 02:09:55,360 That's why she got so tired of Joe so quickly. 2649 02:09:55,440 --> 02:09:58,320 Anyhow, she's beautifully suited to dear old Elvira. 2650 02:09:58,440 --> 02:10:02,920 She's been knee-deep in knitting wool ever since she left Roedean School for Girls! 2651 02:10:03,040 --> 02:10:04,720 - (Audience laughing) - Joe is different again. 2652 02:10:04,840 --> 02:10:06,960 He devotes a great deal of time to sex, 2653 02:10:07,080 --> 02:10:09,280 but not just for the intrinsic pleasures of it, 2654 02:10:09,360 --> 02:10:11,400 oh, no, merely as a means to an end. 2655 02:10:11,480 --> 02:10:12,640 He's a collector. 2656 02:10:12,720 --> 02:10:15,880 A go-getter, an attractive, unscrupulous pirate. 2657 02:10:16,000 --> 02:10:17,920 I, myself, am none of those things, personally. 2658 02:10:18,000 --> 02:10:20,600 I think the whole thing is vastly overrated. 2659 02:10:20,720 --> 02:10:22,240 I enjoy it for what it's worth, 2660 02:10:22,400 --> 02:10:27,000 and I fully intend to go on doing so as long as anybody is interested, 2661 02:10:27,120 --> 02:10:29,720 and when the time comes and they're not, 2662 02:10:29,840 --> 02:10:35,200 I shall be perfectly contented to settle down with an apple and a good book! 2663 02:10:35,360 --> 02:10:38,080 (Audience laughing, applause) 2664 02:10:44,800 --> 02:10:46,720 Well, I'll be damned! 2665 02:10:46,880 --> 02:10:49,520 Of all the brazen, arrogant sophistry. 2666 02:10:49,600 --> 02:10:53,400 - You have the nerve to work yourself up... - I have not worked myself up into anything. 2667 02:10:53,520 --> 02:10:56,720 I'm merely defending my right to speak the truth for once. 2668 02:10:56,800 --> 02:10:59,440 Truth? You wouldn't recognise the truth if you saw it. 2669 02:10:59,560 --> 02:11:03,440 You spend your whole life attitudinising and posturing and showing off. 2670 02:11:03,520 --> 02:11:07,560 And I should like to know where you would all be if I didn't show off. 2671 02:11:07,640 --> 02:11:09,560 I'm an artist, aren't I? 2672 02:11:10,240 --> 02:11:12,440 Surely, I may be allowed a little licence! 2673 02:11:12,560 --> 02:11:15,040 I'm sick of this idiotic performance. I'm going. 2674 02:11:15,200 --> 02:11:17,920 And kindly don't start that old threadbare argument 2675 02:11:18,000 --> 02:11:20,120 about none of us being able to live and breathe 2676 02:11:20,240 --> 02:11:22,160 if it wasn't for your glorious talent. 2677 02:11:22,240 --> 02:11:23,640 How dare you allude to my talent 2678 02:11:23,760 --> 02:11:28,000 in that nasty, sarcastic tone, you ungrateful little serpent! 2679 02:11:28,160 --> 02:11:32,680 If it wasn't for our restraining influence, you'd be in the provinces by now. 2680 02:11:32,800 --> 02:11:34,720 And what's the matter with the provinces, may I ask? 2681 02:11:34,800 --> 02:11:37,600 They've often proved to be a darn sight more intelligent than London. 2682 02:11:37,760 --> 02:11:40,080 Be careful! Someone might hear! 2683 02:11:40,960 --> 02:11:42,560 I said I am going. 2684 02:11:43,800 --> 02:11:46,920 I suppose you'll be saying it's your restraining influence 2685 02:11:47,000 --> 02:11:50,960 that allowed me to maintain my position as the idol of the public 2686 02:11:51,040 --> 02:11:52,400 for the past twenty years. 2687 02:11:52,480 --> 02:11:54,840 You're not the idol of the public. 2688 02:11:54,960 --> 02:11:58,120 They'll come and see you in the right play and the right part, 2689 02:11:58,240 --> 02:11:59,880 and you've got to be good at that. 2690 02:11:59,960 --> 02:12:01,760 Look what happened to you in Pity the Blind! 2691 02:12:01,880 --> 02:12:03,320 I was magnificent in Pity the Blind. 2692 02:12:03,440 --> 02:12:06,080 - It lasted ten days. - Eleven! 2693 02:12:06,200 --> 02:12:07,360 (Audience chuckling) 2694 02:12:07,440 --> 02:12:10,400 If it hadn't been for us you'd have done Peer Gynt. 2695 02:12:10,520 --> 02:12:15,440 If anybody else so much as mentions Peer Gynt in this house again, 2696 02:12:15,520 --> 02:12:19,640 I swear before heaven, I will produce it at Drury Lane. 2697 02:12:19,760 --> 02:12:21,360 (Audience laughing) 2698 02:12:21,480 --> 02:12:23,080 Not on my money, you won't! 2699 02:12:23,200 --> 02:12:24,640 Oh, your money? 2700 02:12:24,720 --> 02:12:27,920 Do you think I'm dependent on your miserable money to put on plays? 2701 02:12:28,000 --> 02:12:32,080 There are literally thousands of shrewd old gentlemen in the city 2702 02:12:32,200 --> 02:12:36,160 who would be only too delighted to back me in anything I choose to do. 2703 02:12:36,320 --> 02:12:39,800 I think it rather depends on whether they're married or not. 2704 02:12:39,960 --> 02:12:41,920 Oh, so we're back to that again, are we? 2705 02:12:42,000 --> 02:12:44,120 See? Single-track mind. 2706 02:12:44,240 --> 02:12:45,760 No, we're not back to anything. 2707 02:12:45,920 --> 02:12:48,560 This has been the most disgusting, degrading scene, 2708 02:12:48,640 --> 02:12:51,880 and if it wasn't for the fact that Morris and I signed the contract 2709 02:12:52,000 --> 02:12:54,280 for the Forum Theatre this morning, 2710 02:12:54,400 --> 02:12:56,960 we should both of us wash our hands of you forever! 2711 02:12:57,080 --> 02:12:59,200 - You what? - All right, one last thing, huh? 2712 02:12:59,280 --> 02:13:00,640 (Audience laughing) 2713 02:13:00,720 --> 02:13:02,040 You what? 2714 02:13:02,160 --> 02:13:04,000 - Now Garry, for heaven's sake... - I'm going. 2715 02:13:04,080 --> 02:13:06,880 Do you hear me, all of you? I am going. For good. 2716 02:13:07,040 --> 02:13:09,040 Take my car, it's downstairs. 2717 02:13:10,240 --> 02:13:13,200 It's been a great evening for speaking the truth, hasn't it? 2718 02:13:13,320 --> 02:13:16,240 And I, for one, should like to add just one little contribution 2719 02:13:16,360 --> 02:13:18,640 to the entertainment before I leave. 2720 02:13:19,560 --> 02:13:22,400 I consider you, Mr Garry Essendine, 2721 02:13:22,520 --> 02:13:26,360 to be not only an overbearing, affected egomaniac, 2722 02:13:26,480 --> 02:13:31,280 but the most unmitigated cad it has ever been my misfortune to meet, 2723 02:13:31,360 --> 02:13:35,280 and I most devoutly hope that I shall never set eyes on you again 2724 02:13:35,400 --> 02:13:37,240 for as long as I live. 2725 02:13:37,400 --> 02:13:39,000 (Audience gasping) 2726 02:13:42,320 --> 02:13:43,640 (Door slams shut) 2727 02:13:51,000 --> 02:13:54,960 Do you mean to tell me that you signed a contract for that theatre 2728 02:13:55,080 --> 02:13:58,000 when I particularly told you that no power on God's earth 2729 02:13:58,120 --> 02:13:59,480 would induce me to set foot in it? 2730 02:13:59,600 --> 02:14:01,680 - Now look here... - I will not "Look here, Garry." 2731 02:14:01,800 --> 02:14:05,520 It's nothing more or less than the most outrageous betrayal of faith, 2732 02:14:05,640 --> 02:14:07,720 and I'm deeply, deeply angry. 2733 02:14:08,320 --> 02:14:10,480 They're doing up the whole theatre while you're in Africa 2734 02:14:10,600 --> 02:14:13,960 and have even consented to put a shower bath in your dressing room. 2735 02:14:14,080 --> 02:14:17,840 I don't care if they put a swimming pool in my dressing room 2736 02:14:17,920 --> 02:14:19,640 or a squash court. 2737 02:14:19,800 --> 02:14:22,320 I will not play a light French comedy 2738 02:14:22,440 --> 02:14:26,080 to an auditorium that looks like the Gothic edition of Wembley Stadium. 2739 02:14:26,760 --> 02:14:28,080 It won't look like that. 2740 02:14:28,200 --> 02:14:31,360 Honestly, darling, I've seen the designs, and they're really awfully good. 2741 02:14:31,520 --> 02:14:33,560 Oh, so, you've seen the designs, have you? 2742 02:14:33,720 --> 02:14:34,880 So, you're against me, too. 2743 02:14:35,000 --> 02:14:37,320 - Now really, Garry... - Just go away! 2744 02:14:37,400 --> 02:14:39,480 Just go away, all of you! Get out! 2745 02:14:39,600 --> 02:14:42,160 Please, please don't send me away. Please don't send me away! 2746 02:14:42,280 --> 02:14:44,200 - Get out! - You're too great a person to be unkind. 2747 02:14:44,320 --> 02:14:46,640 Please, please don't send me away. I won't make any demand on you whatever. 2748 02:14:46,720 --> 02:14:49,960 Go away! I can't take it anymore. 2749 02:14:50,080 --> 02:14:52,840 I've got to face that dreadful sea voyage tomorrow. 2750 02:14:52,960 --> 02:14:57,960 And then, months of agonising drudgery through what is considered by everybody 2751 02:14:58,040 --> 02:15:01,400 to be the most exhausting continent there is. 2752 02:15:01,520 --> 02:15:02,640 (Audience chuckling) 2753 02:15:02,760 --> 02:15:04,280 (Panting) 2754 02:15:08,400 --> 02:15:09,560 Get out. 2755 02:15:14,080 --> 02:15:15,440 Get... 2756 02:15:17,360 --> 02:15:18,600 Get out. 2757 02:15:26,000 --> 02:15:28,480 Well, that performance wouldn't deceive a kitten. 2758 02:15:30,480 --> 02:15:31,840 He's losing his grip. 2759 02:15:32,600 --> 02:15:34,040 Come on, let's go. 2760 02:15:47,960 --> 02:15:49,880 They're mad to have you, Garry. 2761 02:15:50,720 --> 02:15:54,480 They're reseating the stalls, which will put over a hundred on the capacity. 2762 02:15:58,400 --> 02:16:00,160 Go on, Helen. 2763 02:16:03,880 --> 02:16:05,160 I'll talk to him. 2764 02:16:18,840 --> 02:16:21,280 Could I get a little... a little sip of something? 2765 02:16:23,200 --> 02:16:24,720 I really do feel quite tired. 2766 02:16:25,880 --> 02:16:27,120 Whisky or brandy? 2767 02:16:28,200 --> 02:16:29,520 Uh... 2768 02:16:29,640 --> 02:16:30,960 (Chuckles) 2769 02:16:31,080 --> 02:16:32,360 Brandy. 2770 02:16:38,560 --> 02:16:39,800 Turn on the lights. 2771 02:16:41,360 --> 02:16:42,800 The lights are on. 2772 02:17:16,840 --> 02:17:18,960 You're not really coming to Africa with me, are you? 2773 02:17:21,960 --> 02:17:23,280 Certainly I am. 2774 02:17:26,280 --> 02:17:28,280 And not only to Africa. 2775 02:17:30,200 --> 02:17:31,840 I'm coming back to you for good. 2776 02:17:37,560 --> 02:17:39,400 I don't want you to come back to me. 2777 02:17:43,360 --> 02:17:45,040 I'm perfectly happy as I am. 2778 02:17:45,160 --> 02:17:46,920 (Audience chuckling) 2779 02:17:48,840 --> 02:17:50,640 That can't be helped. 2780 02:17:50,760 --> 02:17:52,480 (Audience laughing) 2781 02:17:55,160 --> 02:17:57,920 You behave abominably anyhow. 2782 02:17:59,640 --> 02:18:01,880 But you won't be able to be quite so bad with me there. 2783 02:18:08,280 --> 02:18:10,160 Liz, I implore you... (Sobbing) 2784 02:18:19,360 --> 02:18:21,200 ...not to come back to me. 2785 02:18:24,600 --> 02:18:26,320 Have you no sympathy? 2786 02:18:29,800 --> 02:18:31,440 Have you no... 2787 02:18:34,720 --> 02:18:36,800 ...heart? 2788 02:18:47,200 --> 02:18:49,520 I'm thinking of the good of the firm. 2789 02:19:31,160 --> 02:19:33,720 (Applause)